Two of Us
by teawithme
Summary: When Remus Lupin, the new Defense teacher, comes to Hogwarts, Susan Thoits, the girl who has everything going for her finds that what she truly wants may not go according to her plan.
1. Introductions

Two of Us

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"Merlin, is he fine!" Lisa Sellers whispered loudly to her friend Susan Thoits.

"Please, Lisa he is a teacher," Susan said quickly, not looking up from her Defense Against the Dark Art's book.

"Well, I'm seventeen now. So..."

"-so what? You're going to seduce him?" Susan asked skeptically.

"You never know," Lisa said happily, looking towards the front of the class.

Susan raised an eyebrow at her friend who drooled over their new professor. He seemed nice enough, but he was not nearly as attractive as their last professor, Mr. Lockhart, who though good looking was as thick as a pile of bricks.

"I mean just look at him grade those essays," Lisa swooned and leaned on Susan.

Susan rolled her eyes and lightly pushed Lisa off her shoulder.

"Lisa he is simply looking at a piece of plain parchment," Susan said dryly, observing her new professor. He looked tired.

"Oh, come on Suzy! Look at the little crease in his forehead. He's so concentrated."

"If you like him so much Lisa, why don't you go and talk to him?" Susan asked cooly.

Lisa's eyes widened. "Talk to him? I would probably stutter like an idiot Susan. I'm not poised like you are."

"Oh, come one Lisa. You've had about two boyfriends this year and it's only the second week of term!"

"Yes, but that's different. Those boys are merely children. He," Lisa said pointing to the front of the room, "is a man."

Susan shut her book and stood up from her chair.

"Where are you going Suzy?" Lisa asked anxiously.

Fixing her skirt over he long legs, Susan looked at Lisa mischievously.

"I'm going to go talk to your little crush," she said, then proceeded to the front of the room.

Lisa gaped at Susan as she walked towards their new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. He was sitting at his large oak desk with a stack of parchment in front of him. The students were supposed to be 'working on their review from last year' as he caught up on the third years essays.

"Excuse me sir," Susan said politely to her consumed professor.

He quickly looked up, snapping out of his concentrated state. His eyes widened when he saw her, but he calmed when he noticed nothing was wrong.

"Yes miss....?" he said, clearly not knowing her name yet.

"Thoits, my name is Susan Thoits, Sir." Susan said smiling and offering her small hand to him.

He firmly shook her hand. "Nice to meet you Miss. Thoits. My name is Remus Lupin, or I guess professor Lupin."

"It's nice to meet you too, Sir." Susan said kindly smiling and retracting her hand from his grip.

"So, your question?" Professor Lupin inquired.

"Right, um I was just curious about the assignment you gave us. You see last year our professor was a lot more interested in himself than he was teaching us," Susan said lightly to her professor, who smiled back at her.

"So I've heard." He said solemnly. "Do you think I would be beneficial to you and your class if I reviewed the sixth year material?"

Susan nodded as she glanced at Lisa, who glared at her fiercely. "Yes, that would be very helpful Sir. especially because this is a N.E.W.T. level class," Susan said, again giving him a charming smile.

"Right, well I will see what I can do Miss Thoits. I would not want to see your education hindered in any way. What are you studying to be?" Professor Lupin asked with much interest.

"Well, I have not really decided yet, but either an Auror or a Herbologist." Susan said excitedly, she loved to talk about her schooling. Though from looking at her appearance you would not think she was intelligent, she was actually at the top of her year.

Lupin chuckled at Susan. "Now those are two professions I have never heard in the same sentence."

Susan raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes, usually people despise Herbology," Professor Lupin said, scrunching his nose at the thought of the class.

"Oh, I know. Most people think I am insane for adoring plants," Susan said laughing.

"I don't think it's insane. Truly I have much respect for you."

"Well, thank you Sir. I should probably go back to my work. Would want to get behind." She said awkwardly, walking away from his desk.

"Of course not," he said nodding kindly to her.

"So, that wasn't too hard now was it?" Susan asked Lisa who sat glumly at their desk.

"I hate you," was all that Lisa said.

Susan laughed.

"No you do not. Just go ask him a dumb question. He is very kind and will answer it for you. Who knows maybe he will even kiss you!" Susan said jokingly.

Lisa rolled her eyes.

"I'll talk to him tomorrow."

'Sure Lisa. What ever makes you happy," Susan said, she did not open her book for the rest of the hour. But instead found herself staring at her new professor.

* * *

Susan pulled her long brown hair into a pony tail before pulling on her school robes. She looked at her appearance in the mirror and noticed something was missing. Her emerald, green eyes searched her appearance, but could not figure out what was missing. Knowing that if it had been something important she would not have forgotten, so she decided she had better leave. Susan walked down the dormitory stairs and into the Gryffindor common room, which at five thirty was empty. She proceeded through the portrait and down towards the Great Hall. Bypassing the Great Hall entrance, Susan headed towards the staircase that lead to the Hufflepuff commons. Stopping at a large portrait of assorted fruit Susan reached up to lightly tickle the large, green pear that glistened lightly amongst the other fruits. Smiling to herself she stepped into the passage way that opened before her. The smell of coffee and toast filled her nostrils as Susan walked into the Hogwarts kitchens.

"Miss Susan Thoits, Sully is so happy to finally see you!" A slightly drunken elf said, dancing towards Susan in a zig zagging pattern.

"Oh, Sully I have missed you too!" Susan exclaimed, meeting the odd, little house elf half way. Sully immediately pulled out a small package from her tattered jumper.

"Sully made this for Susan," Sully said happily, anticipating Susan's reaction.

Susan smiled gratefully at Sully. "You made something for me?"

Sully nodded quickly and placed the package in her hands, waiting for her to open it. Susan looked at the package, which was wrapped in an old dish towel, and unfolded the cloth carefully. It revealed a thin chain with a small rusty spoon strung on it.

"Wow! Sully this is beautiful," Susan exclaimed, actually liking the unique gift.

Sully smiled brightly at Susan. "Sully is so glad that Susan likes her gift. Sully spent hours thinking of what Susan would like."

"Well Sully I truly adore it." Susan said putting the thin chain around her neck. Sully grabbed her hand and lead her towards one of the large wooden tables that filled the room.

"Sully would like Susan to sit so Susan can eat!"

Susan complied and sat on one of the wooden benches.

"You know Sully you don't have to wait on me. I can get my own food. I only come down here for your company, not your service." Susan said to the little house elf who, after seven years, insisted upon waiting on Susan.

"But Sully loves to help Miss Suzy," Sully said, bringing Susan a plate with bacon and toast on it.

Susan smiled as Sully gave her the plate. "Thank you."

"Will Miss Susan sing for Sully?" Sully asked Susan as she began to eat her breakfast.

"Yes, of course Sully. What do you want me to sing?" Susan asked taking a sip of the coffee Sully handed her.

"Sully's favorite!" The house elf said excitedly, jumping up and down.

"Alright, one moment." Susan said, taking the last bite of her toast and sipping her coffee.

"_Who knows how long I've loved you, you know I love you still. Will I wait a lonely lifetime? If you want me to, I will. For if I ever saw you I didn't catch your name, but it never really mattered I will always feel the same. Love you forever and forever, love you with all my heart. Love you whenever we're together, love you when we're apart._" Susan sang loudly to Sully, but stopped when the door to the kitchens opened.

"Professor Lupin?" Susan asked.

"Please don't mind me. Keep singing." He said smiling at Susan, who's cheeks were now as red as the rusted spoon that hung around her neck.

"Yes, Sully wants Susan to keep singing Sully's favorite song!" Sully said, still jumping up and down excitedly.

"Alright," Susan said sheepishly, conscious of their new company.

"_And when at last I find you your song will fill the air. Sing it loud so I can hear you, make it easy to be near you. For the things you do endear you to me. Oh, you know, I will. I will._"

"Yay Sully loves Susan's singing!" Sully exclaimed as she patted Susan on the knee.

"Oh, thank you Sully. You are so kind."

"Sully is right, Susan. You have a lovely voice." Professor Lupin said, surprising Susan. She had forgotten he was in the room.

"Thank you, sir. I really only sing to the house elves." Susan said with a soft laugh.

He smiled.

"Do you like Muggle music?" Susan asked.

He nodded.

"You know I truly do. Especially that kind. How do you know the Beatles? Are you muggle born?"

"No, I am a pure blood, but you could say I'm 'rebellious'" Susan said with a wink.

Lupin laughed. "Oh, yes. That is a very rebellious thing to do. Venturing outside of the wizardry pop-culture is a very risky."

"Like I said. I'm rebellious."

"So, what brings you to the kitchens at this hour, Susan?" Lupin inquired.

"Oh, well it has been a part of my routine since I was in my third year. I have become very good friends with the house elves."

"Yes, of course. They are such kind creatures. Very loyal they are."

Susan laughed, feeling more comfortable. "Tell me about it. I have known Sully since my first year and she still refusing to let me serve myself. And if you don't mind me asking, what brings you down to the kitchen's sir?"

Professor Lupin graciously took a cup of coffee from a house elf named Dobby, then sat next to Susan. "Well, I guess you could say it's part of my routine too. When I went to Hogwart's my friends and I, we would come down here quite often. Although I think we came down more for the food."

Susan laughed.

"Of course you did."

"Hey we were teenage boys. What do you expect?"

"Nothing less." Susan joked. "But I will admit sometimes I come down here just for selfish reasons. You see I have an addiction to chocolate and when I run out I go through withdraw."

"Oh, I know how you feel. Trust me if I am ever moody in class I can guarantee it is because I ran out of my reserves."

Susan laughed again. "I'll remember that. But I have to leave, sir. I have Head Girl duties in the morning." Susan said getting up from the bench.

"Yes, of course. I will see you in class then."

"Right. See you in Defense!" Susan said, waving goodbye to her professor as she walked towards the door, trying to find Sully to say goodbye. But Sully must have gone to help make breakfast for the rest of the school.

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"Hello Percy!" Susan greeted the tall, slender, red headed boy in front of her.

"Good morning, Suzy. How are you?" He asked kindly.

"I am very well." She said standing beside him and in front of the Great Hall.

"Good."

"Yes, it is good." Susan said with a smile.

"Where is your badge?" Percy inquired, with a condemning tone.

"Uh, Cornelius Fudge! That is what I forgot!" Susan said frantically.

Percy rolled his eyes. "It's not a big problem. Just don't forget it for tomorrow."

"I won't." Susan said pacing in front of the large Great Hall door.

"So, what N.E.W.T.s are you taking this year Suzy?" Percy asked, in a faux friendly tone. Percy and Susan never really got along. They were both very competitive.

"I am taking Herbology, Potions, Defense Against the Darks Arts, Charms, Transfiguration, Astronomy, History of Magic, so, I guess all of them." Susan said, trying not to sound too proud.

"Wow, well I am taking all of those besides History of Magic and Astronomy. Do you still want to be an Auror?" Percy asked, going along with their tolerant conversation.

"I'm not really sure yet. Either that or Herbology." Susan said confidently.

But of course Percy snorted with laughter.

"You want to be a Herbologist?"

She nodded. "Yes I do. What do you want to be?"

"I want to work of the Ministry, preferably for the Minister." He said proudly.

"Ew. You want to work for Fudge?" Susan asked, seriously concerned. Fudge was an arrogant arse.

"Of course I do. There would be no higher honor."

Susan rolled her eyes. "Sure there would be. I could cure Lycanthropy or something!"

"You can't cure Lycanthropy, it's a curse." Percy said matter-of-factly.

"That's my point! If you don't have people testing and trying new things then there will never be a cure. That is why I want to be a Herbologist."

"So you can cure Lycanthropy?" Percy stared at her dumbly.

"Yes! I want to help people."

"Oh god Susan are you going on again about how you're going to cure Lycanthropy?" Lisa asked, walked towards the Great Hall for breakfast.

"Yes she is." Percy answered for her.

"You know it's impossible. Lycanthropy is a curse." Lisa stated.

"Yes I know. You have told me hundreds of times."

'Well, just give it up then." Percy said to Susan. "Look I'll even ask Professor Lupin." Percy said pointing to Professor Lupin who was walking towards the Great Hall.

"Excuse me. Professor Lupin, could you help us?" Percy asked Lupin, as he walked past them.

"Of course. That's why I'm here." Lupin said kindly, and smiled at Susan who stood beside Percy.

"Great, well Is it even worth someone's time to try and find a cure of Lycanthropy? Since it's a curse and all."

Remus's face hardened, but softened a bit as he looked a Percy.

"Of course it's worth someone's time. It is some of the most valuable time at that. It could potentially help the lives of hundreds of innocent people." Remus said sternly.

"But surely werewolves don't want the help. Right? I mean they're very aggressive creatures." Percy said with much ignorance.

Before Lupin could say anything Susan scolded him.

"Percy! Are you serious? Clearly you should go work for the Ministry because you are just as ignorant as the rest of them. Lycanthropics do not choose to become werewolves. Surely there are a few that are bad, but that's not fair to judge a whole group of people off of one person. You need to go do some thorough research, because you've got your facts all messed up!" Susan shouted at Percy, who slowly took a step back.

Professor Lupin, who's face was now twisted into a grimace, nodded in agreement with Susan. "She is right you know Mr. Weasley. You should think before you speak and know that the Ministry is not always right." Professor Lupin said before walking away.

"Look you dimwit you even made Professor Lupin upset!" Susan said smacking Percy on the arm.

"Whatever." Percy said, walking away from his Head Boy duties.

Susan shook her head at him and turned to Lisa.

"Professor Lupin seemed pretty upset, didn't he?" Susan asked Lisa who nodded.

"Yes, you should have seen his face before you verbally abused Percy. I thought he himself was going to turn into a werewolf." Lisa said jokingly.

"Well, Percy if just dimwitted." Susan said grimly.

"Yeah, but I still think Professor Lupin is damn fine." Lisa said trying to make Susan laugh.

"Yes, he is." Susan said, staring down the corridor that Lupin had disappeared through.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**Please review and tell me what you think. I love types of criticism!**

**Thanks, teawithme**

**p.s. song credit goes to 'The Beatles' the song is 'I will' off of the 'White Album.'**


	2. An Epiphany?

An Epiphany?

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"Susan? Could you please grab those ear muffs for me?" Madam Pomfrey asked, she was carrying a large clay pot filled with two young mandrakes.

Susan looked up from her book and hopped off of her stool.

"Where are they?" Susan inquired, looking around the large green house.

"Uh," Madam Pomfrey groaned, setting the large pot on a table. "I moved them over there." She said pointing to a shelf that lined the greenhouse walls.

"Oh, right." Susan muttered to herself as she walked over to the long shelf. She grabbed two pairs of tattered muffs and walked over to the table Madam Pomfrey had occupied.

"Thank you, dear." She said, taking a pair and placing them around head.

"Now, I am going to try and extract the sucrose from these youngins." Madam Pomfrey indirectly explained to Susan, as she quickly pulled one of the baby plants out.

Susan yelped as she heard the horrible cry of the mandrake and quickly covered her ears. "Madam, won't that hurt the plants?"

Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "I'm not sure yet. I am trying an experiment to see if it's true that Mandrakes have a alternate food storage."

Susan raised an eyebrow and stepped back to watch Madam Pomfrey use her wand to stunt the little creature.

"Now, you see." She said pulling large, glass syringe out of her pocket. "I have to take this and insert it through the aerial root of the mandrake."

"Madam, I thought you said 'although mandrakes might look vascular they really aren't'" Susan stated.

Madam Pomfrey bit her lip in concentration, as she stuck the thin needle through the root. Pushing down the top of the syringe, a pearly white liquid filled glass tube.

"When have I ever said that, Susan?"

"Um, since my second year."

She shook her head. "Well, you must have mistaken me."

"Hm. Maybe I did." Susan said, then picked up the book she had neglected early and started to read it.

"So, have you decided yet?" Madam Pomfrey asked Susan.

Susan looked up from her book.

"You know, Madam, I think I have!" She said confidently.

Pomfrey laughed. "It's sounds like you've just had an epiphany."

"I think I have." Susan replied, playing with the worn pages in her book.

"So, what is it then?" Madam Pomfrey pursued.

"I, Susan Thoits, am going to become a Research Herbologist!" She said jumping off her stool.

Madam Pomfrey smiled widely at her.

"That is a wonderful choice dear. You will make an excellent one!"

"Thank you, but if you don't mind I have to go speak with Lisa about this. I haven't told her yet." Susan said whilst she closed her book and put it in her satchel.

"Yes, of course. I will see you monday then?" Madam Pomfrey inquired. She was not extracting the sucrose from the second mandrake.

"Yup. See you later professor!" Susan said happily as she exited the greenhouse.

----------

Since it was September and it was a Saturday, Susan figured she would be able to find Lisa in one of two places: relaxing under the oak tree by the Black Lake or on the Quidditch pitch practicing for the up coming season. Exiting the greenhouse Susan decided to check the oak tree first. She was welcomed graciously by an abundance of sun rays that caressed her fair skin, and she smiled to the Hogwarts grounds as headed down a hill, towards the Black Lake. A light wind whirled her long, brown hair around her face as she happily skipped, humming a song softly. She approached the large tree with silence and stopped before it's trunk.

"Lisssssa?" Susan called to the tree, but no one replied. She trekked around the it's large circumference and still there was no Lisa. She turned towards the lake and sat down against the rough tree bark. Though she had clear intentions of finding Lisa, right now she just wanted to reflect. She pulled her leather satchel onto her lap and undid the large brass buckle. The book that she had been reading in the greenhouse laid gracefully on it's side, trying to persuade Susan to read it. Not being able to resist, Susan gave into the temptation of the old tattered book and pulled it out of her bag. She opened the book and divulged into it's text: herbs, spices, aboreal, horticulture, lichen, and an assortment of fauna filtrated the pages. A broad smile adorned her lips as she read about verdant vascular plants that grow only in the rain forests of British Columbia. Besides finding cures, Susan always wanted to travel the world and find the plants she had grown to love in their natural state.

"Oh, hello Miss Thoits." A surprised professor Lupin greeted Susan as he approached the large oak tree.

Susan looked up quickly and smiled.

"Good afternoon professor!" She said, happy to see him. Quickly she closed her book and patted the ground beside her, motioning for him to sit.

"I didn't know students still read under this tree." He said sitting down beside Susan.

"Oh, yes! Usually the tree is packed with people. I don't know why there aren't many people outside today..." Susan said putting her book back into her bag.

"Please Miss Thoits, don't stop what you're doing for me." Professor Lupin insisted, noticing that Susan was putting her book back into her bag.

She laughed and turned her body to face him.

"Professor I have read that book over and over again three times. I think I'll be alright."

"Alright, if you insist." He said looking at the glistening lake.

Susan looked too.

"It's funny isn't it," she said with a soft laugh. "That Black Lake really isn't that black with it's sunny out. It's actually quite lovely."

Remus nodded in agreement.

"Yes. It truly is."

There was a pause while both Susan and Remus stared at the water.

"Oh, professor! Guess what." Susan said excitedly, breaking the calm silence.

He turned towards Susan, and raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"I have decided what I'm going to study!"

"Really?" He asked, with a hint of excitement.

She nodded her head vigorously. "Yes. I am going to be a research Herbologist! You know try and find obscure cures and stuff."

"How very noble of you Miss Thoits." He said affirming her choice. "What kind of cures do you want to find?" He asked with much interest.

Susan bit her lip in deep thought.

"Well..." She said hesitantly. "Is there anyone else around?" She asked and quickly stood up to check the circumference of the tree. Remus shook his head and she sat back down.

"Alright." Susan said looking Remus in the eye. "I feel like I can trust you, right?"

Looking confused, Remus nodded. "Yes. Of course you can trust me Miss Thoits."

She smiled with relief. "Good! I knew I could. Well, you see-" She started but stopped abruptly.

"One moment." She muttered as she grabbed her satchel and put it between both her and her professor. Rummaging through the leather bag she grabbed a cream slip of paper and held it in her hand. Remus stared at her hand, then elevated his eyes to her face, curious to know what she was going to tell him.

"My father, sir. He was a werewolf and three years ago he passed away." Susan paused to look at Remus, who worn an unreadable expression. "Ever since his death I have been very interested in helping people like him, because at first I was very...hesitant towards my father. You see, he was bitten when I was nine years old and it-it- really scared me. Before and after his transformations he was always so tired and sickly and not like 'my' father. Or at least that's how I felt. I actually felt betrayed by him, like he chose to become a werewolf. It took me years to accept and understand that he had not chosen to become a werewolf. It was when I was in my third year at Hogwarts to be exact, but it was too late. The summer before my fourth year he died-" Susan said looking away from Remus, who's face had softened considerably. Blinking away any threatening tears from her eyes she continued. "He died before I ever got a chance to tell him how I truly felt about him. You know, like how much I loved him...unconditionally. And that's what I want to do. I want to help people with Lycanthropy or something like that, because I know that people really don't understand it. I mean my own father had Lycanthropy, and I treated him like a monster."

Warm tears fell down her soft cheeks and she covered her face with her hands, as she cried silently. Professor Lupin looked at the crying girl in front of him and admired her strength, her compassion.

"Susan, your father would be so proud of you." Remus said kindly, using her first name.

She nodded and with red, puffy eyes she looked at him.

"I know, but sir it's just not fair! These people are alienated, not only by society, but their own families." She said in between sobs.

Remus nodded understandably, and lightly Remus put his hand on her arm. "You know, Susan. I have know a few werewolves in my life, and what you're doing for them is so brave and so kind. But you can't alienate yourself, because it wasn't that you were afraid of your father. You were afraid of what you didn't know. Everyone is afraid of new things they don't understand and you can't punish yourself for that."

Refusing to look at her professor, she silently handed the piece of paper that was in her hand to him. He looked from Susan, who was staring at the piece of paper, to her hand. Slowly he took the piece of paper from her and looked at what was surprisingly, a photograph. He lightly smiled when he noticed it was of a considerably younger Susan and an older man he presumed was her father. Glancing at Susan he saw she was now looking at him and her tears had stopped.

"That was me and my father the night he was bitten." Susan said sadly.

"We were at a party that was held by the people at my dad's work. He worked at the ministry and was not the most popular guy in his department. He worked in International Magical Affairs and there was some bad blood between him and a man, who's name I don't know of, but I do know he was a death eater. This man, I guess you could say hired the infamous Fenrir Greyback to attack my father. And he did. And it was horrible."

Remus quickly sat up and brushed off his tattered grey suit. Susan looked up at him from the ground with sad eyes and scanned his silhouette in the bright afternoon sunlight. Her mouth slightly gaped as she admired his lean body and warm facial features.

"What do you say we go back to the castle?" Remus suggested as he leaned against the oak tree. He seemed frustrated and bothered. "It's almost time for dinner and you seem tired."

Susan raised an eyebrow, but complied. Grabbing her satchel she rose off of the hard ground and followed her professor, who had already begun to walk towards the castle.

* * *

"Susan! There you are." An overly excited Lisa exclaimed as Susan walked through the portrait door. Susan smirked at her friend who sat with an unfamiliar guy on the couch. Taking her time, Susan made her way to a chair and sat down.

"Hey Lisa!" She said peaking into a bag she brought from the kitchens. Grinning to herself she pulled out a small piece of chocolate.

Lisa cleared her throat loudly in hopes of getting Susan's attention.

"Susi, I would like you to meet my new friend Cedric!" Lisa said pointing to the boy beside her. He looked about their age, maybe a year younger, and was very attractive. He had light brown hair, brown eyes, and a charming smile.

"Nice to meet you Cedric!" Susan said waving to the boy on the couch.

He nodded and smiled.

"Nice to meet you too, Susan." He said politely.

Lisa gave Susan a strange, concentrated look.

"Where have you been Susi Q?" She asked.

A soft smile spread across Susan's lips along with a soft blush, which crept across her cheeks.

"Oh, I have just been around. You know, I just had a relaxed day..."

Lisa laughed not believing her.

"Alright, who were you with? Did you get a boyfriend?" Lisa asked getting excited again.

"No! I did not get a boyfriend..." Susan said, sounding embarrassed.

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Fine, you didn't get a boyfriend. Still, who were you with?"

Susan smiled again, her cheeks were now burning with blush.

"Professor Lupin..." She said softly.

"What?" Lisa screamed, causing Cedric to jump a bit. "You spent a whole day with that hunk?"

"Yes. I did spend the day with him." Susan said, composing herself.

"And?!" Lisa asked, trying to pry for details.

"And nothing really. We just talked for a long while." Susan said simply.

"Did you kiss him?" Lisa asked loudly.

"No! Lisa, he is a teacher!" Susan exclaimed as her cheeks continued to burn.

Lisa grinned widely.

"Do you like him?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Susan looked at Lisa dumbly, then looked to Cedric who was smirking.

"No, I do not like Professor Lupin." She said calmly, then get up from the chair.

"And I will be going now. It was nice to meet you Cedric and you can badger me more later if you want Lisa." Susan said winking at Lisa, before she walked up to her dormitory.

"Oh, don't you worry Susan Thoits!" Lisa hollered after Susan, then leaned into Cedric, who wrapped his arm around her.

"So, what do you say we go for a 'walk?'" Lisa asked Cedric, her new 'friend' with a cunning smile.

"Sounds like a wonderful idea." Cedric said leaping up quickly from the couch. Lisa followed him to the portrait door and grabbed him hand as they went for a 'walk' around the grounds.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Reviews are always appreciated and I love advice (it makes me update faster). But anyways, this chapter gave you a bit of background information on Susan and Lisa is now 'dating' with Cedric. If you have any ideas, or want something specific to happen, write it in a review or message me (: **

**Thank you again for reading, and I should update soon!**

**love, teawithme**


	3. I Could Wait Forever, I've Got Time

I Could Wait Forever, I've Got Time

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Susan impatiently waved her hand in the air trying to get her headmaster's attention, but he continued to talk. Nervously she observed her surroundings, house prefects sat all around her and Percy Weasley sat beside her hurriedly talking notes.

"Now, are there any questions?" Dumbledore asked, kindly looking at Susan.

Susan nodded and began to speak. "Sir, do you really think Sirius Black is going to try and get into Hogwarts?"

He pursed his lips and stared at Susan silently, but Susan held eye contact and sat up straight waiting for an answer.

"I think, Miss Thoits, that Sirius Black will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. So, do I think Sirius Black will get into Hogwarts? I cannot be sure, but what I do know is that I will do whatever I can to secure these grounds," Dumbledore said calmly, as he paced in front of the students.

"So, what I need from you all is to carry out your responsibility as prefect and head boy and girl. Please, if you see or hear anything out of the ordinary tell me or your head of house. You may now go," he said curtly smiling, and walking out of the class room.

Everyone stood up at once and began to exit the abandoned class room, but Susan continued to sit. She stared at her toes and scrunched her nose as she thought. Sirius Black, a mass murderer, had just escaped from Azkaban prison and her headmaster was not sure if her school was safe. As head girl she felt like she had a responsibility , but she was scared. No one wanted to get into an altercation with an escaped convict. Why would he want to come to Hogwarts?

* * *

"Today class we are going to end our review with a bit of fun," Professor Lupin said with a large small. He stood at the head of the class room dressed in his usually shabby robes and motioned for the class to get up and follow him. The group of N.E.W.T students followed Remus through the castle until they reached the small teachers lounge on the west side of the great hall.

"What do you think we're doing?" Lisa asked Susan, who followed behind a large Hufflepuff boy named William.

"Don't know, but I'm sure we've done it before," Susan said looking ahead towards her professor.

Lisa sighed.

"I thought surely Lupin would have told you when you had one of your little talks," Lisa sniggered and walked side by said with Susan.

But Susan laugh, instead she shrugged and looked straight ahead. Thoughts of Sirius Black still clouded her mind and made her feel unusually uneasy. As they reached the room the class filtered in through the door and stood in front of an old wardrobe.

"Any guesses?" Professor Lupin asked, standing in front of the mahogany wardrobe. Most of the students looked confused and raised perplexed eyebrows, but suddenly Susan shot her hand in the air.

"Yes, Miss Thoits?" He asked, gleaming at her.

"We're facing a boggart aren't we, sir?" Susan asked excitedly, and the whole class began to whisper softly to their neighbor.

"Yes, we are indeed. So, will you all please stand in line and we'll begin."

Lisa and Susan found themselves at the front of the line anxious to face the boggart.

"Alright, Miss Sellers would you please be the first to go?" Lupin asked Lisa, who took a step forward ready to face her fear.

"Oh, course would!" Lisa said brightly, though she was not the best of witches she really was a bright girl and especially brave.

"Great, and remember _riddikulus_."

Lisa stood ready in front of the wardrobe and waited for professor Lupin to release the shape shift. Slowly the wood door opened and boggart came out disguised as a large gang of two foot high gnomes.

Lisa shrieked and took a step back, holding onto Susan.

"They're fake, Lisa. Just say _riddikulus_," Susan said calmly, patting Lisa on the back.

Nodding Lisa stepped forward towards the little creatures the made taunting gestures toward Lisa.

"_Riddikulus!_" Lisa screamed and quickly the group of gnomes were trapped under a large webbed net and ran around in chaos. Everyone laughed as they squeaked and squealed trying to escape. Even professor Lupin chuckled at the hysterical sight.

"Good Miss Sellers! Now Miss Thoits you can go," Remus said looking at her curiously, wondering what her fear would be.

Susan stepped forward towards the little group of gnomes thinking the same thing. Last time she had faced a boggart it had turned into a wolf, but now she was not sure what would happen.

With a silvery swirl the gnomes disappeared and a man stood before her. He was a familiar man, one Susan had not seen in three years. A grim expression adorned his face, along numerous white scares that looked like scratches. Another silver swirl appeared and a younger Susan stood beside the man. She had tears in her eyes and she was screaming at an imaginary object. The man beside her stood stalk still and his face looked pained. The younger Susan kept pointing at man causing him to flinch at each gesture. Finally the young Susan looked at the man, the man who was her father, and said something silently.

"Sir!" Susan screamed, as she shook. "I can't make this funny..."

Lisa gently pulled Susan back as Lupin stepped in front of the private scene. A clouded moon appeared and with a quick flick of his wand a large white ballon deflated and squeaked around the room.

The class stared at their professor and at Susan confused.

"Alright class, Lisa here will be supervising while I go speak with Miss Thoits. Please come get me if you need me," Remus said and lightly took Susan's arm.

----------

"Susan, are you alright?" Remus asked Susan, who leaned against the wall still shaking.

"I'm fine. I just-" She said before swiftly embracing her professor. She did not know why she had the sudden urge to hug him, but she did not regret it. It was felt good to be held. Hesitantly Remus put a comforting hand on her back and pulled her closer to him. Susan rocked slightly as she held onto Remus tightly, then just as suddenly as she hugged him she let go.

"Susan, if you need to talk later I can help you, but right now I really need to get back to class," Remus said, placing his hand on her shoulder.

Susan nodded. "Thank you, can I go to the dorms?"

"Yes, of course. I will see you later," Remus said smiling at Susan, then walked back into the class room.

"Bye," Susan whispered, watching him walk away.

* * *

"Quidditch, Quidditch, Quidditch, Quidditch, I love you!" Lisa sang as she walked with Susan across the Hogwarts grounds. It was October 1st and Gryffindor had it's first match against Hufflepuff, which was expected to be a for sure win.

"You're going to do great today!" Susan cheered and grabbed her best friends hand, swinging her around.

Lisa laughed and whipped her hair around.

"I hope to! Hufflepuff's beaters are weak, so us chasers have a great shot."

"Well, I'm not supposed to be prejudice since I'm head girl and all, but go out and smash them!" Susan screamed and ran towards Quidditch pitch. She was dressed in her house colors and her wool scarf flew recklessly in the soft autumn wind. Reaching the pitch she collapsed onto the ground, panting.

"Damn Susan! Who knew you could run so bloody fast," Lisa said laughing as she reached Susan.

"Well, that's about as long as I can run. But you should get going. I'll see you later!" Susan said jumping up and heading back to the castle.

"Bye Susi!" Lisa called as Susan jogged back to the castle.

----------

Thunder clouds rolled onto the Hogwarts grounds as Susan walked through the empty corridor. All of the students had gone down to the Quidditch pitch already and the ones they stayed behind were in their common rooms. The game started at three, but both head boy and girl were directed to stay at the castle until three thirty to make sure everyone who was going to the game got their safely.

Susan wondered aimlessly through the halls and found herself in the teachers quarters. Carefully she walked down the hallway hoping to not run into any teachers. Student were not technically allowed in the teacher's corridor, but since Susan was head girl she had some privileges. Gracefully she walked past the portraits trying to guess which belonged to each teacher. An abnormally large landscape portrait stood out to Susan as she lightly pressed her fingertips across the painting. Twilight overshadowed the forest scene and there was a waxing gibbous moon, which was barely a sliver of soft silver light. Stars highlighted the sky and tall green trees were silhouetted against the bright, night sky.

Smiling at the portrait Susan continued to the next, but her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of an opening door. Quickly she turned to see that the portrait she was just looking at had opened and a very sickly looking professor Lupin walked out of it.

Remus jumped when he saw Susan turn quickly. "Bloody hell, Miss Thoits you scared me!" He exclaimed.

"I am sorry sir," Susan said awkwardly, hoping to not be scolded by him for being in the teachers corridor, but he said nothing.

Tiredly he closed his eyes and leaned against the stone corridor wall. His skin was pale and he had large bags under his warm honey eyes.

"Professor, you need to go back to bed. You look..."

"horrible?" He asked, expecting her to say the worst.

"No, not horrible just really tired and sick," Susan said walking closer to him.

He faintly smiled, but ignored her suggestion and started to walk down the corridor.

Susan sighed and followed him, prepared to catch him if he were to fall over.

"Please sir!" Susan said sternly.

Remus turned to look at her and hear her out.

"Professor Lupin, as head girl and your worried student I order you to go back to your quarters and rest! I do not want you to be unable to teach, because quite frankly you are the best defense teacher we have had in a long time," Susan said seriously. "And I am very serious about my education," she added for logical appeal.

"You win," Lupin said and walked back to the portrait of the twilight scape.

"Good," Susan said simply, not knowing what to do next.

"Would you like to join me for a cup of tea?" Lupin asked Susan, his savior, kindly.

She lightly smiled.

"I would love to, sir."

Remus's private quarters were about as fancy as he was. He had the bare minimum and found no need in having to many luxury items, not that he could afford them anyways. There was a kitchen, a bathroom, an living room, and a bed room in the little space he had to call his own. But the one thing that stood out to Susan was the copious amount of books that were scattered around him quarters. Both muggle books and wizard books laid aimlessly around.

"Do you like to read, sir?" Susan asked picking up a book that was on the kitchen counter.

"Oh, yes! It's my favorite hobby. How about you? Do you like to read?" He asked heating up some water.

"Yes, but it's hard for me to find books that I enjoy. You know I don't really like most books targeted for my age group," she said examining the book in her hand. It was greatly worn and probably read five times through. The name was barely legible, but she recognized the name _Animal Farm_.

"This is a muggle book, is it not?" Susan asked holding up the small white book.

"Yes it is. It's kind of humorous actually, because it's a satirical portrayal of muggle wars and I truly don't have much interest of muggle studies. Though that book is one of my favorites" he said pouring the hot water into two blue tea cups. Susan put the book down and walked over to Remus to grab a cup.

"Thank you sir," she said taking a sip of the warm drink.

"You're welcome, Miss Thoits. Follow me, we can sit in the living area," he said moving towards his couch.

"So, why are you not at the match?" Remus asked Susan, sitting down on the couch.

She sat down next to him and crossed her legs.

"Well, I was supposed to stay here until three thirty and then go to game, but it raining now and I'm here," Susan exclaimed as she stared out of the small window in front of her. The rain came down hard in sheets that pelted against the glass window.

Remus nodded his head in thought.

"Yes, It wouldn't be too much fun would it? Out in the rain and all."

"No, not at all. I'd rather be here," Susan said softly.

A warm blush spread across her cheeks and she looked down at her tea cup, tracing it's circumference with her finger.

"Well, It's nice to have company," Remus said looking at Susan, trying to make her feel more comfortable. She smiled and lightly lifted her head to look at him. He still looked pale and sick. Susan wanted nothing more then to care for him, make him feel better. But clearly that would be inappropriate for a student to do in these circumstances.

"Are you feeling ill sir? Should I go?" Susan asked worriedly.

Remus relaxed into the couch and took a sip of tea.

"No, really Susan I enjoy the company," he said seriously. The use of her first name made her feel special, like it was a nickname of sorts. Usually teachers strictly called their students by their surnames, never their first.

"Alright," she said and relaxed into the couch as well.

A calm silence filled the room and each sat there, just enjoying each others presence.

"Sir, is there anything I can do to help you feel better? I mean do you need any food, something from Madam Pomfrey?" Susan asked breaking the silence.

"No, really I'm fine dear," he said taking his last sip of tea.

Susan froze for a moment, her thoughts racing through her mind. Had he just called her dear? Never having had a boyfriend before, it was strange for Susan to be called anything but Susan or Susi. Not even her mother called her sweetheart, dear, honey or love. It was always Susi.

Coming to her senses she cleared her throat.

"Fine, then let me at least read your tea leaves," Susan said extending her arm.

Remus laughed and raised an eyebrow at Susan.

"Are you superstitious? You don't strike me as that kind."

Susan sighed irritatedly. "No I am not, but we have to do something, don't we?"

Relinquently Remus handed her his cup, watching intently as she swished around the cup trying to read the leaves.

She bit her lip in concentration and habitually clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. With a soft sigh her face broke out of it's concentration.

"Hmmm," she said gazing at the leaves admirably.

Remus scooted closer to her on the couch, trying to look inside of the little cup.

"What do they say?" He asked curiously.

"Well," she said putting the cup up to her eye. "They tell me that you have a secret and..." she said pausing for dramatic effect, "that you have never been in love?"

Susan looked at Remus with hard eyes, trying to figure out his expression. His face was cold and his eyes were weak. His sickly state didn't help matters, but he seemed defensive.

"Care to explain?" Susan asked daringly.

Remus sat back into the couch relaxing a bit. "No, Susan. I would like to see if you could figure it out yourself."

Pursing her lips she set the cup down.

"Figure what out? The secret?" She asked.

"Yes." He said shortly.

"So, is it true. You've never been in love?" She asked, almost with pity.

He sighed and shut his eyes.

"No, I have never been in love, but yes I wonder if you could figure it out." He said referring to his secret.

"Is it not too personal?" She asked, hoping it would not be inappropriate to know about her professor secret.

"Well, in a way yes, but no not too personal." He said carefully.

"Great then it's a dare." She said with a smile, trying to brighten Remus up.

"Yes, it's a dare," Remus said casually, and extended his arm to shake hers.

"But be careful," he said warningly, "it might take you awhile."

"I don't mind," she said sweetly letting go of his rough, but warm hand.

"I could wait forever, sir. I've got time."

----------

"What am I doing?" Susan asked herself as she walked out of professor Lupin's private quarters. He was kind, smart, funny, and endearing to Susan. It was strange and felt so right, though she knew it was so wrong. They were in no way romantic, but instead becoming friends. They were developing a friendship that Susan felt so strongly it scared her.

* * *

**Thank you for reading and thank you to all of you who have reviewed! I really means a lot to me. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and look forward to your feedback. Please if you have any questions ask. I hope to have another chapter up in about a week and rememer reviews make me write faster :) **

**love, teawithme**


	4. Altercations

Altercations

--------

"Lisa! Lisa please, don't be like this! Just talk to me!" Susan screamed as she chased after a sopping wet Lisa. But her best friend kept walking and Susan had to jog to catch up to her.

"Wait! Talk to me!" Susan demanded as she reached Lisa. Lisa turned sharply, shrugging Susan's hand off of her shoulder. She observed her best friend's appearance and noticed it was a bit rougher than usual. Her blonde hair, now covered in mud, was falling out of her pony tail and a large purple bruise was placed squarely on her left cheek.

"Looks like it was a rough game," Susan said lightly, but Lisa did not smile.

"You wouldn't know would you?" Lisa spat, then continued to walk down the corridor. Susan sighed and followed her friend, she was determined to make things right.

"Come on! Why don't we go down to the kitchens and get some ice cream of something?" Susan said walking beside Lisa, who's eyes were locked straight ahead.

"Lisa I know you can't resist ice cream. It's your favorite," Susan said desperately trying to get some reaction from her friend. Groups of Hufflepuffs passed them as they walked down the corridor, they were all gossiping about the Quidditch game and celebrating their lucky victory.

"You know what Susan!" Lisa said suddenly, "I don't really want to talk to you right now. Maybe we can later, but I have more important things to do with people who actually care about me!" Lisa said shouted at Susan who stood still, she was frozen in place by her friends truthful words.

Lisa stormed down the corridor before Susan thought of something to say. Exhaling deeply she turned around and walked toward her dorm.

----------

Susan sat lazily on her bed, reading a muggle book. She thought it would be a good way to keep her mind off of things. It was one that professor Lupin had given her to read. He said it was the only clue he would give her about his secret. Chewing her lip Susan continually flipped through the pages, unable to stop. The enthralling story of _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ made sense to her, she understood it's meaning, but did not know what it had to do with professor Lupin.

Finishing the book, _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_, she quickly jumped off of her bed, holding the book close. Such an story eclipsed her secondary thoughts and pulsed through her veins. The two sides of human nature played through her head, but only one thing came to her mind. Her father. But that could not be true, or at least that was what Susan thought. Professor Lupin could not be a werewolf, he would have told her.

----------

"I finished the book," Susan said happily to Remus, who sat at his desk. It was thursday afternoon and classes were over for the day. Lisa still had not spoken to Susan, but whenever Susan saw Remus she felt happy. A stack of essay sat in front of him, and with a blank expression he scanned the messy penmanship of the third years.

"Did you?" He asked, pausing to look at Susan with an apprehensive look.

But she smiled, showing no sign of nervousness.

"Yes, it was a quick read. In fact, I actually finished it on Tuesday, but that doesn't really matter..." she said becoming slightly embarrassed, she thought she was rambling. Remus looked at her kindly though, and it encouraged her to continue.

"...it gave really great insight into the human nature. You know, I couldn't stop thinking of my father. He was kind of a literal example of the good and the evil," Susan said, toying with a quill she picked up from Remus's desk.

"But I guess I just don't know what it has to do with you," she said pondering. "I mean surly if you were a werewolf you would tell me, right?" Susan asked, laughing a bit.

Remus did not find it funny though, his face fell as he looked at Susan, who continued to play with the quill.

"Actually I don't know. I feel like werewolves usually don't tell many people of their condition if they don't have to," Remus said with a hint of defense.

Susan shrugged her shoulder and handed Remus his book, hoping she had not upset him by potentially calling him a werewolf.

"Here. I did enjoy it, thank you," she said as Remus grabbed the book from her hand.

"I'm glad," he said with an indulgent smile.

"Well, I better get going, I- I- I don't really have anything to do, but know I should go," Susan said, setting the quill back down onto Remus's desk.

"Oh?" Remus asked raising an eyebrow. "Is it something I said?" He asked concerned.

Susan's faced twisted into an unsatisfied look.

"No sir, it's been a rough week," she muttered quietly, intriguing Remus.

"Care to talk about it?" he asked observing her reaction.

"Sure," she said, and sat down on the chair across from him.

He looked at her strangely, then moved aside the stack of papers before him. "So, what's been bothering you?"

Susan picked up the quill again and fidgeted with it's multiple feathers. "Well, Lisa hasn't been talking to me and I think the Headmaster is kind of upset with me, because I wasn't there when the Dementor attacked Harry Potter for 'it's my Head. Girl duty' and on top of it all I have had loads of work and no time for fun," she said with a frown. "But It's not like I actually have a social life," Susan said grimly.

Remus laughed at Susan's remark, his honey colored eyes shined as he made eye contact with Susan. "No social life? You have more credentials then I do Susan!"

She rolled her own dark, dim eyes and sighed withering in self pity. "Yes, but my life is boring. It's all about school. It's only ever been about school! You know? Maybe I want to go travel the world and go to America! Yes, I would like to go to America and live like the Muggles," she said seriously.

"Susan, what has gotten into you? You love school," Remus said, matching her tone.

"I just want to grow up," Susan said simply. Her eyes wondered off to a portrait that was hanging on Remus's wall, it was a portrait of a young student sitting in class raising her hand for a question, it was the equivalent to an inspirational Muggle poster.

"I don't want to be like that girl for the rest of my life," Susan said pointing to the portrait behind Remus.

He turned his head to look at the painting, then shook his head. "Susan you're being silly," he said seriously.

"Silly?" she defensively, dropping the quill in her hands she sat up straight and looked at Remus coldly. If Susan had a downfall it would be how annoyingly stubborn she was.

"Yes, you are a bright girl and you still have a lot to learn before you can grown and live on your own," he said trying to bring Susan back to reality.

Susan shook her head. "I'm sure I would do just fine on my own sir."

"You're still a child Susan," he said emphasizing 'child.'

She gaped at him and awe, "a child? Professor Lupin I am not a child."

A piece of hair fell in his face as be became frustrated. "Believe it or not Miss Thoits, but you are not grown up yet. You may be 17, but you can't even imagine what it's like to be independent."

"Sir, clearly you don't understand what I've been through. My whole life I've had to depend on me and only me for what I want. Yes, I've had a nice home to live in, but my mother is no piece of cake," Susan said, her temper rising.

"Please, Susan, I do not want to fight with you, but I do want you to stay focused. Because you deserve it," he said earnestly.

Susan stared at Remus, her face softening a bit, then she stood and grabbed her leather satchel.

"I better leave," she said as she pushed her chair back under his desk and left the room.

--------

"Oh Sully, I've missed you!" Susan exclaimed as she walked into the kitchens. The kitchens it seemed was the place Susan liked the best for comfort and peace of mind. But today there was an altercation the usually peaceful quarters.

"Susan! Susan! Sully needs your help! The other house elves, they're fighting!" Sully exclaimed as Susan walked through the portrait.

"Sully what are they fighting about?" Susan asked Sully, who clung to Susan's leg in fear.

"About Sirius Black! Izzy told Billy that Black likes house elves. Sully needs your help Miss!" Sully explained as they walked towards the small group of house elves in the corner of the large white kitchen.

"Excuse me, but what is going on here?" Susan asked the crowd of elves. Quickly they straightened up, but one little elf laid on the ground apparently hurt. She worn a tattered dress like the rest of the girl elves, with flowers embroidered along the linen hem.

"Who did this?" Susan asked, pointing to Izzy. All of the elves looked at Susan apprehensively as she rushed and grabbed the frail body, holding it to her chest.

"I order you to tell me who did this!" Susan shouted at all the scared elves, dressed in their scrappy clothes. Hanging his head low a scruffy looking elf walked towards Susan. "I did Miss. Billy used elf magic to put Izzy to sleep."

Susan pursed her lips at the elf, and laid Izzy on a soft pile of dish towel.

"Please, do not worry about Sirius Black. As Head Girl, I can assure you Black will not step foot in this castle, let alone come after you sweet, wonderful creatures," Susan said kindly to the lot of house elves that surrounded her.

"But Billy, please practice some self control. You do not want me to have to tell Professor Dumbledore that you've been misbehaving, do you?" She asked the chubby elf, who looked at her sadly.

"No, Miss. Billy is sorry for what he did and will not do it again," he said earnestly.

"Good," she said patting him on the back. "Now, I trust you all will behave yourselves?" Susan asked, and all the elves nodded their head vigorously. Susan stood smiling at the elves, whilst Sully still gripped her leg tightly as if knowing that something would happen.

----------

"Are you talking to me yet?" Susan asked Lisa, who until now had successfully avoided Susan for almost a week.

"No," she said plainly, she was studying in the common room for her Charms test that was scheduled for the next day.

"Alright then," Susan said walking away from Lisa, and up the stairs to her dormitory.

Susan laid sadly on her bed. Both her best friend and her favorite professor were upset with her. Not to mention the eerie tension that was filtrating through the castle. Something was wrong, but she just didn't know what it was. The only thing Susan knew for sure was that she was bored and that something needed to happen. She couldn't spend the rest of her seventh year buried in books.

* * *

**Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it! I hope you liked this chapter, it was kind of different...I don't know if you could say that I really enjoyed writing it, but it's important. Anyway, please review and give me feedback! I want to know what you guys think :) Expect another update soonish (depends on # reviews and homework). **

**love, teawithme**

**p.s. I know that chapter was short, but I promise it will be longer and more exciting next time**


	5. Impromptu Apologies

Impromptu Apologies

----------

It was the week before Halloween, which meant the Hogsmead trip was coming up, and Susan had still not spoken with Lisa. It was not due to her lack of effort, in fact every day for the past two weeks Susan planned out how she was going to apologize, but everyday Lisa successfully avoided her. It did not help that Head Girl had her own dorm room, therefore Susan could not just enter a dorm when she was not welcomed. But Susan was becoming distressed and was determined to apologize to both Lisa and Remus, who she had not spent much time with either in the past two weeks. Consumed by her emotions Susan neglected her school work and set out to make her apologies.

* * *

Though Susan was a hard worker she had the mentality of a slacker, "always do the easiest thing first," she thought before she did anything. In this situation the easiest thing would be apologizing to Lupin, because frankly he was a teacher and could not show his emotions like Lisa could. So, Susan walked briskly down the castle's corridors making her way towards Lupin's class room. It was a Friday afternoon and she hoped he would still be in the class room, invading his private quarters on these terms would be mildly inappropriate. She had changed out of her uniform and was dressed comfortably in jeans and a white, v neck t-shirt, but being as flustered as she had been for the past weeks she failed to notice that she was wearing a read bra. The sheer cotton left only a small space for the imagination, and Susan was oblivious to it all.

"Excuse me, professor Lupin," Susan said, entering the classroom slowly. She was not sure if he was even there, but she walked in anyway. The door at the top of the small staircase in the back of the room opened and Remus stepped onto the landing, looking unusually healthy.

"Miss Thoits, what are you doing here?" He asked, unaware of why she was visiting him on a Friday.

Hurriedly she walked to the back of the room, "well sir if you don't mind, could I have a word with you?" She asked ascending the staircase.

He gave her a weak smile. "You are more then welcomed to Susan."

"Thank you!"

Susan reached the top of the stairs and followed Remus into his study. Papers littered his desk and books were scattered across the floor. His space reminded her of his private quarters.

"Have the house elves not cleaned here in awhile?" Susan asked jokingly as she took a seat across from him at his desk.

He took a curious peak at the ground, then made a funny facial expression. "Hmm I guess not. I haven't really noticed that lately," he said looking at all of the clutter.

"No worry sir. I was only joking," Susan assured him, conscious of her behavior towards him. She needed to be redeeming.

"So, what did you want to speak with me about?" Remus asked, before sitting down on his desk chair.

"Oh, well, actually let me think for a moment," Susan said rubbing the side of her head.

"Alright," Remus said with a chuckle. "Would you like some tea while you think?"

"Yes that would be lovely," Susan said, whilst still thinking of how she wanted to apologize.

Remus smiled and sat up form his chair. With his wand he summoned two mugs and filled them with hot water that was on a small stove in the corner of his study.

"Is green tea alright?" He asked before steeping the tea.

Looking up from her thoughts Susan nodded, "yes, green tea sounds wonderful right now."

"So, have you thought of it yet?" Remus asked setting a chipped mug in front of Susan.

Grabbing the warm mug in her hands Susan responded. "Yup, and please keep in mind this is impromptu," she said pausing. "Right, well, I came here today sir to apologize for our last conversation. I was out of line and was being quite daft and I hate seeming daft. But you have to realize that I am very stubborn person and do not like to be told I'm wrong. It's not a good thing, but it's part of the package," Susan said with a laugh, as she looked at Remus, who was watching her, while taking sips of his tea.

"And I guess that's really all I've got sir. I missed talking with you the past two weeks, you're a really good listener and I appreciate that."

A smile was plastered on Remus's lips at her last comment, and Susan knew he had forgiven her.

"Thank you, Susan, for the apology. It is very mature of you," he said alluding to his new views on her age.

"So, does this mean you don't think I'm a child anymore?" Susan asked excitedly.

Remus sighed.

"Well, considering you're half my age it's hard for me to see you as anything more, but you have proven yourself different than most students I have."

"Alright, then I'll take that as a yes." Susan gazed at Remus happily, then glanced down at her shirt. She froze when she noticed that she was most definitely wearing a red bra and a white shirt. As nonchalantly as possible Susan crossed her arms across her highlighted chest and continued with their conversation. But Remus noticed.

"Are you cold, Susan?" He asked noticing that Susan was hugging herself. "I can shut that window if you'd like me too."

"Oh no I'm fine, just stretching my triceps," she said making a pathetic excuse, but only digging herself into a deeper hole. Slowly she unfolded her arms, figuring it would be suspicious if she 'stretched her triceps' for too long.

"Alright if you say so," Remus said looking at Susan, but he quickly looked away clearly having noticed what she was trying to cover. Avoiding eye contact he continued the conversation.

"So, do you have any plans for Halloween?" Remus asked, casually looking out the window.

Susan thought of a moment. "No, not really. I'll probably go Hogsmead for awhile to buy a few things, then come back to the castle and just relax. How about you, professor?"

"Please Susan, you can call me Remus if you'd like, but only when we're not in class," he offered Susan, who made an awkward facial expression. Remus chuckled at her, "you don't have to if you don't want to Susan."

"No, no I like your name, Remus," she said with a girly smile. Forgetting that she looked like she was trying to seduce her teacher with her clothing, Susan relaxed a bit and crossed her legs comfortably in her chair.

"So, what are you doing for Halloween?" Susan inquired.

"Um I don't know. I'll probably grade papers all day," he said trying to make it sound exciting.

"Grade papers? On Halloween? That's pathetic," Susan said seriously. "Even I do something fun on Halloween."

Remus smiled and looked at Susan, his eyes absentmindedly trailing down her body, but he quickly looked away. "Who knows, maybe something exciting will happen," he said, hoping that Susan did not notice his stare.

"How could you pass up Honeydukes? I though you were a chocolate lover Remus," Susan asked raising an eyebrow, and challenging his credibility.

"Are you accusing me of chocolate negligence? Because if you are, keep in mind teachers can go to Hogsmead whenever they like," he said whilst he opened a drawer and pulled out a brown, paper bag. "Have some if you'd like," he said throwing the bag across his desk.

Susan smiled and looked into the bag. There was of course an assortment of chocolates, and Susan took a hand full.

"This is a nice stash," Susan commented before throwing the bag back to him. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Remus said grabbing a handful as well, and putting the bag back into the drawer.

"You know, I can go to Hogsmead whenever I like too," Susan said slyly.

"Oh? Should I be worried about this?" Remus asked, wondering what Susan was hinting at.

"No, just letting you know that you're teachers privilege isn't that special," Susan joked, but played a serious face.

"Just fabulous, I love being one upped by my pratty seventeen year old students," Remus said jokingly, but Susan gaped at him.

"Are you calling me a prat? Or Percy, because by all means call Percy a fucking thick headed dimwit, but not me!"

"Watch your language Miss Thoits," Remus said with a laugh, and mock authority.

"Oh, sorry, but Remus we're friends, right? I mean you are of course my teacher and I respect you, but we can be friends still." Susan said, unsure of what Remus would say.

"Yes, we can be friends Susan," Remus said with a smile, causing Susan to beam at him.

"Good, because I really like spending time with you," Susan said softly.

"Yes, it is nice to have someone other than professor Snape to talk with," Remus said with a laugh.

"Dear god, you actually converse with him? Please, if you ever need company just ask me," Susan asked, taking her last sip of tea, and gazing jovially into Remus's eyes.

* * *

"Lisa, this is my impromptu apology," Susan said to Lisa, who stood in front of her beside the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room.

"Okay," Lisa said softly, waiting for Susan to speak.

"Well, I made a selfish choice and I deeply regret it. Lisa, you're my best friend and you always will be. I love you, you know you're like my sister and I hate that we haven't talked in about two weeks! Please, I know you're probably still mad, but can we at least start speaking to each other again? I will understand if you don't want to hold hands and skip down the halls with me, but please can we at least study for Defense together? I miss you," Susan said earnestly and quickly.

Lisa smiled at her friend and nodded her head.

"Of course, Susi. I have a lot to tell you too," Lisa said hugging her best friend.

"Alright, lets go up to my dorm," Susan said hooking arms with Lisa and walking up to her private dorm.

----------

"Wait so have you kissed him yet?" Susan asked Lisa.

"Have I kissed him?" Lisa asked, laughing hysterically. "Susi of course I've kissed him! That's all we do."

"I'd expect nothing less from you," Susan said jokingly. Lisa and Susan sat on Susan's bed for hours catching up on things. A lot can happen in two weeks.

"Do you love him?" Susan asked, mildly serious.

Lisa bit her lip in thought. "Um, I don't think so, but I might be close. He's the only boyfriend I've had for more than two weeks, if that means anything," Lisa said, talking about her and Cedric.

"Yeah, I'm impressed!" Susan exclaimed, "usually you'd have already had five boyfriends come Halloween and this year you've only had three."

"Oh, shut up Susi," Lisa said shoving her arm playfully.

"You know I'm joking."

"Yeah, I know. So, how are things with you and professor Lupin?" Lisa asked excitedly.

Susan blushed, it seemed like she had been doing that a lot lately. "Well, things are good. We're friends and we just talk about stuff," Susan said trying not to make it sound to interesting.

"Friends? You know what that means, right?" Lisa said, over thinking things like usual.

"What does that mean?" Susan asked, curious about what she was going to say.

"The next step is boyfriend and girlfriend," she said happily.

Susan rolled her eyes. "Please, Lisa, he's our teacher. I could never date him that would be inappropriate and he would get fired. Plus it would have to be a secret," Susan said, thinking of reasons why she could never date her professor.

"Oh, it happens all the time, Susi. I mean you're legal, a seventh year and Head Girl. You're not some awkward third year," Lisa said, expressing a good point.

Susan shrugged her shoulder.

"I do like him," she said realizing that she did in fact have a large crush on her professor.

"Kiss him!" Lisa exclaimed, bobbing up and down a bit.

"No, I refuse to physically express my feelings for him, while he's my teacher. I'll have to figure something else out," she said trying to think of ways she could show her feelings.

"This is so exciting! You've finally found the man of your dreams, Susi."

"Yeah, I guess I have," Susan said beaming at her best friend.

* * *

"Miss Thoits, where do you think you're going?" Professor Snape asked Susan, who was headed to see Remus.

Susan jumped when she heard his low, soft voice behind her in the shadows of the empty corridor. She quickly turned and looked at him queerly, she was slightly unnerved by his sharp questioning.

"I-I am just making my rounds, sir," she lied, but stood confidently before him. Only the flickering light from a lit torch showed his shadowed figure.

"Hm, right. Well don't think I haven't noticed you've been spending a lot of time with professor Lupin, or do you call him Remus now?" Snape asked snidely.

Susan took a step back and gaped at Snape. She knew he didn't like her, because he always gave her bad grades, but now he was going too far.

"Excuse me, sir, but I don't know what your talking about," Susan said, clearly in defense.

But Snape laughed sadistically at Susan. "Oh, is this a sensitive topic? I'm sorry, maybe you should go speak with your furry little friend. You wouldn't want to keep him waiting, would you?"

Susan stood still and watched Snape walk away. Why was he stalking her relationship with Remus? Though she knew Snape hated her, she didn't know he hated her that much. Sighing heavily she turned and continued down the hall way, thinking about what he had said. _Furry little friend? _What was that supposed to mean? Susan had no idea, but as she drew closer to the portrait of the twilight landscape, she noticed it was brighter than before. Examining that glowing portrait, Susan noticed the moon was now nearing a full moon, and the stars twinkled alarmingly. Thoroughly perplexed, Susan knocked softly on the portrait and waited for Remus to answer.

"Ah, Susan, you got my owl," Remus said happily, when he greeted Susan.

She smiled brightly and nodded her head. "Yes, of course, and I also brought that one thing you asked for," Susan said, pulling a small package out of her billowing cloak.

"Fabulous," Remus said, his eyes full of lust and envy. Softly he put his hand on Susan's shoulder and led her into his quarters, and quickly checked outside of the portrait to be sure that no one was coming...

* * *

**Hmm, I wonder what Susan has for Remus? Surely she's got him lusting for it. Anyway I hope you enjoyed the update! Strangely enough I have been updating like crazy, mostly because I plan on dragging this story out. I think I'm going to go through the 6th book :) Please review and tell me what you think. I would really love some constructive feedback, and I would also like ****your opinion**** on what I should do for the next chapter. It's going to be the Halloween chapter and something juicy needs to happen, right? Thank you again, and look for another update soon!!**

**love, teawithme**

**p.s. thank you for all of the lovely reviews...you're the best :) **

**p.p.s. sorry if there are any typo's...**


	6. Havoc on Halloween

Havoc on Halloween

----------

"You know, I knew I could count on you to get this excited about a book," Susan said to Remus, who was eagerly reading the back of the hard cover book she brought him.

He nodded absentmindedly in response to her statement, and continued to flip through the book's crisp pages. She smiled at his interest abound and sat down next to him on the couch. Lazily she relaxed into the large cushions and softly she put her head on Remus's shoulder, in attempt to read along with him. She could feel his shoulder tense and his eyes gaze at her, but she continued to read the pages in front of her, and he too began to relax. But Remus closed the book, and Susan lifted her head from his shoulder, meeting his ardent eyes. An intense chill ran down her spine as they made eye contact and very slowly Susan looked away from Remus, and sat straight on the couch.

Uncomfortably, Remus cleared his throat and stood up from the couch, taking the book with him. He placed the coveted book on a wooden shelf that lined the wall, and timidly looked at Susan, who followed his every move with her eyes.

"So," Susan said awkwardly, she sat at the edge of the couch contemplating whether or not she should get up. "Tomorrow is Halloween."

Remus nodded and returned to the couch. "That it is," he said calmly and apathetically.

"Would you like to go to the Three Broomsticks with me tomorrow, Remus?" Susan asked suddenly, her outburst laced with uncertainty and insecurity.

Slightly he pursed his lips, but they curved into a slight smile.

"Could we meet there early, like at eleven thirty? I have to meet with another student at two," Remus asked, looking at Susan who was fervently blushing beside him.

"Of course," she said happily, in fact Susan felt happier than she had in a long time, though she could not deny the little hint of jealousy she felt about the other student.

* * *

"So, what are your plans for today?" Lisa asked Susan, who was already dressed to go. She simply wore a pair of jeans, grey sweater, and a pair of brown leather boots.

"Well, at elven thirty I am meeting with professor Lupin at the Three Broomsticks, and then I don't know what I'm doing the rest of the time. Do you want to meet up?" Susan asked Lisa, who had several outfits spread across her bed, most of them including dresses.

"Of course, and you do realize we never celebrated your seventeenth birthday properly, right?" Lisa said grabbing a purple dress and slipping it on over her wool tights.

Susan laughed at her friend, who was imply that she get Susan drunk. "Lisa, I can't get drunk," she exclaimed, and ran her hand through her long, dark, brown hair.

Lisa rolled her eyes and looked at her self in the mirror, "we'll see."

"Alright, so want to meet me at the Three Broomsticks at one?" Susan asked, she fumble with a stick of eye liner then set it down, she never wore much make-up.

"Sounds good, how do you think I should do my hair? I'm meeting with Cedric."

Susan looked at her friends long, wavy, blond hair, and tilted her head to the side.

"Hmm, I would either keep it down, or braid it," Susan suggested, "especially if you're going to wear a sweater with that dress. I can do a loose braid for you, it's a very fall look."

Still looking in the mirror, Lisa nodded in agreement, and Susan quickly french braided her hair.

"Merlin's beard," Susan shouted as she glanced at her watch. "I have to go, but I'll see you at one!" She said to Lisa, as she ran out of her dorm.

----------

"Bloody hell, Remus, I am so sorry I am late," Susan said frantically, as she ran into the smokey little pub. She walked over to Remus, who sat at a table near a window, and she noticed that no students had filtrated the popular spot yet, she thought for a moment that was why Remus wanted to come earlier. Rumors were quite popular at Hogwarts.

"Please, don't worry Susan, it's fine," he said warmly to her, as she took of her coat and sat down in the chair across from him.

Susan smiled brightly at Remus, and looked out the window. The streets were starting to get busy and there was already a line outside of Honeydukes, which opened at noon.

"Have you ordered yet?" Susan asked Remus, who also was gazing out the window, enjoying the fall scene.

"No, I have not, but what would you like? I can go and order now," he offered kindly, waiting for Susan to fill her order.

She bit her lip and thought for a moment. "Just a regular Butter Beer sounds fantastic right now."

Remus nodded and went to order. Susan watch him walk towards that counter and could not help, but let her eyes travel along his body. Though he looked tired, wore shabby clothes, and had speckles of grey hair Susan thought he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen.

He came back with the drinks and smiled at Susan, she loved it when he did that. His smiled eclipsed his tired eyes and brought youth to his features.

"So, what did you get?" Susan asked Remus, who was taking a sip of his drink, which looked like a butter beer.

"Butter beer with ginger, would you like to try it?" He asked, kindly offering his drink to Susan.

She smiled, but shook her head. "No thank you, but it sounds lovely."

"It is," he said taking another drink. They sat in silence for awhile just enjoying each others company, their drinks, and the homey atmosphere of the pub. Remus gazed at Susan who was playing with the handle of her mug and started conversation.

"So, how are your other classes going?" He asked sincerely interested.

She looked at him and pursed her lips. "Well, they're all lovely except for potions. Professor Snape hates me."

Remus ran a hand through his hair and raised an eyebrow. "Has he ever said anything to you?"

Susan nodded. "Well, he's always had contempt for me, because I am a Gryffindor and well do well in his class, but recently he has been especially cold," Susan said solemnly.

"Like, what has he said to you?" Remus asked curiously.

"Well, yesterday in fact, as I was walking to your quarters he inquired me about you, he seemed suspicious and was jumping to wrong conclusions," Susan said, her cheeks turning bright red.

Remus smirked and nodded in understanding. "Well, you see Professor Snape and I don't get along too well. We were in the same year at Hogwarts and we were in rival houses, and my friends weren't the most welcoming of boys you'd ever meet. So, naturally he still is contemptuous towards me," Remus said, seeming almost bitter about his relationship with Snape.

"Oh, so you picked on him at school?" Susan asked hesitantly.

"No, I didn't, but my friends did. Snape I think it bitter, because I did not stop them. To this day I still feel bad about that. I wish I had."

"Well, you can always apologize now, although I don't know if he would accept it. I think he's very misunderstood," Susan said solemnly, and Remus nodded in agreement.

"You're right, but I shall try and make amends," he said hopefully.

Susan laughed to herself. "Maybe he just needs a girlfriend. You know someone to soften him up a bit."

Remus looked at Susan strangely, raising a comical eyebrow.

"Oh, please Remus don't give me that look. I know for a fact that there are plenty of Slytherin girls that would get off on that," Susan said quite serious.

For the first time Susan heard Remus whole heartily laugh, as if he were a kid again and someone had just gotten a chair pulled out from underneath them. She couldn't help, but smile at him as his eyes started to gleam with the pure joy of laughter.

A couple of stares were directed there way, but they did not notice. Well, at least not until Lisa showed up.

"What are you two laughing about?" She asked, she and Cedric were walking hand in hand, but Lisa held a small glass filled with an amber liquid in the other.

"Oh, nothing just something about a book," Susan lied, not wanting to explain the whole story to Lisa and Cedric.

"Hmm, well that sounds funny," Lisa said with no enthusiasm.

"You should have been here," Remus said smiling at the two.

"Right, well I came to stir things up a bit," Lisa said eyeing the glass in her hand.

"So, let the good times roll," she said placing it in front off Susan who stared at the glass, then Remus, then Lisa, whom smiled jovially.

"Is it one already?" Susan asked, and Lisa shook her head.

"Nope, it's barely twelve thirty, but we thought we'd come early. You see we made a reservation at Madam Puddifoot's at one thirty," Lisa explained, whilst Cedric pulled up two chairs for them to sit in.

"So, drink up my friend and happy birthday!" Lisa shouted, but Susan pushed the drink away, conscious of her teacher, who was sitting right across from her.

"Come on Susi! You promised, plus you're not officially seventeen until you've taken a shot," Lisa said persuasively, and Remus nodded.

"She's kind of right," he said adding to the peer pressure.

"Fine," she said stubbornly, "but just one."

Slowly she lifted the small shot glass and held it to her lips. In a quick, fluid motion she swallowed the warm, burning liquid and made a grotesque expression.

"Are you trying to kill me?" Susan asked Lisa, who could only laugh at her dear friend. Suddenly Susan began to feel light headed and blurry. But surely she was not drunk, or at least thats what she thought. One shot could not make you drunk, could it?

Sighing she laid her head on the table and Lisa stared at her pathetically.

"Susi, you're not drunk," she stated firmly.

"You don't know that. I may not handle alcohol well," she said slowly lifting her head, not feeling well.

"Well, back at the castle, in the kitchens, there are some tonics," Remus said, looking wearily at Susan.

"I'm going to go back to the castle," Susan said sitting up. "Thanks, Lisa," Susan said seriously, before giving her friend a big hug. She knew Lisa had good intentions.

"Bye, Cedric," she said lightly smiling and grabbing her red coat.

"I'll take her back to the castle," Remus said to Lisa, who looked worried, but she nodded.

"Thank you, professor."

----------

"Sorry, you have to see me like this," Susan said to Remus, who helped Susan walk back up to the castle.

"It's quite alright Susan, I have seen people way worse than you before," he said quickly grabbing her arm as she began to falter.

"I've never had a drink before," she said clutching his arm, trying to steady herself.

"Well, now you know what it's like, right?" Remus asked her jokingly.

She huffed. "Unfortunately."

"Well, we'll get you a tonic, dear," he said as the neared the castle.

"Thank you," she said looking up at him. Her face was pale, her hair was messy, and she looked like she hadn't slept in days.

Softly Remus pushed back the hair that fell in front of her eyes and carefully walked her to the kitchens.

* * *

"Please! Everyone stay back! I am HEAD BOY!!" Percy shouted as he tried to get through the packed crowd of Gryffindors. The stairway to the portrait of the Fat Lady was virtually clogged with students frantically moving about.

"Percy! Get up here now!" Susan shouted. She was at the portrait, which had been violently slashed open. She worriedly looked around her, fellow students inquired her about what happened, but she shook her head and ignored their questions.

"Someone get the Head Master!" She shouted, but suddenly he appeared, seeming quite angry. Susan watched as he examined the painting, but focused her attention to Filch, the caretaker, who limply walked towards Dumbledore.

"Filch, please check every portrait in the castle and find the Fat Lady," Dumbledore demanded, and Filch nodded.

"Sir, she's right there!" He said instantly pointing her out. She was crouched down behind a hippopotamus, her face was distorted with horror.

"Fat Lady, what has happened to you?" Dumbledore asked compassionately.

"Sirius Black!" She cried. "He's in the castle, he tried to get into the Gryffindor Tower," She cried ever louder and ran away through the portraits that lined the castle wall.

"Susan, Percy, get everyone into the Great Hall, now!" Dumbledore demanded and walked away to find the rest of the teachers.

"Everyone to the Great Hall now!" Susan shouted and pushed the students down the stairs. Worried looks and whispers were exchanged and the air was suddenly filled with a grim suspicion.

----------

"Please everyone stay in your sleeping bags and go to sleep! Everything is fine!" Susan shouted across the Great Hall. Hundreds of student laid on the stone floor, wrapped in purple and gold sleeping bags. For the past hour Susan and Percy had been preaching unfounded lies to their classmates, as the Hogwarts staff searched the castle of the infamous, Sirius Black, who Susan did not know was gone or not.

Pacing the narrow rows of stone floor, Susan heard soft sniffles coming from the far corner of the room. Hurriedly, Susan followed the noise and approached a young girl cuddled into her sleeping bag, crying.

"Excuse me," Susan said softly to the girl, as she knelt beside her sleeping bag. The young girl looked up timidly at Susan with wide eyes.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?" Susan asked kindly, hoping her words were not drowned out by Percy's annoying hushing sounds.

The girl nodded and tried to suppress her sobs. Susan frowned at the poor girl, knowing that she was far near alright.

"Would you like to go sit outside the Great Hall with me for awhile?" Susan asked the girl, who she presumed was a first year.

Nodding quickly, the girl sat up and followed Susan outside of the Great Hall doors. Dim light, lit the castle foyer and professor Flitwick, the Charms teacher, stood guard.

"Miss Thoits, what are you doing?" He inquired, as Susan and the girl emerged from the Great Hall.

"Just helping a student," Susan said simply, walking the young girl over towards a stone wall. Susan laid a spare sleeping bag across the ground and sat down with the girl beside her.

"You can lay down and sleep or you just sit and talk with me if you'd like," Susan said smiling warmly to the girl, who voluntarily sprawled out across the sleeping bag. Comfortingly, Susan rubbed the girls back, as she dozed off to sleep. Wether the young girl was scared of Black, or worried about him, or upset about something else, Susan sympathized with her, because Susan too felt scared.

"Miss Thoits, the head master said that all students must stay in the Great Hall, so I need to move her, alright?" Professor Flitwick said, before levitating the young girl back into the Great Hall.

Susan said nothing, but continued to sit still with her back pressed against the hard brick wall. Unjustified tears rolled down her flushed cheeks, she was scared. Usually Susan did not feel scared, or vulnerable for that matter, but when she did she would feel miserable. She would shake, get chills, even run a high fever in some cases, but today she just felt alone and helpless.

"Susan?" Remus asked worried, but she did not answer, instead she hugged her legs and cried relentlessly. Susan could hear the voices for other teachers coming back from their rounds, so Susan stood up and quickly headed towards her dorm. She successfully slipped past the head master through the castle's shadows, but she knew Remus was close behind her.

"Susan!" He said sternly, and she began to run. Being seventeen years younger than Remus she was faster, and she neared the Gryffindor tower before he could catch her.

Breathlessly, Susan stopped at the portrait of the Fat Lady, which Susan had forgotten, was not there anymore. Frustrated she let out defeated cry, and collapsed to the ground her tears coming back.

"Susan?" Remus asked hesitantly, he walked up the stairs to see Susan sitting against the wall with her head in her hands, sobbing.

"Susan, love, what's wrong?" Remus asked, deeply concerned, but again she wouldn't look up.

Sighing deeply, Remus sat beside her and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. Instantly she grabbed onto him and relinquished her emotions. He gently rocked her and rubbed her back, whilst she slowly began to calm. Sniffling softly, she looked up at her professor, who she has successfully fallen in love with, then buried her head into the crevice of his neck. Holding her tight, he lightly kissed the top of her head, and Susan held onto him tighter, hoping that he'd kiss her again.

* * *

**So, what did you think? Good, bad, ugly? I would love to know. Thank you to everyone that has been reviewing, I really appreciate it! Also, I have been popping these chapters out like babies, so there might be a bit of a pace change. Maybe one a week? Sound good? I hope you enjoyed the chapter...I mean Remus and Suasn are getting a little close, eh? Like usual, if you have any questions, suggestions, or comments just tell me! I loooooove feedback. The more I get the faster I update. Have a wonderful presidents day (if you live in America) and I'll be updating again soon!**

**love, teawithme**


	7. Bewilderment

Bewilderment

----------

The next day the chaos had died down. Everyone was back in their dormitories and preoccupied with their friends or studies. But Susan was still affected by events of Halloween. She felt paranoid and was unusually jumpy, something she rarely felt. Foreign emotions had invaded her psyche and bamboozled her usual stable state. She yearned to be near Remus. To be kissed, held, or evenly lightly touched would fulfill her passionate desires, but she doubted that they would be satisfied. She spent her day lying in bed dreaming, fantasizing about him. What she would give to make love to him was unfathomable.

It was quite pathetic though. Susan Thoits, the perfect student, was suddenly infatuated with her mangy, old professor. But she saw something so perfect behind his tired facade that shined with the sanguine essence of spring. She knew she could unfold his bounded edges, she knew she could appreciate each of his facets, she knew she could show him love. Love, something neither of them had yet to fully experience. But of course she was yielded by some minor factors such as their age difference, their social status, and his secret.

It was the first Friday of November and Susan had not seen Remus all week. November crept upon Hogwarts with a wave of fatigue. Copious amounts of students were being sent to the Hospital Wing and professor Lupin, who claimed to have an inadequate immune-system, was again sick. Susan, being smitten as she was with her professor, was worried.

* * *

"Sir Cadogan, you're a prick! Now let me in!" Susan screamed at the new portrait that lined the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. The little knight pulled out his sword, which was disproportional to his body and stood in a warrior stance.

"Fight me first!" He yelled challenging Susan, who was eager to get into her dorm. She had been dealing with Sir Cadogan for fifteen minutes and refused to duel the portrait.

"No, let me in! I am Head Girl," She stated firmly, showing blatant signs of displeasure.

"Why must you be so serious?" Sir Cadogan asked Susan disappointedly, but she just stomped her foot in frustration and cringed at the word serious.

"Well, give me the password and I will let you in," Sir Cadogan said stubbornly, pointing his long sword at Susan who crossed her arms and fumed at the small caricature.

"I don't know the password you dimwit!" Susan screamed at the miniature knight, who took a step back from Susan.

"Well, that's not my problem now, is it?" He asked Susan, who clenched her fists in pure contempt.

"Oh, no it is your problem you little prat! You're the one who has been changing the password continuously!"

Polishing his armor with purple velvet cloth, Sir Cadogan rolled his eyes, "well it looks like you won't be sleeping in your own bed tonight..."

"Fine!" Susan yelled hysterically at the portrait and quickly turned on her heel. It had already been a miserable week with most every student being sick and Remus being absent from all of their Defense Against the Dark Arts classes. But Sir Cadogan surely knew how to distress Susan.

"Where the bloody hell am I supposed to go now?" Susan asked herself as she walked down the moving staircase aimlessly.

It was eleven o'clock on a Saturday night and Susan was locked out of her own dormitory. She thought surely being Head Girl entitled you to free reign of your own bed. But, according to Sir Cadogan, who was as thick as troll, Susan was subordinate. There was only one place she could go, because she was not going to sleep in the kitchens no matter how much she loved Sully. Sleeping on a pile of old dish towels did not graciously appeal to her at this hour, so she continued down the moving staircase to find the familiar landscape portrait.

----------

The portrait slowly opened and light flooded the dark corridor. Susan squinted her eyes, trying to readjust them to the light, but she was quickly engulfed in light as Remus pulled her into his private quarters.

"Susan? What are you doing here?" Remus asked quite shocked to she her at this hour. But Susan was even more shocked to see that Remus did not look too sick. His face was pale, but as she scanned his face for any other signs of fatigue she could not see any.

"Well, um it's quite embarrassing, but I will tell you anyway. I mean you did see me wasted, didn't you?" She asked Remus, who looked apprehensive. She was nervous for his reaction, he did not seem too excited about her being in his quarters.

"Please, explain," he said walking into the kitchen to finish steeping his tea.

"You see, the Fat Lady was replaced by Sir Cadogan, and he is not too fond of me..." Susan said, hoping to have implied that she had no place to stay, but Remus waited for her to continue.

"And, well he won't let me into my dormitory and it's eleven o'clock at night and I did not want to sleep on a pile of old dish rags in the kitchens..." Susan said uncertainly to Remus, who continued to steep in his tea.

"Susan," Remus said slowly, "do you realize how inappropriate it would be if I let you sleep here?"

Shaking her head fervently, Susan felt the compulsion to leave, "Yes sir and I am really sorry. I guess I didn't realize how much trouble you could actually get into."

"You're right. I could get into a lot of trouble," Remus said solemnly, but looked up at Susan, who stood leaning against the counter top awkwardly.

"I should go," She said stepping away from the counter and towards the door.

"No, Susan wait," Remus said internally conflicted. He wanted her to stay, but knew it could potentially be harmful to her and his reputation.

"Okay," she said pausing mid step and turning to Remus.

He looked at her like one looks at a lost puppy. Her hair was disgruntled, her purple blouse wrinkled and her cheeks red with embarrassment. It was impossible to say no to her, she was like a enticing siren to him.

"I will sleep on the couch and you can take my bed," Remus said to Susan who gaped at him. The phase 'you can take my bed' sent her hormones ragging and her cheeks burned.

"Please Remus, I am more than happy to sleep on the couch. In fact, I love couches they're so comfortable, soft, irresistible," Susan said persuasively to Remus, who smiled at Susan.

"Alright," he said ridding of his tea bag and taking a sip of his drink.

"Would you like some tea?" He offered Susan and she nodded.

"Yes, please I would love some."

Feeling a more comfortable with Remus, than she ever had she took the initiative to get her own cup and choose her own tea.

"You don't mind if I look at the different types you have, right?" Susan asked Remus, who leaned leisurely against the counter.

"No, of course not," he said watching her admirably.

Looking through his cupboard Susan laughed at the variety of tea Remus had collected. There was every fruit, herb, zinger and spice imaginable and they all were contained in their own metal tin. But Susan smiled over her savored favorite; peppermint tea. Taking the tin from the cupboard she smiled widely at Remus.

"What's the verdict?" He asked her interested.

"Well, it was a tough choice between the chocolate tea and the peppermint tea, but I choose the peppermint. It's always been my favorite," Susan said adding the tea to her cup of scolding water. The aroma filled the air and sent s tingling shiver down her spine.

"Hmm that is a very good choice," Remus said walking over to the couch. Susan followed and sat beside him with her tea cup in hand.

"So, sorry to keep you up so late. Tell me when you want to go to bed and I'll go to bed too," Susan said, trying to be as less a nuisance as possible.

"Okay," Remus said calming, resting his head against the back of the couch.

"Oh, and how are you feeling? You've been gone for a week," Susan asked, almost forgetting Remus's long absence.

"I am doing well," Remus said to Susan, "just a little drowsy at times."

"That's good. So, you'll be in class on Monday?"

"Of course," Remus said sitting up straight.

"Everyone has been sick this week," Susan said with a laugh.

"You know, it reminds me of my fourth year," Susan said happily as she reminisced.

"How?" Remus asked, and Susan began her story.

"Well, you have to keep in mind that I do not hate many people. As far as I know there are only about five or so, but there is one that I just cannot stand!" Susan sad with gusto, causing Remus to laugh.

"Who might this person be?" Remus asked interestedly.

"Nymphodora Tonks," Susan stated grimly.

Remus raised an eyebrow, "I have heard of her," he said, "but I've never met her."

"You're so lucky. She is the most obnoxious, loathsome, brat I have ever met. You see she we hated each other even though I was a only a fourth year and she was a seventh. We were rivals and everyone knew it. She's actually the reason I don't want to be an Auror, because that's what she's training to be and I don't know what I would do if I ever had to work with her," Susan said ranting about Nymphodora.

"I know it might sound childish, Remus, but she is just as bad as I am. It's just really hard for me to be civil around her, oh merlin, I forgot what I was about to say," Susan said too fervent to think clearly.

"Susan I have never seen you so...feisty," Remus said laughing at Susan, who sat on her knees and was holding onto the back of the couch for support.

"I know, but I'm sure there have been people in your life that just drive you mad," Susan said looking at Remus, who nodded slowly and gazed at Susan with a mischievous glint in his eye.

But Remus quickly looked away from Susan and set is cup on the wooden table in front of him.

"Are you tired?" He asked Susan who covered her mouth as she yawned.

Nodding her head she answer, "yes. All of this talk, it's drained me."

"Alright, let me get you situated," Remus said sitting up and taking both his and Susan's cups to the kitchen.

"Are you sure you're alright with sleeping on the couch?" He asked Susan, who was admiring the books on his selves.

"Of course," she said running her fingertips along the bindings.

"How many pillows do you like?" He asked, walking into his bedroom.

"One is fine, or two. I really doesn't matter Remus," she said standing by the door, waiting for him.

"How about two?" He asked walking out of his room with two pillows and a large, down comforter.

"Two is perfect," Susan said grabbing the pillows from him and placing them at the head of the couch.

"Great," he said laying the blanket atop the couch and fluffing the pillows for Susan.

"Do you need something to sleep in?" Remus asked, noticing Susan was wearing jeans and blouse.

Looking uncertain, Susan slowly nodded. "If you don't mind."

"Of course not," he said walking back into his room, grabbing a large shirt.

"Here," he said placing the garment in her hand, "also if you would like to take a shower there are fresh towels in the bathroom cupboard.

Susan bit her lip, looking at Remus's shirt in her hands. "Thank you," she said breathlessly.

"You can use the restroom first," Remus said motioning the the small room by the entrance, "I don't mind waiting."

"Okay," she said holding the shirt close to her chest and walking into the bathroom.

----------

It was hard for Susan to believe that she was standing naked in her professor's bathroom. She turned the warm water on in the shower and stepped into the heated mist. The scent of Remus engulfed her and she felt unusually amorous. Unable to think clearly, Susan quickly washed her hair and body, then leaned lazily against the shower wall. The hot water beat and burned her skin, but it felt somewhat refreshing to her. Not wanting to take too much time, Susan brought herself to turn off the water and dry herself off with one of Remus's towels. Becoming self conscious, Susan put on her bra, then the large white t-shirt that fit her like a dress. She then folded her jeans and her purple blouse and looked at herself in the mirror. Her dark hair curled with the dampness of the water and slightly dripped onto Remus's shirt. Making it translucent in some places. Susan grabbed her clothes and desperately pulled down the white shirt, before exiting the bathroom.

Susan scanned the room, but did not see Remus. So, she placed her clothes on the coffee table in front of the couch and looked further for Remus.

"Remus?" Susan called out lightly, but he did not answer.

A soft light filtrated through the crack of Remus's bedroom door and Susan presumed he was already in bed.

"Remus?" Susan asked again and knocked lightly on his bedroom door.

"Oh, come in," Remus called and Susan walked into his room slowly. He sat on his bed already in his pajamas reading a book.

"I just wanted to say goodnight," she said softly as she walked over towards Remus.

"Goodnight Susan," he said looking at her laudably.

"Goodnight and thank you for letting me stay here. Sir Cadogan is an incompetent prick," she said lightly as she scanned his bedroom. His bed was adorned with a deep red comforter and white sheets that looked extremely inviting to Susan, but she mentally slapped herself for thinking that.

"You're welcome, Susan," he said kindly as his eyes quickly trailed along her body.

"Also," she said not noticing his glance, "I wanted to thank you for everything that happened on Halloween."

Remus closed his book and sat on the edge of his bed. "Susan, you don't have to thank me."

"But it really meant a lot to me," she said stepping closer to him.

"You're a good girl," he said affirming her behaviors.

"You're a good guy," she said hoping she was brave enough to kiss him.

"Susan if you ever need me I'm here," he said and then she hugged him. It was inevitable. It always was. Truthfully she wanted a lot more than hugging, but she knew that was about as close as she could get to him without out any lines being crossed. He hugged her back and softly rubbed her back, instantly she wished she would not have worn her bra, because he abruptly stopped once he felt it was there. Pulling away slowly, Susan looked at the floor avoiding his eyes. The tension she felt was too much, she could not control herself.

"Susan what's wrong," Remus asked her, lightly touching her arm.

"Nothing I'm just tired is all," she lied.

"You can trust me," he said, still touching her arm gently.

"Did you know Sirius Black at school?" She asked, her thoughts contorted.

Taken aback, Remus looked at Susan strangely, "yes, why?"

"I don't know the whole thing with him on the loose has been bothering me lately," she barely whispered.

"Susan, don't worry. You're safe here," he said, then hugged her again. She eagerly rested her head on his shoulder and nuzzled his neck. Letting out a soft sigh Remus gently let go of Susan.  "Goodnight," he said quickly kissing the top of her head and walking her to his bedroom door.

* * *

Bewildered. Yes that was the word that described Susan's thoughts and feelings. Remus kissed the top of her head, Remus let her stay the night on his couch, Remus touched her, Remus hugged her, Remus cared about her, but Remus knew Sirius Black. How well did he know him? Was this his secret? Just knowing that Remus was laying in a bed merely thirty feet away from her drove Susan crazy. She wanted to lay with him and hold him, but of course she could not. Her thoughts were scrammbled and lustful, yet fearful. Why was Remus always sick? Everything was pent up in her mind, driving her crazy. But all she could really think about was Remus's kiss.

* * *

**Hmmm...did you like it? I am a bit apprehensive of this chapter, but I needed to use something as a filler. Please review, because I would like to know what you thought about this chapter. As I was writing it I kind of made Remus seem extremely creepy, so hopefully I toned that down a bit, because that's not what I'm going for in this series. But I did introduce the relationship between Remus and Sirius and Tonks and Susan. It's just a little plot builder plus I portrayed Susan sleazy thoughts for Remus ;) Sorry the update took so long I have been watching the Olympics like crazy and my family is in town, so I've been busy. Thank you for allllllllll of your fabulous reviews they really mean a lot and I will try and update again super soon!! ****Also, please feel free to give your input on what should happen next with Susan and Remus, because I don't know exactly what I want to do yet...**

**love, teawithme**


	8. The Sadistic Truth

Note: Please read my message at the end of the chapter...it's very important. Thank you and enjoy the chapter!

Sadistic Truths

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_"Susan, my haven't you grown up," a voice called out grimly from the shadow. Susan slowly stepped backward, but her back hit a hard brick wall. The street was desolate and there was only one soft street lamp light. _

_"Oh, please don't be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you not like I did you're father. But I do want something else," the husky voice said, taking a step closer _

_A body appeared from the darkness and Susan began to shake as old memories flooded through her mind. Memories of the night her father was bitten, memories Susan vowed she would forget. Silent tears of panic streamed down her face as she groped for her wand, but it was not there. _

_"Just one touch," he satanic man said, reaching out to touch her pure body. _

_"No!" Susan screamed attempting to slap away his rough calloused, but the man ignored her pleas. He was over powering. Savage scars adorned his face and a layer of hair cover most his body. He had rotting teeth and piercing beady eyes that stared lustfully at Susan. _

_"This is payback for your father."_

_----------_

Susan woke up hysterically in a cold sweat. Tears streamed down her face, her hair plastered to her skin and her hands were shaking. It had been years since she had last had a nightmare like that. It was a sort of reoccurring dream that she had consistently as a child, but over time she willed herself to forget it. But as she laid on the couch in Remus's quarters sobbing, everything came back to her.

"Susan? Susan? What's wrong?" Remus asked as he hurriedly rushed out of his bedroom.

But Susan shook her head, pushed his hand away from him and continued to cry. But he did not comply, instead he sat down next to her and calmingly rubbed her back. Susan meekly glanced at Remus, who sat half asleep, and collapsed into his arms. He held her and stroked her damp hair and gently rocked her like he had done before.

"Are you alright?" He asked concerned, he still did not know what was wrong with her, but she only held him tighter, trying to suppress her sobs.

"I-I-I had a nightmare," Susan said sniffling in-between sobs.

"I"m sorry," Remus said tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. He held her for awhile, until she calmed and her sobs had stopped.

"I need to talk to my mom," she said looking frantically at Remus.

He looked at her softly, "Sweat heart, she's not here," he said stroking her hair.

Susan closed her eyes tightly and nuzzled his neck.

"Come on," Remus said placing Susan beside him on the couch, then getting up.

"You can come lay with him," he said to Susan, his voice and motions were still half asleep.

Surprised by his offer Susan slightly smiled and grabbed his hand, following him into his bedroom. She quickly ran to the bed, the soft pads of her feet freezing on the cold, stone floor, and jumped willingly onto the soft, white sheets. Dressed in only Remus's shirt and her own knickers she tried to pull the hem of the shirt down to her knees, but it only went down to her mid-thigh. Remus joined her in bed, still half asleep, and pulled the blanket over both of their bodies.

"Goodnight, Susan," he said as he pressed his head back into his pillow and shut his eyes.

She rolled sheepishly to her side, still trying to cover her legs, and watched him sleep.

"Goodnight," she whispered rolling onto her back and falling into a dreamless sleep.

----------

Susan awoke slowly, as soft sunlight flooded Remus's room through the sheer, white curtains that attempted to barricade the day. She sleepily twisted under the covers, then sat up only to find that she was alone. Befuddled Susan got out of bed to look for Remus.

She walked out of his room and saw Remus laying on the couch, reading the Daily Profit. Her blouse and jeans were still neatly folded on top of the coffee table, along with her bra, which she took off before she fell asleep. Susan walked closer to Remus with a disappointed expression. She had wanted him to stay in his bed, she would have rather slept on the couch.

"Hey," Susan said quietly as she approached Remus, who was noisily folding the newspaper.

He turned and smiled at her, "Good morning."

"Good morning," she said, sitting down next to him on the couch. She sat uncomfortably still, with her arms and legs tightly crossed.

Remus looked at her suspiciously, as he sipped a cup of coffee.

"What's wrong?" He asked, noticing she was unhappy about something.

She turned her head to face him and pursed her lips.

"You know I could have stayed on the couch. I would have been fine," she said looking at him stubbornly, with messy hair and a languid face.

Remus sighed and set the paper on the coffee table.

"Susan, you were sobbing. I didn't know what was wrong with you," he said seriously, trying to justify his rightful actions to her.

Susan sighed, exasperated, "Then why didn't you leave me out here? You could have stayed in your bed," she asked looking him in the eye.

"Because you were hysterical, of course I wasn't going to leave you alone," he said defensively, he seemed taken aback by her reaction.

"Well, you ended up leaving me alone anyway! Why didn't you just stay in your bed?"

"Because you were in it!" He said loudly. It was strange, the only time Remus had been frustrated with Susan was when she was complaining about being young, and now he was vexed again.

"I would have left had I known it was because of me," Susan said pointedly, her words becoming more aggressive.

Remus paused and blinked at her, attempting to calm himself, "It was two in the morning. Neither of us were very coherent. You wouldn't have left, Susan, you were sleeping," he said, trying to conceal his aggression.

"My point exactly Remus! You could have stayed, I was just sleeping," she said boldly. Her messy hair fell in sheets in front of her face and she squatted her curls away with her hand.

Remus clenched his fists in frustration, "Susan it was inappropriate!"

"Oh, so this is what it's about?" She asked, her eyes becoming ardent with rage.

"Yes, you are my student Susan and you should not have been in the same bed with me," he said simply.

"It's not like I was trying to seduce you!" She said jumping to her feet, feeling the need to defend herself against Remus's words.

The irony was too much to handle. Here Susan stood in front of her professor in his own shirt with no bra or pants. Three fourths of her legs were exposed and the white material of the shirt was partially translucent. And their topic of conversation was sex.

"Bloody hell Susan, please don't even start this?" Remus said holding his head in his hands.

She stared at him blankly, "Start what? Remus, I don't want sex from you. I respect you as my professor and you're a friend. You don't have to be so god damn uncertain, I'm seventeen meaning I am legal!" She said angrily to Remus who shook his head at Susan.

"Well, that's just great to know, Susan. My student doesn't want to have sex with me," Remus said sarcastically.

"What do you want me to say? Shag me?" Susan asked, confused.

"No! No I do not because you are a seventeen year old girl and I am a thirty five year old man. You shouldn't even be here right now and we should not even be having this conversation, because it is wrong and you're not making this easier for either of us," Remus said throwing his hands up in the air.

"Fine so this is all my fault, then. I'm leaving," Susan said grabbing her clothes from the coffee table and stomping into the bathroom. She quickly changed, then folded Remus's shirt neatly.

"Here," she said walking out of the bathroom and towards Remus.

"Thank you for letting me wear this and stay here," she said placing the shirt on the table, avoiding eye contact with him.

Remus, who was staring at his hands, looked at Susan emotionlessly, then nodded, "Your welcome, Susan."

She looked at him sadly, then turned to walk out the door, "You know, I didn't mean for this to happen."

Remus held his breath, then exhaled slowly, "I know," he said getting up from the couch.

Susan turned to look at him; his amber eyes had softened and his face was not so tense.

"I think we can agree that we both over reacted," Remus said evenly.

Susan agreed with his statement and relaxed as some of the tension dissipated.

"I understand what you were saying Remus, but I just want you to know that I don't want you like that," Susan said, her eyes searching his face for a response.

He smiled gently.

"Well, that is a good thing to know," Remus said satisfied.

She nodded quickly and touched her burning cheeks with the back of her hand.

"I really should go now," Susan said embarrassed by their whole altercation.

* * *

"Susi, my love, you look grim," Lisa said observing her best friend, as she walked into the Gryffindor Common room.

"Do I?" Susan asked, she sat on the floor by the fireplace surrounded by books. She was beginning to studying for the N.E.W.T.S.

Lisa nodded and walked over to Susan, "Kind of," she said sitting down in front of a large leather bound book with no title.

"What's this one for?" Lisa asked, holding up the leather book she was examining.

Narrowing her eyes Susan made an uncertain expression, "um Charms maybe?"

"Hm," Lisa said setting it aside, then stared at Susan.

Susan looked up at Lisa.

"Why are you staring at me?" She asked annoyed.

Lisa bit her lip and tried to conceal her smile, but her lips twitched.

"Lisa what happened?" Susan asked curiously.

Smiling brightly, Lisa moved closer to Susan, "He told me he loved me!"

"What?" Susan asked excitedly, forgetting all about her issue with Remus.

"Yes! I know, it's quite amazing. I'm officially in love," Lisa said leaning on Susan, who embraced her in a large hug.

"I'm so happy for you," Susan said squeezing Lisa.

"It's wonderful, he's wonderful," Lisa said gayly.

"So, when did this happen?" Susan asked raising an eyebrow, trying to pry for more information.

"Just now, after breakfast we went for a walk and he just blurted it out," Lisa said genuinely happy. Her face shined with pure bliss and her eyes twinkled jovially.

"But enough about me," Lisa said still beaming at Susan, "How are things with you and you know who?" She asked, playfully winking at Susan.

Sighing, Susan told Lisa the whole story of the days prior events.

Lisa gaped at Susan, "What?"

"I know, it's quite dramatic," she said nervously looking around the room.

"Damn Susan, I'm sorry, but you know he'll come around," Lisa said optimistically.

"Hopefully," Susan said apathetically flipping through book pages.

"Trust me Susi, once he sees you naked you'll be golden," Lisa said seriously to Susan, who stared comically at Lisa.

"It's true."

* * *

Susan never liked going to the Owlery, but she did fancy her owl. Romulus, a handsome Lapland owl, was given to her by her father on her eleventh birthday. As a child she was enthralled in the stories of Roman Mythology and dabbled in their meanings. So, coldheartedly she named her owl Romulus, because he was the one that killed Remus. She associated Remus with weakness and Romulus with power and she always compared her father to Remus. So, spite him of her father he was named Romulus. She tried desperately to change Romulus's name in her fifth year, but he was stubborn just like her and took pride in being powerful.

She ascended the steps to the Owlery with a letter in hand. The penmanship was less than adequate and some of the ink was smudged. But the message was urgent.

Susan scanned the room for Romulus and smiled once she saw his thick, muscular figure perched in a warm crevice.

"Romulus," Susan said happily to her owl, who stood proudly with his feathers puffed.

He hooted in response and politely lifted his leg for Susan.

"Why thank you, sir," she said to the owl, then quickly reread her letter.

_Dear Mum,_

_How are you? I know I haven't written you in awhile and I apologize. I have been unusually busy with my N.E.W.T.S. and am studying for them zealously. But something else has happened lately that is particularly strange. Yesterday I had a nightmare, the one I used to have when I was little, but it's the first time I've had it since dad died. What do you think I should do? It's frightening really. Has there been any report on Greyback? I hope you're doing well and please send me an update._

_love,_

_your daughter Susan_

She quickly sealed the letter and tied it to Romulus's leg. The handsome owl hooted deeply at Susan and she feed him a small treat.

"Send this to mum," she ordered the owl and gave it a kiss, before it set out across the glowing horizon.

----------

"Miss Thoits, what do you think you're doing down here at this hour?" Professor Snape sneered at Susan, who was walking back from the Owlery and past the greenhouse.

Snape himself was scavenging through some of Professor Sprouts herbs.

She looked at him skeptically, "I was just at the Owlery and am heading back to the castle," she said nonchalantly.

Snape glared at her, "Do not look at me like that, Miss Thoits, or should I call you Susan?" He asked mockingly.

"Well, Severus I don't know. Which ever you prefer I guess," she said looking at leaves he had in his hand.

"What are you doing with wolfsbane?" She asked quickly.

Looking at the leaves in his hands he grimaced at Susan, "What do you think I'm doing?"

She raised an eyebrow, "Making Wolfsbane potion?" She asked uncertainly.

Snape nodded slowly.

"But, why?" She asked, intrigued.

"You mean you don't know?" Professor Snape asked Susan with a sardonic laugh.

Susan pursed her lips and shook her head, "Know what?"

"I guess I thought surely Lupin would tell you. I mean you are a werewolf lover. He would have nothing to worry about," Snape muttered as he cut more leaves from the Wolfsbane plant.

"Excuse me?" Susan asked Snape, shocked, bewildered.

Snape turned and stared at Susan, nodding simply.

"Come on, you're supposed to be the brightest witch in your year, Miss Thoits. Connect the dots," he said harshly, dropping the leaves in a glass bottle.

It all made sense now; the portrait, the sickness, the book, his attitude, his understanding, his appearance.

But why didn't he tell her? He knew she would not care. She trusted him. She loved him.

Remus had knowingly lied and Susan had blindly followed.

Then, why did Snape hold the sadistic truth?

Susan was incensed.

_

* * *

Oh, Shit. She knows...how is she going to react? I have a feeling Remus is in some deep water and he doesn't have a lifejacket. Gahh I'm excited for the next chapter!!!!_

_Yayyyyy another chapter! Damn I'm your guys' bitch, you see I told myself I wasn't going to update for about a week. That didn't happen now did it? So, did you like it, hate it, love it? Like usual I would love to hear your wonderful thoughts! Today is the story's one month anniversary too. ¡Que Bueno!_

_Also, I've been reading the reviews you have been leaving me and 'Kristina' god bless your wonderful soul you left me the funniest/best review ever (and no I don't think you're perverted). Should I make Susan and Remus do it? I would like to know if that's what you want to read...personally I think they should wait a long while, because I don't think Susan can handle it yet, they haven't even kissed yet, and some other things need to be handled with first. But I'd like to know what you think. Just drop a little review saying "yo they should fuck" or if your a little more proper "no they should not make love you perv..." I'm just curious :)_

**I need more feeback too: I need to know if I should make this story 'Mature' instead of 'Teen' because I don't want to get kicked off of the site. So please tell me what you think. Are my themes a little too mature for ten year olds? (probably yes...)**

_Thanks for all your support and keep on keepin' on!_

_love, teawithme_

_p.s. it's gonna take a little longer for me to update again, unless I get oodles of reviews, but don't worry I won't forget you guys!_


	9. Confrontations

Confrontations

----------

Susan did not cry over nor did she speak to her professor for a week. In fact Susan faked sick. She did not go to class, preform her Head Girl duties, go to the Quidditch game or leave her dormitory for seven full days. She was complacent with secluding herself and she did not care if she missed her classes. Lisa, who had graciously volunteered to collect her work for her, was skeptical though.

"Susan, you're not sick," Lisa said to Susan, who laid in her bed, after the fourth day of her solitude.

Rolling her eyes, she took the books Lisa held in her hand, "Yes I am."

Lisa looked at Susan's normal appearance.

"Oh, and what do you have?" Lisa asked Susan daringly.

"A viral infection," Susan said blatantly rehearsed.

"Hmm, clever Susi," Lisa dryly to Susan who laid comfortably on her bed.

"I don't appreciate you mocking my illness," Susan said seriously, setting her books on her side table.

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Have you seen Madam Pomfrey?" Lisa asked.

"Yes," Susan lied.

"Well, maybe you should go see her again, because you're not sick," Lisa said sternly.

"Yes, mother," Susan said sardonically, then pulled the covers over her head.

Susan heard Lisa sigh and walk out of her room. Yes, Susan was faking sick, but she did no want to deal with Remus. She did not want to feel vulnerable or sad, though her lazy habits were making her glum. Only three more days had to pass, then she would speak with Remus, but no sooner. Instead she would relax in her bed and study for her N.E.W.T.S.

* * *

The big day had arrived. Susan had successfully avoided Remus for a whole week. Yes, in order to accomplish that she had to put her whole life at a stand still, but it was worth. She had time to think about and plan her reaction. No emotions would be shed over his snide negligence. Susan only wanted to tell him how she felt about his rash decision, his decision to conceal his Lycanthropy to her. It was not that she did not want to have anything to do with him, she just wanted to let him know how she felt. She loved him and wanted to be with him, but she was stubborn and mad.

----------

"Susan," Remus said happily greeting Susan into his office. It was Saturday morning, there were of course no classes and Remus usually liked to spend his morning grading essays over a cup of hot coffee.

"How are you? You've been sick?" He asked Susan in the most caring, concerned voice, which made it hard for her to act apathetic.

"Yes," she said coldly, as she stepped into his office, shutting the door behind her.

He smiled meekly at her.

"Well, I am glad you're feeling better," he said motioning for her to sit in the chair in front of his desk.

"You look better," he said as she sat in front of him, but she merely nodded.

"You don't look well," Susan said observing Remus's tired appearance.

He shrugged casually. "Yes, I don't feel well. Perhaps I am getting sick again," he said, knowing it was getting closer to the full moon.

Susan stared at Remus, this was her moment to say something, to call him out on his mistake. She did not want to be too harsh, but she did not what else she could do.

"Don't lie to me Remus," Susan said fiercely, he blank stare turning into a glare.

Looking at her strangely, he raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

"Remus," Susan said slowly, trying to keep her composure, but it was much more difficult than she thought it would be.

"Remus," she repeated and clenched her fists on top of the table.

"I know your secret," she said trying to keep her unfounded tears at bay.

Instantly his face fell and he looked away from Susan. He covered his face shamefully with his hands, anticipating her further reaction.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Susan demanded, her voice stronger than she expected. Unable to control herself tears leaked from her eyes and trailed down her cheeks.

They sat in silence. Warm tears streamed down Susan's face, as Remus attempted to hide himself from the shame, the confrontation.

"Susan-" Remus pleaded, his face still covered by his hands.

But she interrupted him, "No! Remus why didn't you tell me? You know I wouldn't have cared," Susan shouted, her tone not exactly what she had in mind, her womanly emotions took over.

He looked at her sadly and his toffee colored hair fell unruly in his face.

"You have every right to be angry," he said earnestly, "but I couldn't tell you."

Tears continued to fall from her eyes, but she did not feel sad, just conflicted, disappointed, even frustrated.

"But I trusted you!" She said loudly, almost shouting, as she stared at him loathsomely.

Remus flinched at her remark, but showed no emotion.

"I know," he said evenly.

"Then why didn't you tell me?" She asked pleadingly, searching for an answer.

But he ignored her badgering questions, and looked at his hands that tightly clenched his coffee mug and took a deep breath.

"It was a selfish decision, but I didn't tell you because I couldn't risk my secret being shared with everyone," he said plainly, and she could tell it pained him. But as much as it hurt him it hurt her tenfold.

"Your pathetic," she said out of pure rage, her words laced with a caustic bite.

But Remus said nothing and continued to sit in his chair taking her abuse passively.

"You think I would have gone around telling people you're a werewolf? Remus, I told you everything about my father and how I felt, which is something I've never told anyone else," she cried, showing her true vulnerability.

Susan was not mad at Remus because he was a werewolf. She was mad at him because he had lied to her, because he made her believe he was something he wasn't. Even though she did not care what he truly was she felt like she did not even know who he was.

"Susan, I'm sorry. I am really really sorry. I know you probably don't want to hear that now, but it's the best I've got," he said sincerely his eyes pleading with hers.

But his stare was painful. She could not look at him.

"When would you have told me?" She asked urgently.

Remus sighed and shrugged his shoulder, "Susan, I don't know."

"Would you have waited for me to figure it out?" She asked, certain to find an answer.

"Probably, but Susan I can't be sure," he said becoming frustrated with her questions.

"So, even if something had happened between us, and please don't you dare tell me there's nothing there, you wouldn't have told me?" She asked, continuing to press her ardent questions, implying that she felt something for him and hoping he would answer.

Remus did not respond.

"So, you would have taken advantage of my naivety and ignorance towards your lies?" Susan asked outraged.

"No, Susan you know I would never do that!" Remus said rounded on her aggressively, his fists clenched and his breath turning ragged.

"So, when would you have told me?" Susan cried angrily. "Once you kissed me? Or touched me? When? Tell me!" Susan pleaded and Remus slammed his fist against the table, outraged.

"How dare you accuse me of that!" He bellowed at her. "I would never hurt you, I was trying to protect you!"

Susan continued, she was not phased by his release of emotions.

"Protect me? From what, Remus? My father was a werewolf," she said with a catty tone.

"Susan, pick you're battles. I didn't mean to hurt you and I've admitted I was wrong. What else can I do? I am sorry," he said trying to calm her down.

"Remus you can't do anything! Nothing. It's already been done," Susan said, her voice calming slightly as she stopped talking.

Remus stood and straightened his tie, "Susan you should probably go."

She gaped at him, "but-"

"But what?" Remus asked with a hard, hurt voice.

She looked at him, his face was hard with bitter emotion, and she softened. Her tears stopped and her lip quivered. "Remus, you have to understand that I trusted you. When I found out that you were a werewolf I didn't know why you wouldn't tell me."

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but paused and sat down in his chair again. He looked at Susan with a sad expression, trying to console her in some way, because he did feeling for her.

"Susan," he said cautiously.

She looked at him, eager to hear what he had to say.

"I care about you. I care about you more than I probably should, and I can't deny it," he said slowly, looking at her intently. "Though, what I did was wrong I can't take it back. I did not mean to hurt you and I am hope you can forgive me."

Susan subconsciously nodded her head in response. She did know Remus. He was the kind, compassionate, earnest man she had fallen in love with. But he was also her professor.

"I forgive you," she spoke softly and stood up from her chair. Slowly she walked over to Remus and he stood wearily in front of her. A blush crept across Susan's face and her body became heated.

Looking down at the floor she smiled, "I care about you too."

Remus took a step forward and softly grabbed Susan face. A warm smiled adorned his face and his eyes shined happily. Susan placed her hands on his shoulders and pulled him closer to her. With their bodies touching Susan closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation she had longed for. Still holding her face in his hands, Remus leaned down and rested his forehead on hers.

It was slow and tamed, but Remus kissed her. Susan had been kissed before, but never with the loving tenderness Remus showed. She eagerly kissed him back, overwhelmed by the feeling in her heart. Moving her hands to the back of his neck she pulled him even closer.

"Remus..." she gasped as her pulled away from her, completely breathless.

Susan looked up at him and smiled at his blush. Raising a hand she lightly touched his face and laid her head on his chest.

Grabbing her by the shoulders, he pulled her away form him. "I'm sorry," he said rampantly.

Standing an arms length away form Remus, Susan shook her head. "What are you sorry for?"

"I assaulted you," he said, his face turning even more pale than it already was.

Susan sighed and took a step closer to him.

"Remus I can assure you that that was not assault," she said confidently. "I wanted it."

He held her face again and looked into her eyes searching for something that was wrong, but he could not find anything. She was happy with Remus. She wanted him and he wanted her.

"I guess I just don't understand why you want to be with a man like me," he said moving his hands down to her waist, pulling her closer.

She smiled, "You don't choose who you fall in love with, Remus."

Instantly, his lips were on hers again. Susan kissed him back, but quickly pulled away.

"I missed you," she said grabbing one of his hands and kissing it.

A jovial smile spread across Remus's face and he enveloped her in his arms. She clutched onto him savoring the wonderful moment. Kissing her head he let her go.

"I missed you too," he muttered into her ear. "Please no more absences due to fake sickness."

"I promise," she said blushing fervently.

Glancing quickly at the clock, she noticed it was nearing noon.

"I have to go," she said remorsefully. "The owls come in at twelve and I'm expecting a letter."

Remus gave her a sad expression, but smiled at her.

"Alright, well come visit me later if you have time," he said, before kissing her cheek.

She smiled at him, "Of course."

-----------

Susan waited impatiently, along with a dozen other students, for the owls to make their routine arrival at the Owlery. The November air was frigid and Susan wrapped her scarf uncomfortably tight around her neck. She looked around at the other students, who stood lazily, whilst she anxiously tapped her foot against the ground. Finally, at twelve past twelve, the large flock of owls swooped into the small, stone tower.

Spotting her large, handsome owl she whistled. Romulus flew obediently towards her and perched himself on a small jutted rock.

"How are you love?" She asked the owl politely, before uniting the red letter that was attached to his leg.

Hooting loudly in response, she patted his head.

"Good," she said, but quickly diverted her attention to the letter in her hands.

_Susan,_

_Thank god you wrote me. I have some wonderful news for you. I've met someone. His name is Jack Lanyon, just writing his name makes me swoon. Sweetheart you'll love him! I loved hearing from you dear. Don't worry about your nightmares or Fenrir, they'll go away. Trust me, they're not a problem anymore. Keep up your studies and I look forward to seeing you over Christmas._

_Love, _

_Your mother_

_P.s. Please write back_

Something was wrong. Susan was someone with a sense of good character. She never fretted over things or was afraid of something, unless she felt it was worthy of her distress. But her mother was her opposite. Her mother let her emotions run her life, control her actions. The day Susan heard her mother say that both her nightmares and Fenrir would go away was the day she knew her mother had cracked.

Who was Jack Lanyon? The name did not sound familiar, but surely he had given her mother some kind of reassurance. Reassurance that they're past issues would be taken care of. He had to of, because Elise Thoits, Susan's mother, was the epitome of an emotional wreck. Susan had seen this coming, her mother was weak, but she had hoped it would not have happened so soon. After her husband's death, Elise Thoits could not let go of her husband, but now she had suddenly jumped into a relationship and everything was laissez faire. Their problems were appeased and Susan was safe.

Shaking her head Susan covered her face in her hands. Their problems had only just begun.

* * *

Yup, you might be confused, but don't worry. It will all tie together eventually. I'm just building the plot up a bit. So, they kissed. Exciting, eh? Well, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and like usual I would loooove to know what you thought about it.

Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews! They were amazing and I really appreciate them all. I have also come to a consensus on my question about Susan and Remus...they will not be having sex for a long while, usnless I feel like it is neccesary. Yes, this chapter was a little short, but I've been really busy lately and wanted to give you guys an update.

Thank you for reading and I look forward to your thoughts.

Love, teawithme!

p.s. feel free to give me any suggestions :)


	10. Ambivalence

Ambivalence

----------

_Dear Mum,_

_To be completely honest mother, I was perplexed by your letter. Everything is alright? Well, that seems absolutely contrary to what you said just three months ago, when I left for Hogwarts. Where did you meet Jack and what makes him so endearing? I love you mom, but I'm worried for you. Please write back because I would like an explanation. Until then, I will try and keep up on my studies and do not do anything irrational...like marriage. _

_Love,_

_Your Worried Daughter Susan_

Folding the piece of parchment, Susan slipped the letter into a cream colored envelope and sealed it with sticking spell. Susan was ambivalent. She could not tell if she was happy about her and Remus, or worried about her mother and Jack. But she would have to set aside her emotions as best she could until after the N.E.W.T.S.

"Now, Romulus. You know what to do love," Susan said kindly to her owl, whilst attaching the letter to his leg.

The bird cooed and flapped it's wings in response.

"Good. Come back as soon as possible," Susan shouted after Romulus, as he flew off into the setting sun.

* * *

It was Monday afternoon and Susan had double Defense Against the Dark Arts class. She stood anxiously outside of the classroom door, as her fellow students filed happily into the class room. Susan had not seen Remus since their kiss on Saturday and she felt guilty about it, but she had been preoccupied. Clicking the heel of her black, saddle shoes against the hard, stone floor she felt a strong hand grab her shoulder.

"Please, Miss Thoits, stop your clicking," Professor McGonagall demanded from Susan, whilst giving her a suspicious look.

Susan suddenly froze and nodded her head in compliance.

"Yes, of course professor," Susan said respectfully, smiling at her.

McGonagall raised an eyebrow, and pulled an envelope out of her pocket.

"Take this," she said handing the red and gold letter to Susan.

"It's important," she said and hastily turned to walk down the corridor opposite to Remus's room.

Susan stared after her, but reverted her attention to the envelope she was handed. It's appearance was elegant and it was small. Carefully, Susan opened the gold, wax seal and pulled out the white piece of parchment inside of it.

"_Miss Thoits,_"the letter read.

"_I am quite honored to be writing this letter to you. You are such a responsible, reliable, and respect young lady and I know that you will be perfect for this job. This job, which surly you may be wondering about, is an utmost secret and I cannot speak of it with you until I see you in person. So, please meet me in my office on Wednesday night, to discuss this special job I have for you. Keep up your studies!"_

_Sincerely,_

_Professor Dumbledore_

Sighing deeply, Susan folded the letter and placed it carefully into the envelope. She tucked the envelope securely into her satchel and walked into Remus's class room. Her mind was swimming in thoughts of her, her mother, Remus, Jack and now this 'job' she was to be offered. Not to mention her studies, Lisa, and her Head Girl duties.

Nervously, Susan looked at to the head of the dark class room and saw Remus sitting at his desk looking through some papers. Muttering a curse word, Susan searched frantically for a seat at the back of the room, but they were all full.

"Lisa!" Susan exclaimed and Lisa turned to look at her friend.

"Hello, love. Sorry I couldn't save you a spot this kid took it," Lisa said pointing to a Ravenclaw boy, who grimaced at Susan.

"Could you please move?" Susan asked the boy, who not only took her usual spot, but was being rude to Susan.

"No," the boy said plainly.

Susan furrowed her eyebrow and made a frustrated squeak.

"But this is my spot," she said with emphasis.

The boy merely looked at her, "Well, clearly it is mine now."

Stomping her foot Susan became angry, "Just move you lousy git!"

The boy shrugged his shoulder and opened up his book, reading a section on Dementors.

"Merlin's beard! If you don't move, then I'm going to-"

"What? What will you do?" The boy inquired, his tone lofty.

Susan stared at him loathsomely and pulled out her wand.

"This is what I'll do," she said raising her wand, but Lisa cut in.

"Susan no!" Lisa yelled and quickly grabbed the wand out of Susan's hand.

Susan sighed and snatched her wand back.

People started to stare and Susan nervously looked around.

"I wasn't going to do anything," she muttered under her breath.

"Excuse me, but is there a problem over here?" Professor Lupin asked, inquiring the quarreling trio in the corner.

"No, everything is quite alright," Susan said grimly and walked to an empty seat in the front of the room.

Lisa and Remus looked at each other, then at Susan.

"I'm worried about her," Lisa commented.

Remus looked at Lisa and nodded in compliance.

"Well, I will be starting class now," he said and walked briskly to his desk.

----------

"Miss Thoits could I please speak to you for a moment?" Remus asked Susan as she stood to leave. Class was over and she had been rather non-responsive throughout the class.

Looking at Remus she nodded slowly.

"Sure," she said picking up her books and walking to his desk.

Looking concerned her took her hand, "Susan what's the matter?"

Shrugging her shoulder, she answered, "I've been really stressed lately."

"I'm sorry," Remus said gripping her hand tighter.

"It's alright," she said sheepishly as she blushed.

Susan looked around the room quickly and pulled her hand away form Remus.

"There are people around," she muttered and gestured to a group of boys in the back of the room.

Remus smiled.

"I'm sorry, I just was hoping you were okay," he said sweetly.

Susan looked at him with admirably, her face was soft with emotion.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"Why don't you come see me tonight. We can talk then," he offered, as she moved to pick some papers off of his desk.

Susan smiled and helped him, "That would be amazing."

"Good. We can drink some peppermint tea then," he said lightly.

Susan sighed happily, "Yes, I think that's what I need."

"So, see you at nine?" Remus asked.

"Yes, at nine," Susan affirmed and walked out of the Remus's classroom, a little happier.

----------

"You seem nervous," Remus commented, as he and Susan sat on his couch, her cup of warm peppermint tea in hand.

It was Monday evening, and Susan had not come back to see Remus on Saturday after their kiss.

She looked at him sheepishly and nodded her head.

"Is it because of me?" He asked worriedly, he too seemed nervous.

Susan sighed and put her head on his shoulder.

"Remus," she said nuzzling his neck, "you're the least of my problems."

Smiling to himself he wrapped his arm around Susan's waist and pulled her closer to him. He had become worried Saturday night, when Susan did not come back to see him.

"What's bothering?" He asked her, his voice soft, as he caressed the soft skin on her waist that we exposed

Lifting her head she pulled away from Remus and sat up. She nervously bit her lip and grabbed hold of Remus's lingering hand.

"Well," she said looking down at her small hand that was engulfed in his large hand. "I got a letter from my mother."

Remus raised an eyebrow, encouraging her to continue.

"And I'm worried," she whispered softly.

"What did she say?" Remus inquired, tilting her chin up with his hand.

"That everything is fine and that she had met a new man, who's name is Jack," Susan said shortly.

Remus smiled. "Well that doesn't sound like something to worry about."

Susan let go of his hand and nervously fidgeted with the hem of her shirt.

"Let me explain," she said looking at Remus warningly.

"I sent my mother a letter about the nightmare I had. You know the I had when I was here? And I asked her about it and if she knew anything about this one person," Susan said, vaguely.

"Who?" Remus asked, confused.

"Oh, um the man who bit my father."

Remus pursed his lips. "You had a nightmare about Greyback?"

"Yes, I've had many," she admitted.

"Really?" Remus asked concerned.

"Really. Ever since I was nine I've had nightmare's about him," Susan said solemnly.

"What are they like?" Remus inquired, greatly interested.

Susan looked at him apprehensively.

"I can trust you, right?" She asked, her voice more serious than he had ever heard it.

"Susan, yes you can trust me," he said earnestly.

"Alright," she said pausing, "Well, I don't think I ever told you the full story of what happened the night my father was bitten."

Remus said nothing and looked at her intently.

"The party was outside, it was in the summer and it was beautiful out. The people who's house we were at had an unbelievable garden and their yard was lined with tall pine trees. They had a various patios, though the party was concentrated on the main deck near the house. But my father and I, we were taking a walk along the forest edge. We were on an adventure. It happened quickly, you know one minute we were walking and the next my father was being attacked. Being far away from the party it took awhile for people to hear my screams and once someone got there it was too late. My father had already been bitten and um..." Susan said pausing again.

She looked at Remus, who was still listening, and continued.

"Well, he was savage and showed truly no mercy to my father, but once he bit him he looked at me. Then he stood and approached me. I tried to run, but he got me too, though he did not bite me. Instead he grabbed me and threatened me. He said 'I won't touch you now, but don't worry. I'll come back for you,' then ran off," Susan said plainly.

Remus touched her arm lightly and Susan blushed at his touch.

"So," Susan continued as Remus caressed her skin.

"When I had the nightmare last week I wrote my mother. She wrote me back yesterday and said that I had nothing to worry about. I laughed, as I read it. My mother is the most sheepish, insecure women I know. She has gotten worse since my father died, she has been extremely vulnerable, always crying and grieving. But now she has met someone new, Jack. It doesn't make sense, how she has suddenly gotten over my father. That's why I'm worried," Susan said, leaning into Remus's touch.

Remus held her for awhile and they sat in a peaceful silence. Nuzzling her face in the crevice of Remus's neck, Susan sighed.

"I'm Sorry I did not come back to visit you on Saturday," Susan said, as she slowly inhaled Remus's relaxing scent.

"It's fine," Remus said, kissing the side of her head.

Susan smiled into his neck and lightly kissed his scared skin. She was hesitant to see his reaction to her kiss, but he seemed to like it. Remus relaxed and loosened his grip on Susan's waist. Lifting her head, Susan looked at Remus and softly kissed his lips. Moving his hands to sides of Susan's face, Remus kissed her back. It was as soft and gently as their first, but Susan felt something different. She ran her hands along his arms and shoulders, as she settled herself onto his lap. She wanted to touch him and feel him, but she was uncertain. She did not want to move too fast. So, she put her hands around his neck and continued to kiss him, becoming more fervent.

"Susan," Remus said, pulling away from her.

"Yes?" She asked, looking at him, softly messaging his neck.

"I think we should...slow down," Remus said looking her in the eyes.

Susan nodded and kissed his check. "I agree," she softly, "but I just really like you."

Remus sighed and pulled her into a hug.

"I guess I just don't know what a beautiful young women, like you, would want anything to do with a mangy old werewolf like me," Remus said lightly, as he looked at Susan, who laid her head on his chest.

"Remus, that's not funny," Susan said seriously.

"It's true though," Remus said, stroking her hair.

Susan rolled her eyes and looked up at Remus. "You know I could go on about why I like you, but I won't," she said plainly, poking his chest, "just accept it."

Remus chortled. "Okay. I think I can do that."

"Good," Susan said and sat up, "I have to go though."

"So soon?" Remus asked, taking hold of her hand.

Susan nodded and squeezed his hand.

"Yes. It's late and I have class tomorrow," she said retracting her hand from his.

"Goodnight, love," Remus said leaning to kiss her cheek.

Smiling she touched his cheek lightly and stood to leave.

* * *

**Hello! Thank you all so much for reading! I know it's been over a week since I've updated...that's a record high I think. But I've been uber busy lately and I had writer's block, yikes!**

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter (again it's just some more plot building) and would greatly and I am greatly appreciate if any of you lovely readers could give me some feedback on where I should go with this story. I have a general idea, but different scenarios are kind of hard to come up with. **

**Again thank you for reading and I look forward to your thoughts!**

**Love, Teawithme**

**P.s. Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews!**

***** and I wonder if anyone can guess what 'job' Dumbledore has for Susan. Guess it right and I'll come up with a little prize for you :)**

**Have a great week!**


	11. The Order and The Party

The Order and The Party

----------

"Susan, welcome," Dumbledore said cheerfully, offering a seat to Susan, as she entered his office.

Susan smiled lightly and sat down on the chair in front of Dumbledore's large, oak desk. The desk was cluttered with trinkets, papers, viles of certain liquids and books, but it was endearing.

Dumbledore stared at Susan, who observed his desk happily, with much interest.

"Miss Thoits, do you know why I asked you here?"

Susan looked at Dumbledore and shrugged.

"No, sir."

Dumbledore nodded and looked at her intently.

"Susan," he said slowly, "I want you to join my team."

Susan raised an eyebrow.

"Team?" She asked confused.

"Well, not 'team' it's actually my 'Order,'" he said with a very serious tone.

Susan looked at him blankly. What was he talking about?

"Occasionally I will recruit students that I think would be assets to the Order," Dumbledore added.

"So, you want me," Susan said pointing to herself, "To join your order?"

Dumbledore nodded with a smile.

"Yes, you are a bright girl and I think your expertise would be beneficial."

"Well, what kind of Order is it?" Susan asked, her expression still blank.

Dumbledore thought for a moment.

"It's more of a precautionary group, incase something were to happen in the Wizardry world," Dumbledore explained.

"What do you mean 'incase something were to happen'?" Susan asked, looking at him strangely.

"You see, when You Know Who was at large thirteen years ago, the Order was their to fight the evils," Dumbledore said.

Susan pursed her lips and looked at Dumbledore closely.

"So, you kind of fight Death Eaters and stuff?" She asked, sounding apprehensive, but a bit intrigued.

"Well, some of us do, but there are many jobs. Personally I think you'd be a great fighter and you could also work as a healer," Dumbledore said, smiling fondly at Susan.

Susan liked the idea of fighting the 'evils,' but it also seemed frightening. Especially since Fenrir Greyback was already looking for her.

"Well, I'm honored, sir," Susan said looking away from Dumbledore and focusing on his Phoenix, who was perched beside hid desk.

The gold, red and orange feathers of the bird, contrasted the dark surroundings of Dumbledore's office. Susan always loved Phoenixes, in fact, the core of her wand was a Phoenix feather.

Dumbledore watch Susan jovially, as she admired the beautiful bird.

"I love Fawks," Susan said, adoringly.

Dumbledore nodded in agreement, but changed the subject.

"So, will you join the Order?" He asked hopefully.

Susan look up, reverting her attention back to Dumbledore and smiled.

"I would love to sir."

Dumbledore clapped his hands together in excitement.

"Wonderful, you will then receive my periodic letters to the Order members. And if you ever have any questions please ask," he said happily to Susan.

"Of course, and I take it you would like me to keep this hushed?" Susan asked, as she stood up form her chair.

"Yes, thank you. But please, hurry back to class. You need to keep your high marks," he said with emphasis and Susan nodded.

"Thank you, sir."

----------

Thursday and Friday passed in a hurried blur. Susan habitually attended all of her classes, but her focus was disturbed. The disruption being her grandiose amout of stress. Stress, which was caused by her large amounts of homework, mother, Head Girl duties and Remus. Though she knew she loved it all, she felt repressed. Repressed by the responsibility she took on. But it was her work, and her work was who she was.

----------

"Lisa, what are you dressed up for?" Susan asked, looking Lisa up and down. She was wearing a short black dress, a pair of gold flats, and her long, blonde hair was pinned back into a loose bun.

Lisa raised an eyebrow at Susan, who had just entered her dorm, "Did I not tell you?" She asked as she put on some eyeliner.

"I guess not," Lisa said, sitting on the edge of Lisa's bed.

"Well, you haven't been around lately, but anyway there is a party tonight in the Room of Requirement," she said capping her eyeliner and grabbing her lipstick.

Susan looked curiously at her friend, "Which house is hosting it?"

"The Ravenclaws," Lisa said, smiling at herself in the mirror as she applied the pink color to her lips.

Susan sighed and watched her friend. Susan wished she had plan for a Friday night, just like the rest of her fellow classmates.

"How do I look?" She asked, placing her right hand on her hip.

"Hot. Cedric will be happy," Susan said smiling.

Lisa smiled at Susan, but it faded.

"Why don't you come? You can go get ready and meet me down there. There will be tons of sixth and sevenths years," Lisa offered, with a hopeful tone.

Susan looked at her feet in deep thought; she did not have anything else to do.

"Alright. But do you think It would be inappropriate since I'm Head Girl?" she asked and jumped off of Lisa's bed.

"No," Lisa said confidently, "You need to have fun!"

Susan smiled at her best friend and envied her care-free attitude.

"I'll go then," she said happily.

"Good!" Lisa exclaimed, putting on a necklace.

"I'll meet you down there," Susan said running out of the dorm.

----------

Susan rarely dressed up nor did she like to, but as she dressed for the occasion she figured 'why not?' Why not embrace her youth and have fun. Fun, something she sparsely had seemed like a good idea at the time. Though it was pretentious to her usual habits she enjoyed it. She wore her long, brown hair down and the flowing waves cascaded down her back. Her particularly curvaceous body with adorned with a purple dress, which contrasted her dark features. Black flats accompanied her feet and she added a smokey lair of makeup over her eye lids. Susan was pleased with her appearance, but only hoped that she was not too made up.

----------

"Susan!" A loud voice called after her, as she walked out of the Gryffindor common room.

Susan looked around for the person, but all she could see was a silhouette in the distance.

"Please do not tell me _you're _going to the party," the obnoxious voice of Percy hollared, as he appeared in front of her.

Susan rolled her eyes at him.

"Yes, I am going Percy. You should go too," she said simply and started to walk down the staircase.

"I cannot go. I am a responsible Head Boy!" He stated loudly, with an annoying emphasis on responsible.

"And I am a responsible Head Girl," Susan said confidently as she continued to walk, "Percy I'm not going to drink or do anything horribly wrong. In fact, I'll keep an eye on the party and preform my true Head Girl duties."

Percy sighed as she followed her down the stairs.

"And I'm going to do mine," he said firmly.

Susan looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? And what would that be?" She asked him.

"I will keep an eye out for students and if I feel the party gets too 'wild' I will tell someone of authority," he said in his 'I'm so mature' voice.

Susan rolled her eyes again.

"Alright Percy, but I can assure you that everything will be just fine," Susan said and walked quickly away from him and towards the party.

----------

"Merlin's beard! Susan, you look sexy!" Lisa shouted when she saw Susan enter the Room of Requirement.

Susan blushed as she looked at the people around her. Surely most of the girls were wearing dresses, but Susan seemed to stand out.

"Lisa," Susan said with modest composure.

"I haven't seen you look this good since...I don't know when!" Lisa said, her voice seeming a little drunk.

Susan eyed her curiously and noticed a table of 'punch' in the near corner.

"Are you wearing the lace panties I bought you last Christmas?" Lisa asked Susan in a hushed voice.

Susan blushed an even deeper and nodded.

"Yup."

Lisa laughed. "Good girl. Now, I'm going to go find my Cedric," she said, walking away loosely.

Susan laughed, as she watched Lisa walk about, but then she was alone. She awkwardly ran her hand through her hair and looked around the room. Though Susan was well known, she was not popular. Her only good friend was Lisa, she had never gotten close to anyone else. Boys always seemed to like her, but she was always hesitant, scared. It always made her nervous when they stared. She could not blame them though, at least not tonight, for staring at her. With the way she was dressed she was asking for it.

"Hello," a tall, brown hair boy said slyly to Susan.

She looked at him and smiled.

"Hi," she said becoming suddenly nervous.

He looked at her, his eyes scanning her body. Susan gulped when she noticed how short her dress was and how much of her legs were exposed.

"Aren't you Head Girl?" He asked, him voice was charming.

Susan nodded meekly and blushed.

"Yes, and the more I think about it the less I think I should be here," she said with a laugh.

He smiled.

"My name is John," he said offering Susan his hand.

"Susan," she said quickly, then took his hand in hers.

"Nice to meet you Susan. Can I call you Susi?" He asked politely.

"Oh, of course," she said nodding her head fervently.

He laughed at her enthusiasm, and scanned her body again.

"Do you want a drink?"

Susan knew it would be a bad idea, but she decided she was going to have some fun for once.

"Yes, I would love one," she said happily.

"Alright, I'll go get you one," he said, walking towards the table.

Susan bit her lip in anticipation; she rarely interacted with boys.

John returned with two amber drinks and handed Susan one.

"Thank you," she said grabbing the cup and taking a small sip.

She cringed at the taste, but continued to drink it.

"Do you not like Fire Whiskey?" John asked her with concern.

She looked at him dumbly.

"Well, I don't drink too often, so the first taste is always a bit of a shock," she said cooly.

John nodded.

"Of course," he said stepping closer to her.

Susan looked at him awkwardly and stepped away. She was not the most 'smooth' girl.

"There are so many people in here," Susan commented, as she noticed that there were indeed about sixty students in the medium sized room.

John looked around and nodded in agreement.

"Do you want to go somewhere else? I don't really like dancing," he asked Susan, who smiled brightly.

"I don't like dancing either," she said quickly, noticing that music started to play.

"Good," John said taking Susan's hand, "We can go somewhere else."

Susan followed him out of the Room of Requirement, and made sure to leave her drink behind. Still holding onto her hand they walked down the hallway.

"Where are we going?" Susan asked, her step was slightly loose.

John shrugged his shoulder.

"We could go in here," he said motioning to an abandoned class room.

"Okay," Susan said with indifference.

The room was dim, for it was around ten and it quite cold. Susan entered the room and leaned against an old desk.

"So, what house are you in?" She asked John, who walked towards her, his drink still in his hand.

"I'm a sixth year Ravenclaw," he said standing close in front of her.

Susan nodded and leaned away from him, alarmed by his closeness.

"What's wrong?" He asked her, putting his hand on her arm.

Susan looked at him, his dark features were bold in the dim light. He looked handsome, but his touch was rough.

"Oh, I'm just cold," Susan lied and pulled her arm away from his grip.

"Let me warm you up," John said grabbing Susan by the waist and pulling her closer to him.

Susan froze and began to panic. What had she gotten herself into? She should be with Remus right now, not John. Remus was all Susan could think of; she wished he was holding her.

"No, I'm fine," she said struggling out of John's grip, but he did not let go.

He looked at her comically and took another sip of his drink.

"Susi, what's wrong? You don't like me?" He asked, setting his drink on the floor and running his hand up and down her sides.

She looked at him, horrified.

"No, I just- just have to go," she said trying to release herself from his grip, but failed again.

He looked at her and smiled.

"Just give me one kiss."

Susan flinched at the horrible smell of Fire Whisky that laced his breathe.

"No," she said looking him straight in the eye.

He rolled his eyes, looking annoyed.

"Fine."

Susan relaxed a bit, but he still held her by her sides. Susan looked around the room, but saw no way of distracting him. Though, she did hear a loud scuffling sound going down the hallway.

Once she looked back at John his lips fell onto hers. Susan squirmed and squealed, but his body weight was too much: he held her hands to her sides and kissed her roughly, pushing her against the nearest wall. She tried to kick him, but he did not seem to care, so Susan did what any girl would do, cry. Her tears were urgent and she cried as hard as she could, but he did not stop. Instead, he swiftly let go of one of her hands and groped her chest, but Susan couldn't take it. At the touch of his creeping hand on her thigh she bit his prodding tongue, and with as much force as she could muster, she pushed John off of her with a shriek.

Still drunken John grabbed for her, but she ran. She ran with tears streaming down her face as fast as should could run. But she stopped abruptly when she saw Professor Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Lupin, Sprout and Flitwick standing with Percy in front of the Room of Requirement. She wanted to turn back, hide herself from the embarrassment, but it was too late, Percy spotted her.

"Miss Thoits?!" Professor McGonagall screamed noticing Susan too, "Please do no tell me _you _attended this party!"

Susan started to shake and her tears continued to fall, but she knew she had to face them. Slowly and shamefully she walked down the corridor, not able to fathom what she looked like: red eyes, smudged makeup, messy hair and burning cheeks. She saw the hard, disappointed faces of her professors change as she approached them. They softened when they saw the state of her.

"Y-yes professor," Susan stuttered as she desperately tired to pulled down her dress, "I did attend the party."

The six adults stared at Susan not sure of what to do. She looked at their faces; they all looked shocked, especially Remus. It was like a dam broke inside of her, when she looked at him, her whole heart broke and she began to sob. How could she have been so stupid?

"Susan, what happened to you?" Professor Dumbledore asked and slowly approached Susan.

Still shaking, Susan hung her head shamefully, whilst she cried. She was disgusted by herself.

"Susan?" He asked again, his voice full of concern.

She knew he cared, she knew they all cared, but she was embarrassed.

"Did someone hurt you?" He asked in an even voice.

Susan shrugged and let out a loud sob.

"I don't know, I guess," she said loudly through her sobs, "but it was my fault. I was stupid! I should have never gone with him. I shouldn't have come here."

"Susan, dear, come with me," Professor McGonagall said worried, and lightly took her by the arm.

Susan complied, but refused to look up. She could not bare to see Remus...

--------

**DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN! DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN! Kind of a cliffhanger, right? I mean even I am curious to see what's gonna happen to Susan and what Remus is going to think about it all. And , well hot god damnit what has gotten into little Susi? She's kind of getting sleazy on us, but no worries, it'll all tie together. On a brighter note Susi will be joining to Order (which will start wayyyyy later on...after Hogwarts) :)**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I tired to make it a little different, you know a little less just Remus and Susi? Please tell me what you thought, because you know I love hearing for you guys! Thanks for all the reads and reviews. You are truly the best! I love you all and look forward to hearing from you!**

**Love, teawithme **


	12. Explanations

Explanations

----------

Susan sat nervously on the stiff, white hospital bed. She was still slightly shaking and all she could think of was Remus: what he was thinking, if he still liked her, what it would be like to have him hold her now. But he was not there, only Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall accompanied her. Susan could hear them whispering, wondering what had happened to her, but she did not jump to tell them. She was too worried about _him_.

"Susan," Madam Pomfrey said, walking towards here with a small vile.

Susan looked up; her eyes were still red and her makeup smudged.

"Yes?" She asked softly.

Madam Pomfrey smiled, it Susan's first verbal response.

"Can you please take this? It will make you feel better and help you fall asleep," she said handing the vile of silvery, effervescing liquid to Susan.

Susan took the vile in her hand and looked at Madam Pomfrey before swallowing the cool liquid. She cringed at the taste and suddenly her mouth became numb, along with the rest of her body.

Madam Pomfrey looked at Susan, waiting for her response.

"You said I'd feel better, not lose my feeling," Susan said lifting her hand, it tingled and felt lighter than usual.

Madam Pomfrey looked at her reprovingly.

"Susan, it will help," she said and took the vile from her.

Susan rolled her eyes as Madam Pomfrey walked away. A large set of pajamas laid next to her on the bed and looked at her invitingly, as the cool numbness overtook her body.

She grabbed the white pajamas and pulled the white curtain around the bed. Tugging at the hem of her dress, she quickly stripped of it and slipped on the large, white, pajama top, then the comfortable bottoms.

Susan poked her head under the white sheet, "Good night," she said to both Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall.

Madam Pomfrey waved in response, but McGonagall approached her.

"Good night, professor," Susan said as McGonagall neared her bed.

Minerva smiled lightly and took Susan's hand.

"Are you alright, dear?" She asked kindly, though it was strange to hear her speak with such compassion.

Susan looked at her vacantly, not sure how she was feeling. But she figured she would ease both McGonagall's and Pomfrey's anxieties.

" I heard you talking," Susan said slowly, "I wasn't raped."

A wave of relief washed over Mineva's face.

"Good," she said placing her hand on Susan's cheek.

"Now sleep," she said, and Susan complied.

The crisp, white sheets were erie, but Susan could not feel them. Her whole body was numb, but her mind was not. Guilt corrupted her thoughts. She felt guilty for going to the party, guilty for even talking to John and guilty for what she did to Remus. He was probably worried about her. She could still see the look of panic, concern on his face when he saw her earlier. Though Susan had yet to see him, she knew he would not be happy. Who would be? Susan had crossed the line, she could only hope he would forgive her.

----------

Susan awoke with a new found energy; she could actually feel a sensation in her body, but unfortunately the sensation was nerves. She awoke with an anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach. Groaning slightly she rolled around in the bed, hugging her stomach.

"Susan, are you awake," the voice of Madam Pomfrey asked from behind the white sheet.

Susan groaned again and squinted her eyes open.

"Unfortunately," she said dully, sitting up.

"Good!" Madam Pomfrey said brightly, pulling back the white sheet, "Now take this and you can go."

Susan sighed and pulled the white sheets off of her body, swinging her feet over the side of her bed.

"I don't know that effervescing liquids are good for me in the morning," Susan said observing the greenish, bubbling liquid in Madam Pomfrey's hand.

Madam Pomfrey tapped her foot in reply, and handed her the small glass tube.

"Simmer down Poppy," Susan said taking the tube from her hands.

"Excuse me, Miss Thoits," she said shooting Susan a reproving glare.

Susan rolled her eyes, "I told you effervescing liquids weren't good for me in the morning," she said, quickly swallowing the warm liquid.

Susan made a gagging noise and Madam Pomfrey snatched the glass away from her boldly.

"You may go now, Miss Thoits," she said, placing the glass tube on the side table, "But no more calling me Poppy."

Susan nodded and stood up from the bed, grabbing her clothes from the night before.

"Thank you," she said and walked nervously out of the hospital wing.

--------

Susan entered the common room, but no one was there. Usually on a Saturday morning small groups of Gryffindors would be playing Wizard's Chess or cards, but today was different. Susan walked quickly up to her dormitory and hopped in the shower, washing away the memories of last night. She felt ashamed and embarrassed. The thought of having to face Remus was unfathomable, but she owed it to him. He had been nothing but kind to her.

Drying off, Susan slipped a dark pair of jeans, a purple sweater and dried her hair with her wand. She would go talk with him now, get it over with. She knew the longer she waited the worse it would be, and she did not know how long she could go without seeing him. The worried look on his face from the night before was embedded into her eye lids. Susan figured she would let him know she was okay.

----------

"Susan," Remus said opening the door.

He looked extremely tired; his face pale, his eyes dark. Susan could not bare to look him in the eye.

"Hello," she said quietly, almost ashamed. Her eyes were focused on her feet.

Remus observed Susan; she too look tired, and she seemed uneasy.

"Come in," he said kindly, his voice tired.

She looked up.

"Okay," she said, following him into his quarters.

Susan did not know what to do: explain what happened, apologize or be casual. Just thinking about it made her hands begin to shake.

Remus walked into his kitchen and grabbed his cup on the counter. He watched Susan follow him, her movements were nervous, paranoid.

"Do you want something to drink?" He asked her, but she ignored him and sat on the couch.

Susan was nervous. She wanted so badly to explain what had happened, to make everything better, but what if he did not forgive her? She needed him, she could not bare to go without him, she would have to tell him.

"Susan," Remus said, walking over to the couch with two cups in his hand.

"Did that boy hurt you?" He asked gently, but she could tell it was painful for him.

Did John hurt her? Surely he scared her, touched her, but it was her fault. She agreed to go to the party, go with him, to drink the fire whiskey. Susan could have avoided everything if she had been responsible and listened to Percy.

Susan looked at Remus, embarrassed to have his sympathy.

"I don't know that he 'hurt' me," Susan said quietly.

Remus nodded and sat beside her on the couch. He offered her the second cup of tea in his hands and carefully placed his arm around her shoulder.

"Susan, you don't have to talk about this now if you don't want to."

Susan cried out in frustration. Why was Remus being so kind to her? She had betrayed him, another guy kissed her, touched her and it was all her fault. It was not inevitable, she could have stopped it. Susan could have spent the evening with Remus, talking about their favorite books, but instead she spent the night 'having fun.'

Remus pulled her close to him, but Susan would not allow herself to cling to him. She did not deserve him, but he felt so warm and his comforting smell filled surrounded her.

"Shhhh," he said softly rubbing her shoulder.

"Remus," Susan said, sitting up and roughly wiping her eyes of the stray tears that leaked down her cheeks. Her vision was blurred, but she could see the look of sympathy etched across his face.

He looked at her, curious to hear what she wanted to say.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked angrily, her cold eyes piercing into the warmth of his own.

He looked taken a back and reached slowly to take her hand, but Susan sharply pulled her hand away. She could not take the caring gaze of his honey eyes.

"What happened yesterday was all my fault. Remus, you should be furious with me," she said looking at him solemnly.

But Remus's face was soft, he was concerned, "Susan you can't blame yourself for what he did to you."

Susan hung her head and clutched her fists in her lap.

"Yes I can," she said defensively, her voice was raising.

"I could have listened to Percy and could have never gone to the party. But-but no, I wanted to 'have fun,' when really I have more fun being with you," Susan said sincerely, tears leaking from her eyes again.

Remus looked at her, not able to be angry. He understood how she felt and how she wanted to feel; like what had happened was her fault, when really she was innocent of any crime.

"Susan, what did he do to you?" Remus asked, his expression somber.

Susan looked at him nervously and took a deep breath.

"I don't know," she said slowly, "He just forced himself on me, and he kissed me and touched me," she said looking quickly at her hands, which were placed securely in her lap.

"So, he didn't-"

Remus tried to asked, but Susan cut him off.

"No, no I wasn't raped," Susan said frustrated.

"Thank God," Remus said as a wave of relief washed over his body, relieving most of his tension.

Remus smiled at Susan, but she stared at him, confused.

"Why?" She asked, curious why that's all anyone seemed to care about.

Remus raised a concerned eyebrow.

"Well, because that's a horrible thing to do to a young women, especially a pure one," Remus said, choosing his words carefully.

Susan sighed, frustrated.

"It would not have mattered anyways, Remus, I'm not what you call 'pure," Susan said, looking him in the eye.

Remus stared at her, his face had fallen a bit and his chin clutched.

Susan searched his eyes, waiting for his response, an inquiry to her statement, but he his reaction was not what Susan expected.

"Susan," Remus said slowly and took her hands from her lap, "I guess that doesn't really matter. I'm just happy you're safe and that you're here with me right now," he said slowly, looking into her eyes.

He had done it again and Susan hated him for it. He evoked emotions that had been entrapped in her heart for years.

Susan could not contain it, her tears came back in a wave of intense emotion. Remus truly cared for her, she knew that, but she was stubborn. He was all she wanted, he was everything she could ever need, but it was hard for her. Hard to trust someone, even if they did care for her. Susan knew she had a lot of things to explain to Remus, she had an excellent facade. So, she would take it slow, explain things to him when it was appropriate. For now she just wanted to be with him.

Susan moved closer to Remus and wrapped her arms around his chest, hugging him to her body. Remus stroked her long, dark hair, comforting her.

"I'm so sorry," Susan said, her voice muffled by Remus's body.

"Susan, it's okay," he said rubbing her back calmingly.

Susan looked up at his face, "Thank you."

He smiled at her and set down his cup of tea.

"Sit up for a moment," he instructed Susan, then laid down on the couch, beckoning Susan to lay beside him.

Susan laid contently in Remus's arms. His large hand cupped her shoulder and she laid her head on his chest, her hand on his stomach. Slowly Susan traced the line of buttons on Remus's shirt. She smiled to herself, she liked the way he dressed: collared, buttoned shirts that were slightly worn, but always freshly pressed and trousers with slightly tattered ends. It was endearing.

As Susan reached the top button she nimbly slipped the round disk through the hole, revealing the soft, brown hairs on Remus's surprisingly built chest. Remus watched as Susan slid her hand under this shirt and up to his neck, exploring his warm skin.

Susan glanced at Remus, her hand stroking the hair on the back of his head.

"Can I kiss you?" She asked, still a little nervous about being close to him.

Remus smiled and snaked his hand behind her neck, pulling her closer.

"Of course."

Susan bit her lip and moved both of her hands to Remus's shoulders, hovering over his body. Remus moved his hands to Susan's mid-waist and pulled her against his body. Energized by the sensation of being pressed against his body, Susan crashed her lips against Remus's. She smiled as his mustache lightly tickled her upper lip, but kissed him with aching passion. He eagerly kissed her back, his intensity building with each kiss. Susan ran her hands through his hair, moving her kiss down to his neck. Remus slightly moaned as Susan kissed up his neck to the back his ear.

"Susan," Remus said abruptly, lightly pushing her away.

"Hmm?" She asked, placing soft kissing on his chin bone.

Remus placed one of his hands on her cheek, "I think we need to slow down."

Susan laughed and laid beside him on the couch.

"Am I too much for you professor?" She asked tracing the buttons of his shirt again.

Remus laughed uncomfortably.

"Oh, you're definitely somethin g else Susan," he said placing his hand on her hip.

Susan smiled at him, and sighed happily, laying her head on his chest. She played with the hem of Remus's shirt and a mischievous grin spread upon her lips. She lightly traced the thin strip of skin that appeared above his pant line with her finger tips. Susan smirked as she felt Remus tense at her touch; his reaction dared her. Slowly Susan lifted the hem of his shirt and let her fingertips dance across the trail of dark hairs that reached from his navel to beneath his trousers.

"Merlin's beard, Susan," Remus said quickly, grabbing her hand.

She looked at him and laughed. He looked like her was petrified.

"Remus, you look like you've just seen the Basilisk," Susan said holding onto his hand and kissing his knuckles.

He shook his head and sat up against the arm of the couch, "Susan, you can't do things like that to a male. You know we're sensitive," he said blushing.

Susan could not help but beam at him, he made her too happy.

"I like it when you blush," Susan commented, gazing into Remus's eyes.

"You like seeing me embarrassed?" He asked, grabbing her waist and pulling her onto his lap.

Susan wrapped her arm around his neck and kissed the side of his head.

"Yes, I truly do."

"Well, that's not fair," Remus said nuzzling his face into the crevice of Susan's neck, kissing it lightly.

"Sure it is," Susan said pulling her head closer, ruffling his hair.

"What embarrasses you?" He asked curiously.

Susan thought for a moment, "Well, yesterday was quite embarrassing."

Remus nodded, understanding her how she must have felt.

"Yes, well, I'm just happy that you're okay," Remus said, lifting his head to kiss her lips.

Susan nodded and leaned her head against his, breathing in his warm scent.

"Remus," Susan said softly, grabbing his hand.

Remus raised his eyebrow and squeezed her hand.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to know why I like you?" She asked, blushing slightly.

"Yes," he said looking into her sparkling, brown eyes.

Susan bit her lip and traced Remus's palm with her thumb.

"Well," she said smiling at him, "you're so kind."

Remus gaped at her.

"You mean, it's not because of my dashing, good looks?" He asked, winking at her playfully.

She smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Well, that too of course, but you have wonderful character traits."

Remus gazed at her fondly, tucking a piece of her long, brown hair behind her ear.

"I'm glad you can appreciate my 'character traits,'" he said kissing her on the forehead.

Susan laid against Remus's chest, still holding onto his hand.

"The full moon's soon, isn't it?" She asked him, concerned.

Remus nodded, "Yes, and the weather's getting colder."

Susan frowned, she hated to think that Remus would have to transform alone in the cold.

"Well, I promise that I'll be here to warm you up after your transformation," she said, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Remus smiled, happy to have Susan near him.

"You're sweet," he said kissing the back of her hair, and squeezing her tight.

Susan turned her head to look at him, "But you're sweeter."

* * *

**Awww, I love Remus Lupin. So, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. I know some people felt like I contradicted my story with the last chapter, but I don't think I did. Susan kind of represses herself and she had a little spontaneous 'fun.' Though, I don't think she will be going to any parties anytime soon, well without Remus that is.**

**Again, thank you soooo much for all of your reviews, they're truly fabulous! If you have any suggestions or advice, like always I love to hear your thoughts. The next chapter will probably transition into the Christmas season, which will be fun!**

**I hope you're all enjoying the lovely spring weather! Thank you for reading and I'll see you soon.**

**love, teawithme**

**p.s. I know I posted this chapter and then took it down...I had to fix a few things and happy first day of spring :)**


	13. Walks and Talks

Walks and Talks

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Winter greeted Hogwarts with much gusto. Within a week the crisp, rich colors of fall had faded, and had been eclipsed by a cool blanket of snow. The castle, though quite endearing when adorned with snow, had turned cold, and so did the students. Through every corridor and classroom jackets were worn and sneezes were heard, but there was also much joy. Christmas was only two weeks away and the Hogwarts students would be returning home to their families. But Susan was not as happy as her fellow classmates, for she was still wondering about her mother, and was yet to recieve a letter in response.

* * *

"So, are you like, dating professor Lupin?" Lisa, who was sitting cross legged on Susan's bed, asked.

Susan, who was sitting across from Lisa, blushed and laughed nervously.

"Um, no I don't think so," she said shrugging her shoulder.

Susan had elaborated on her relationship with Remus to Lisa and wondered; was she 'dating' Remus?

"Well, you two have kissed, right?" Lisa asked, trying to examine their relations.

Susan looked at her hesitantly.

"Yes."

"Have you two had sex?" Lisa asked casually.

Susan looked at Lisa exasperated.

But Lisa rolled her eyes, "It's just a simple question."

"No! Of course not," Susan said, and crossed her arms defensively.

Though it was her greatest fantasy, Susan could not see herself being that close with her professor; at least not whilst they were at Hogwarts.

"Hey," Lisa said, her face concentrated in thought.

"I thought you said, that as long as Lupin is your teacher you would not have any sexual relations with him."

Susan rolled her eyes and laid down onto her bed.

"I know I said that," she said with a sigh, "and I was thinking about it the other day. Lisa, is what I'm doing completely wrong?"

Lisa bit her lip and looked at Susan with uncertainty.

"I don't know that it's wrong, but it's definitely different. I mean, I know you Susi, and I know that if you weren't happy, or you thought whatever you were doing with wrong, you would not do it. So, if he treats you well and you have feelings for him, I say screw what people might think and continue on. Though, I don't know that I would make anything public," Lisa said slowly and carefully.

Susan smiled and sat up, giving her friend a hug.

"That's exactly what I needed to hear," Susan said, squeezing Lisa tightly.

"But don't tell anybody!" Susan said quickly.

Lisa smiled and released Susan from her embrace, "Who would I tell?"

Susan pondered for a moment, "Well, Lisa the last I checked you're quite social..."

"Oh, I swear on Merlin's beard that I will not tell a soul. Alright?" Lisa said playing with her blonde locks of hair.

"I trust you Lisa, don't worry," Susan said happily, "Here let me braid your hair."

Lisa complied and let Susan braid her long, blonde hair.

"So, tell me," Lisa said in a gossipy mood, "Why do you like professor Lupin so much?"

Susan blushed, as she pleated Lisa's hair.

"Um, I guess he's just mature. You know he has restraint and doesn't want just sex, like most boys our age," Susan said, thinking of why she did like Remus.

Lisa tilted her head, "Well, I guess that has it's ups and downs, right?"

Susan laughed, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, as your relationship grows and you get closer, when you're in the mood he might want to play a game of chess or have a cup of tea instead," Lisa said jokingly.

Susan rolled her eyes.

"Merlin's beard Lisa! You're so amorous," Susan exclaimed, "There is more to a relationship than just sex."

"Maybe you're right," Lisa said simply, "I mean if I tried telling that to Cedric he'd just laugh."

"Lisa!" Susan said loudly, finishing the braid.

"Opps! I guess I said too much," Lisa said breaking into a fit of laughs.

"You're such a slag," Susan said to her best friend.

"Yes, well, you're dating a man double your age," Lisa spat back.

Susan just sighed.

* * *

Susan awoke with a grumpy disposition, Monday mornings were always difficult, but Mondays in December were the worst. With heavy feet she stumbled out of bed and made her way to the bathroom to quickly get ready for the day.

Since it was still early, and Susan had failed to do so in almost a month, she made her way to the kitchens, to visit her favorite house elves. The Common room was empty like usual, as she walked through it and out the portrait door. Susan flinched as she walked into the cold corridor and regretted wearing a skirt, even though she did wearing cotton stockings. She hugged the warm cotton of her house sweater close to her body and walked glumly down the corridor. It was cold and she was tired, but she felt she owed Sully a proper visit.

So she continued, and slight skip developed with each step she took towards the portrait of the fruit bowl. Thoughts of her meeting with Remus just three months ago in the kitchens brought a smile to her face and a warm blush caressed her cheeks. Moreover, she felt slightly sad that they had not made a habit of meeting in the morning, though she felt it was not too soon to start; they needed a safe place to meet, Snape was becoming dangerously conscious of Susan's visits to Remus's quarters. Approaching the portrait, Susan extended her arms and lightly tickled the ripened pear with two fingers and the portrait opened slowly.

Susan entered the kitchens and was welcomed by the bustling of busy elves. There were elves cutting potatoes, toasting bread, cutting fruit, frying eggs bacon and sausage, pouring milk into pitchers, and squeezing orange juice, but Susan did not see Sully. She walked around the kitchen nonchalantly, searching for her friend and did not see her.

"Excuse me," Susan said to a house elf that was sitting lazily on the floor, next to a pile of potatoes.

He looked at her and raised a dark eyebrow.

"Hmm?" He asked, sounding grumpy or maybe tired.

"Um, do you know of a house elf named Sully?" She asked hopefully.

The house elf nodded.

"Uh, yeah. She left though, um she said she was beckoned back to her original home," he said slowly and sleepily.

Susan pursed her lips and felt her eyes begin to well.

"Does Dumbledore know about this?" She asked looking around the kitchen, noticing that a lot of the old house elves were gone, had been replaced.

The elf yawned and nodded his head lightly.

Susan looked at the lazy elf with disgusted and hurried out of the kitchens, trying to blink the moisture from her eyes. She ran to the Great Hall, knowing that Dumbledore would be there by now, along with the other professors for breakfast. A couple students stared at her as she bursted through the Great Hall doors, but she did not notice, instead she continued to run towards front table.

Dumbledore stood, along with professor McGonagall and Flitwick, when they saw Susan in such a fervent and upset state.

"Susan," Dumbledore said as she approached the table.

Susan looked at him and grabbed hold of the oak table in front of her, catching her breath.

"What is the matter?" He asked with concern.

Susan's lip quivered as she looked down the staff table, then Dumbledore.

"W-where are the house elves?" She asked with a nervous stutter.

Dumbledore frowned at Susan, then looked at Minerva, who's face was grim.

"Miss Thoits, a few of our most dear house elves have been taken away from us," Dumbledore said slowly, looking into Susan's sad eyes.

Susan bit her bottom lip and had a strong urge to cry, though she did not understand why the absence of a mangy house elf was effecting her so badly.

"Why?" She choked out through the lump that was building in her throat.

"We don't know why Susan, but we're waiting for an answer." Dumbledore said, his voice still slow and grave.

"B-b-but once a house elf is free from their family don't they have a choice to do what they want? I mean Sully was a free elf. She choose to work here," Susan said pointing at the ground she was standing on. "Sir, she told me horrible things about her old family! I don't want her there," Susan said sadly.

"I'm sorry Miss Thoits, I will tell you if we hear any more news," Dumbledore said calmly, smiling weakly at Susan.

She sighed and hung her head.

"Thank you sir," she said, then turned to leave.

----------

"Susan!" Remus said jovially, as he spotted her walking down an empty corridor.

She looked at him with a grim expression, but smiled weakly at his appearance; he was dressed in a large, grey sweater adorned with patches, a red scarf and had a pair of scuffed, leather boots.

"How are you?" He asked, walking closer to her.

Susan had skipped all of her classes; she had been too upset about Sully. Therefore, she had not seen Remus nor anyone else since the morning. She spent the day meandering around the castle, thinking about _things_ and admiring the artwork around the castle.

Susan did not respond though, instead she pulled Remus into a tight embrace once he approached her. He softly rubbed her back, then pulled her away, smiling at her.

"Are you back to skipping classes, Susan?" He asked lightly, sensing there was something wrong.

Susan giggled, then covered her head with her hands. She felt like an idiot for gigging; she hated girls that giggled.

"Susan," Remus said, taking her hand.

She looked at him with red cheeks, waiting for him to finish.

"Lets go for a walk," he said grabbing hold of the wand in his pocket, and flicking it lightly.

Susan looked around her expectantly, waiting for whatever he summoned to arrive. Then within moments Susan noticed her coat was flying down the cold corridor and towards her.

"Thank you," she said lightly, putting on her green, wool coat and wrapping her purple scarf around her neck.

Remus examined her fondly, "Green is such a beautiful color on you."

Susan grabbed his hand and they started to walk.

"Do you enjoy making me blush professor?" Susan asked, then let go of his hand.

"We probably shouldn't be, um," Susan said looking at their hands.

"You know in case someone sees us," she said meekly.

Remus nodded in understanding.

"Of course. And to answer your question, Miss Thoits," he said with a wink, making her blush yet again. "I do enjoy seeing you blush," he said rubbing her shoulder tenderly.

She rolled her eyes.

"You're horrible," Susan said playfully slapping his hand away from her.

Remus chortled and they continued to walk down the long, empty corridor. Susan followed him as they neared the end, and did a series of complicated twists and turns, before reaching a door that lead to the outside.

Like a gentleman, Remus opened to door for Susan, who curtsied before him.

"So, where exactly are we going?" Susan asked Remus, taking a hold of his arm.

The sun had just set and the air chilled her skin and nipped at her calfs through her thin stockings. But she felt like there was nothing keeping her from him; no one was around, so she took advantage of the cold and their close proximity.

"Well, I thought we could just take a nice walk, though I know you're not quite dressed for this cold of weather," Remus said glancing down at Susan's legs.

Susan shrugged and leaned into Remus, as they walked.

"I think I can handle it for a little while. I mean, I might be able to lose feeling completely, then it wouldn't even matter, right?" Susan said.

Remus laughed and rubbed one of her hands between the both of his, warming them.

"I guess not," he said kissing the side of her head lightly.

"Now tell me, why did you skip out on my class today?" Remus asked with genuine interest.

Susan's face went blank and the warmth of Remus disappeared; she started to feel the cold that surrounded her.

"I-well, you know Sully, the house elf, right?" Susan asked Remus, who listened to her carefully.

Remus nodded, "Yes of course, she's your friend, correct?"

"Yes," she said quietly, "But she's been taken away from Hogwarts, and Dumbledore doesn't know why. I just feel bad, because I hadn't seen her in awhile and I miss her."

"Dumbledore has a way of making things right Susan, so I would not worry too much," Remus said reassuringly.

"I know, but as daft as this may sound, Sully has always been there for me," Susan said sheepishly, as she thought of Sully and how much time she had spent with her over the years.

"That's not daft Susan, house elves are very compassionate creatures, and they do have surprisingly great insights into our behaviors," Remus said looking her in the eye.

"Oh, believe me, I know," Susan said, still following Remus's lead.

"But lets talk about something else, Remus," Susan said clutching his arms tightly.

Remus agreed, pulling her closer to his side, "What do you want to talk about?"

Susan took a deep breath, but it got caught in her throat, and she became nervous.

"Uh, can I ask you a question about us?" Susan asked, unsure of herself.

Remus stopped walking and looked at Susan.

"Yes of course," he said touching her cold cheek with the back of his warm hand.

She smiled at him and looked nervously at their surroundings. They were standing near the Black Lake, surrounded by nothing, but snow.

"Well, I'm kind of confused about what we are exactly," she said quietly.

He nodded.

"Well, what do you want us to be?" he asked, looking at her concerned face.

Susan placed her hands on Remus's shoulder and looked him in the eye; her warm breath caressing his cheeks.

"Remus, I really like you and I want to be with you, but it's kind of tricky since you're my professor. Though I don't look at our relationship as creepy or too inappropriate, because I'm legal and we have a healthy relationship. It's not like we're using each other for selfish reasons, you know what I mean?" Susan asked, hoping he understood how she felt about him.

He smiled at her warmly.

"I do understand, and agree that we have to be kind of careful about when and where we express our feelings. But I respect you as my student and I know you respect me as your professor, though I know not everyone would be supportive of our situation," he said gravely.

Susan nodded fervently.

"Yes, and do not worry. I won't tell anyone, not while we're at Hogwarts," Susan said with a smile.

"Good, nor will I," he placing his hands on either side of her cheek. Susan bit her lip in anticipation for his kiss, and closed her eyes as his warm lips touched her own cool ones. He kissed her harder than usual, which surprised Susan, but she enjoyed his sudden lapse in restraint and kissed him back; opening her mouth slightly to initiate exploration. Susan ran her hands from his shoulders to the back of his neck, and lightly caressed the skin beneath his sweater. He moved his warm lips down her cold neck and his mustache tickled the soft skin.

"Remus," Susan said laughing, and he looked up at her questioningly.

"Hmmm?" He asked kissing the lobe of her ear, causing her to squirm.

She looked at him tentatively, watching the movements in his face.

"What are you doing over the holidays?" She asked cautiously.

Remus shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know yet, why love?"

"I was just curious," Susan said, softly kissing his cheek.

"Curiosity is good."

Susan smiled, "Well, maybe we could visit each other, that is if I do go home."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"And if you dont?"

"Then I plan on seeing you quite a bit," She said cheekily.

* * *

**Gahhhh, so this was kind of a random chaper, but I hope you enjoyed it! I literally wrote it in about two hours, because I've been super busy, yet thought you wondeful readers deserved an update :) **

**Please tell me what you thought about the chatper and the story in general; if you have an suggestions or ideas please lay them on me, because I would love to make you happy! Thank you for all of the reviews (woot I'm at 50) and I hope you all have a wonderful week!**

**It's almost my Spring Break!!!!!**

**love, teawithme**

**p.s. I was thinking the other day about what Susan looks like, so if you have any ideas of celebrities or anyone please tell me. I would love to know what you guys think she looks like ... cause I have a few ideas, but I just don't know...**


	14. New Friends

New Friends

----------

"Oi, class wait here one moment!" Professor Sprout shouted excitedly when she saw Susan walking past the glass greenhouse. She quickly set down the blooming plant she held and her hand, and ran towards the door. The group of third years stared back at her with boring expressions, but watched, as she beckoned Susan to join their class.

Susan, who was on her way to the Owlery, smiled happily at her professor, and followed her into the greenhouse. The greenhouse was filled with warm, moist air, which was a sharp contrast to that of the air outside.

"Class," Professor Sprout said with much animation.

"This is my dear Susan, and she has agreed to take some time out of her afternoon to help teach today's lesson."

Susan smiled, and lightly waved at the group of third years that sat in front of her. She noticed the glum expressions on their faces, but was aware of a very interested girl, who sat at the front table with two awkward looking boys.

"Susan, this class is a mix of Gryffindors and Slytherins," Professor Sprout muttered, while Susan scanned the room.

She nodded absentmindedly at professor Sprout, but was distracted. A high pitched wolf whistle was heard from the back of the room, and a small group of Slytherin boys broke into a fit of laughter. Professor Sprout merely noticed, for she turned to get a bag of dung for their pots.

"Just ignore them," the girl, who sat in the front of the room, said to Susan.

Susan looked at her, she was fairly pretty, though looked as awkward as her two friends beside her; but everyone went through that phase during their third year.

"Oh, thanks. I will," Susan said smiling at the three kids in front of her.

"My name is Hermione," the girl said politely, offering her hand to Susan.

Susan took it graciously and shook it.

"I am Susan Thoits."

"Nice to meet you," Hermione said, glancing at the open page of her textbook. The boy beside her, who had messy black hair, muttered something under his breath to the other, causing the boy with red hair to blush.

Hermione rolled her eyes at the red haired boy and looked at Susan annoyed.

"These are my two friends Ronald and Harry," she said pointing to both of the boys.

Susan smiled at them brightly.

"Nice to meet you two," she said waving lightly.

"Nice to meet you too," the boy with the dark hair said, whilst the other blushed.

Susan smirked at the boy, who she presumed was a Weasley, and offered conversation.

"Are you Percy's brother?" She asked the boy named Ronald.

He looked at her nervously, then nodded.

"Uh, y-yes I am," he said shaking his head fervently.

Susan looked at him happily. She was quite humbled to have such an effect on him.

"Well, I know him quite well, though I do prefer Fred and George over him," Susan said with a smirk.

Harry laughed in agreement with Susan.

"Yes, Percy is a right foul git sometimes," Ron muttered darkly to Susan.

"Oh, trust me. I know from much experience. We kind of secretly hate each other," Susan said, but was deprived of a response.

"Susan," Professor Sprout said, placing her small, weathered hand on Susan's shoulder.

"Could you please help those students over there," she said pointing to a small group of Slytherins that sat adjacent to Hermione, Ron and Harry, "They don't know how to properly handle the blasting, blooming hydrangeas."

Susan waved farewell to her three new third year friends, then walked towards the table of Slytherins. They did not look mean or intimidating, instead confused and nervous.

"Hello, um can I help you with your plant?" Susan asked kindly, as she approached the table.

A girl with raven, black hair stared at her, and sighed defeatedly.

"Yes, we don't know how to take it out of the pot," the girl said grimly, staring at the blooming plant.

Susan nodded in understanding and grabbed a potted plant from the table behind her. The green stalks were adorned with tiny, sparking flowers that varied in color; pink, blue, purple, and a deep scarlet.

Susan looked at her plant, then at the Slytherin's plant. Theirs was blossoming at a faster speed and the buds on the plant were sparking fervently.

"Okay," Susan said unsurely, "You're going to grab the plant by the base of the root," she said demonstrating on her own plant.

The dark haired girl watched Susan carefully and tried it on her own plant, but yelped and jumped back.

"It burnt me!" She said grabbing her hand in pain, causing Susan to dismiss her now flourishing plant and attend to the girl.

"Bloody hell," Susan muttered, pushing the girl away from the table and taking control of her raging plant.

"Go run your hand under cool water," she ordered, as she herself tried to grab the root of the plant, but the tiny buds stung her hand.

"Fuck," Susan muttered, as she quickly pulled her hand away. She held her hand to her face and examined the scorched marks that littered her it, and walked quickly to one of the side cupboards to grab a pair of gloves.

With her hand still stinging, Susan slowly pulled the Dragon leather gloves over her hands, and stood in front of the fierce plant.

"Now, go get some gloves," she said to the other two Slytherins that were at the table, watching her with amusement. They nodded and walked away, whilst Susan grabbed hold of the root of her own plant.

"Are you okay?" Hermione asked Susan, who had not noticed the crowd that had formed around her.

Susan nervously looked up and nodded quickly, "Uh, yes why?"

Hermione pointed to her right arm, "You have a rash forming," she said urgently.

So, it was true; things always hurt worse once you noticed them. Susan looked at her right arm and her eyes grew two sizes larger, as she felt a burning sensation crept up her arm. It was like a flaming vine was swimming though her veins and eating at her skin.

"Uh, uh, Professor Sprout!" Susan shouted as she backed away quickly from the plant, holding her arm tightly.

But professor Sprout did not hear her, she had moved to the other side of the room to work with her new harvest of Mandrakes.

"Let us bring you to the hospital wing," Hermione said in a maternal manner.

Susan complied, following the three third years out of the greenhouse, making sure to ignore the sniggers that were coming from the Slytherin table in the back of the room.

----------

"Harry, Hermione, Ron, what are you three- Susan?" Remus asked with much surprise, as he turned the corner of one the many Hogwarts corridors.

"Sorry sir, but we can't talk. Susan has been injured," Hermione said, rushing down the hallway.

Worry washed over Remus, and he followed the four.

"Susan, what happened?" He asked, concerned about his student, his lover.

She looked at him and smiled weakly, "I was helping in Professor Sprout's class and was attacked by a blasting, blooming hydrangea."

Remus chortled, "Well, I know that these three students will take good care of you," he said smiling fondly at the third years.

Susan nodded and looked at Harry and Ron.

"Yup, they're very kind kids. Sir, I think it would be appropriate to give Gryffindor some house points," she said charmingly, though her teeth were gritted with pain.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Of course, ten points each, so thirty points to Gryffindor," Remus said with a smile.

Hermione smiled broadly, "Thank you professor."

"No, thank you Miss Granger."

Hermione blushed, but stopped as they neared the entrance to the hospital wing.

"Um, stay here and I will go talk with Madam Pomfrey," Hermione said, leaving Harry, Ron, Susan and professor Lupin waiting outside of the door.

"Harry, Ron, how are you doing?" Remus asked the two boys, who seemed quite nervous.

But Harry was eager to speak with professor Lupin, he was his favorite.

"Great professor, although Herbology was kind of scary today," he said eyeing Susan, who was looking at the growing rash on her arm.

"Yes, well you boys did the right thing," he said affirming their actions.

The hospital wing door opened, and Madam Pomfrey beckoned the group to come inside.

"Ah, Miss Thoits, you again," she said sarcastically, as Susan followed her into the infirmary.

Susan rolled her eyes.

"Yup it is. I just can't get enough of you Poppy," Susan said, taking a seat on the nearest open bed.

Hermione, Ron, Harry and Remus stood behind the two, watching them curiously.

She glared at Susan, but attended to her anyways.

"What happened," Madam Pomfrey asked, her voice a bit less venomous.

Susan looked at her arm unsurely, then looked at Madam Pomfrey.

"Well, I was helping some third years in Herbology and was attacked by a blasting, blooming, hydrangea," Susan said quietly, knowing Madam Pomfrey, who never really like her, would think it was humorous.

"Right," she said looking at Susan pathetically, "You four will have to leave."

Susan looked at the four in front of her and smiled lightly, "Thank you for helping me."

"You're welcome. Perhaps we'll see you around," Hermione said, speaking for the three of them.

"Feel better Miss Thoits," Remus said to Susan, the look on his face sympathetic and grave.

"I will professor, thank you," she said waving to her little army of heros, but was left alone with Poppy once they left.

"Alright. You'll need to take off your sweater Susan," she instructed, as she draped the white curtain around the hospital bed.

Susan sighed, not in the mood to strip for anybody, but took her sweater off anyways. She was careful to pull the cotton fabric away from her rash, as she brought the sweater off her body and over her head.

"Oh, and your blouse too," Madam Pomfrey said examining the rash, "It looks like it's gone past your shoulder."

Susan unbuttoned her white blouse and sat waiting for Madam Pomfrey to rid of she siring rash.

"Now, I am going to put this cream on your arm, which should take away most of the stinging, alright?" She told Susan, as she grabbed a jar of green gel.

"Will it sting?" Susan asked, as Poppy took the lid off of the jar and scooped some of the gel into her hands.

She stared at Susan for a moment, "Yes it will sting, then it will feel cool, then you may lose feeling in your arm, because it will be numb."

Susan raised an eyebrow, but held out her hand for Madam Pomfrey.

Susan bit her lip hard when she felt the sharp sting of the gel, but she did not cry nor yelp in pain. Instead she waited as the burning turned to a cool tingle, then nothing.

"Can you feel your arm?" Madam Pomfrey asked Susan, who looked dazed.

She shook her head and fell backwards; not conscious to what was around her.

----------

Susan opened her eyes, but found that her lids were heavier than usual and that she felt dizzy. Squinting at the abnormally bright sun that strung her eyes she tilted her head to look at where she was.

"Susan, finally you're awake," Madam Pomfrey said loudly, hurting Susan's ears.

Susan made a bothered expression.

"My senses are strangely sharp Madam," Susan said observantly.

Poppy looked at her dumbly, "Oh really Miss Thoits?"

Susan rolled her lazy eyes. She was glad to know that even when she felt faint she could still piss off Poppy.

"Uh, yes. I thought that maybe since you were a nurse you'd like to know how I'm feeling," Susan said with faux seriousness.

"Take this," Madam Pomfrey said handing Susan a small crystal cup with a green liquid in it.

"It's effervescent," Susan said and stubbornly pushing the cup away from her.

"Just drink it," Poppy said sternly.

Susan shook her head.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that."

"Yes you can."

"No, really I've been told by my mother that I am not to drink effervescent liquids. They're really damaging to my, um, kidneys," Susan lied.

"Oh, really?" Madam Pomfrey inquired.

"Uh, yes. Did you not learn that at university? Copious amounts of bubbles and, um, harden your kidney," Susan asked, challenging her knowledge; that always made her upset.

"Don't make me force you to drink this," Poppy said stepping closer to Susan and thrusting the glass cup at her again.

"Bloody hell," Susan exclaimed, "I wouldn't want that," she said, then grabbed the cup from Madam Pomfrey's hand, drinking it swiftly.

"Leave," Madam Pomfrey said shortly, pointing to the large hospital wing doors.

"You mean you don't want me to stay here until the potion has kicked in?" Susan asked, attempting to sound as annoying as possible.

"No, leave now."

"Yes, Ma'am," Susan said saluting her as she walked out of the hospital wing.

----------

With her arm finally cured and mind conscious, Susan decided to finish what she had originally intended to do; go to the owlery.

It was still cold out, probably even colder, since it was now eight in the evening. Susan had missed lunch, dinner and would probably not even eat until the morning, or if anything she would treat herself to some chocolate. But she was more worried about receiving her letter and being able to lift her arm, than she was her stomach.

Ascending the icy stairs that led to the small, yet crowded owlery, Susan hoped Romulus would be there waiting for her. She opened the door quickly, eager to see if indeed her owl was there, and was pleasantly surprised, for Romulus was waiting patiently in his usual spot.

He obediently held out his leg and cooed at Susan, who gave him a small treat from her pocket, and untied the letter.

Placing a small kiss on his head she stuffed the letter in her trouser pocket and left her bird for the night.

----------

_Susan,_

_Love, why are you so worried? Truly there is no need for you to be. I will explain everything to you when you come home for the holidays. Jack is so excited to meet you and I too cannot wait to see you, my precious daughter. We are also having our usual ball on Christmas Eve, so if you would like to invite your lovely acquaintance Lisa again, or anyone else for that matter, it would be quite alright. I will plan on picking you up from the train station on the 18th of December at noon. Though, I cannot make any promises on marriage sweet heart. I look forward to seeing you and hope you are well!_

_Love, your mother_

Susan's lip quivered and her emotions raged as she read the letter. She was standing on an empty flight of stairs near the Great hall, when she had an intense desire to scream. But knowing that throwing a caustic fit in a deserted stairway would be completely insane she chose to be austere. Instead, opting for violently ripping the piece of paper in half, making sure the word marriage was eligible.

She stormed up the stairs and to the only place she knew would make her feel better. In a way Susan did not like having someone to depend on, but sometimes it was nice. To have someone who she could talk to and comfort her. Though, it was her greatest fear to rely on someone completely. To lose her capacity of functioning alone. To need someone so badly that it was impossible to be away from them. In fact, she felt sympathetic for those types of women, but love was fickle, and she could only hope that she kept her dignity.

----------

"Should I go home for Christmas?" Susan asked ponderously, after explaining the letter she received from her mother.

Remus pouted his lips, but nodded his head, knowing it was the right choice.

"Yes, Susan, I think that is the best thing for you to do," he said rubbing her shoulder softly.

She looked up at him and smiled.

"You know, you make me feel better," Susan said, leaning against his shoulder.

Remus merely nodded arrogantly.

"I know."

Susan snorted with laughter, "You're not supposed to say that."

He laughed and hugged her to his chest.

"It was just a folly," he said, nuzzling his face into her hair and stroking her side softly.

"Right, of course," Susan said sarcastically, "I guess I forgot how funny you are."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked defensively.

"Oh nothing," she said, cuddling into the nook of his arm.

The two sat silently for awhile, enjoying each others company. Susan smiled faintly at the soothing touch of Remus's hand on her waist. It made her feel protected and secure, yet his touch was gentle, not rough. Just being in his presence calmed Susan. The thought that a werewolf, such as himself, could be so good-natured was endearing.

"You should visit me during the holidays," Susan said, breaking their peaceful silence.

Remus gripped her waist and pulled her in front of him.

"How would that work?" He asked, his face contorted with thought and confusion.

Susan ran a hand through her dark hair, pushing it away from her face, and smiled.

"Well, every year since I can remember, my family has thrown a large ball. So, you could come to that. I mean no one would notice you, for I probably know fifteen of the three hundred guests every year," Susan said persuasively.

"A ball?" Remus asked.

Susan nodded and corked her head.

"Yes, it's quite cheesy, I know. But it's my family's tradition. It's just a bunch of high class pure-bloods, who get together to dance and drink. Really we wouldn't even have to stay at the ball for long," Susan paused, "We could go somewhere else, like muggle London or some place, and have some private time, where people would not know us."

Remus smiled at the thought and pulled Susan closer to him so he could kiss her cheek.

"That sounds like a lovely plan, though I don't know that it will work," he said evenly.

"Why not?" She asked.

"Well, although muggle London sounds like a wonderful idea, we'd still be taboo. Susan, I'm a lot older than you."

Susan rolled her eyes.

"Fine, if you feel that way then we can just pretend your my uncle of something," Susan said plainly, causing Remus to sigh; Susan could be stubborn at times.

"Remus it's not like I am suggesting that we go skip around London and passionately make love in the middle of the street," Susan said dryly, "I just think we could have a nice time."

"As do I. It's just that we have to be careful," he said kissing her cheek again.

Susan wrapped her arm around his neck and leaned her head against his.

"Good, so you'll visit me?" Susan asked, speaking into his ear.

Remus nodded and Susan squealed happily.

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

"I am usually very bored over the holidays," she said thoughtfully, "and I don't know how it's going to be with my mom's new love interest."

"Susan," Remus said looking her in the eyes, "You're mother will be fine," he offered kindly, knowing she was worried.

Susan looked away, dodging his gaze.

"But marriage? I don't know that I could call him dad," Susan said grimly.

"You don't know that they'll actually get married though," Remus said comfortingly, stroking the small of her back.

"You're right," Susan said gripping the collar of his shirt, "I just hope he's an alright guy," she said kissing his lips softly.

Remus smiled, pushing her locks of brown hair out of her face, "If you're anything like you're mother, then I'm sure she will not have made a bad choice, right?"

Susan laughed, thinking of how Remus had condemned her choice of courting him.

"Well, I guess we did both fall for a werewolf," Susan said, savoring the irony.

Remus smirked, pecking her lips, "That you did."

"But that's just about our only similarity."

* * *

**Wow, so I finally introduced the trio. About time eh? I guess I figured I might as well do it now, because later in the series they'll be mighty important. So, I digress.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews, they're truly amazing (and I loved all of the suggestions). Like usual, I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on the story and if you have any ideas, my ears are wide open!**

**I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and since I'm on Spring Break I will try and update again soon :)**

**love, teawithme**


	15. Hogsmeade Skirmishes

Hogsmeade Skirmishes

----------

"Where are you going?" Lisa asked Susan, who was fully dressed for the outdoors.

Susan nervously glanced at the thin, gold watch she wore on her wrist and answered Lisa quickly.

"I'm going to Hogsmeade. I um, told Dumbledore that I would go early, so I could be there incase any problems or altercations occur when the rest of the students arrive," Susan said fumbling with the buttons on her green peacoat.

Lisa nodded in understanding and continued to brush her long, blonde hair.

"Oh, well I guess I'll see you there. Cedric and I are leaving at around eleven," Lisa said with a mischievous grin.

Susan smiled and waved good bye to Susan. "Great. I will see you later and hopefully will have found you a present."

Lisa's face brightened as Susan walked quickly out of her dorm; the thought of presents made her euphoric.

* * *

Hogsmeade during the Christmas holidays was always endearing. A blanket of snow covered the cobble-stone streets and iced the sloping roofs of the antique buildings. Christmas carolers strolled jovially down the side streets — their noses red and their cheeks flushed — whilst spreading Christmas cheer. The shop windows were filled with flamboyant displays and rich, alluring smells spilled out from each door.

Susan smiled brightly under her thick wool scarf, as she walked slowly down the main street. Her deep, brown eyes searched the store fronts wondrously and her nose, which was merely covered by her scarf, was engulfed by the scents of _Beatrice's Bakery_.

Eyeing the small shop filled with breads, tortes and sugary pastries Susan approached it. Small puffs of brightly colored smoke rose from the chimney atop the roof and the mossy green door shined luminously as Susan neared. Turning the heavy, brass door-nob, Susan was overwhelmed by a cozy warmth. She stepped into the shop and stomped the snow off of her brown, leather boots, before heading straight for the inner display.

"Welcome," a handsome boy greeted Susan.

Susan looked up from the elaborate desserts and smiled at the boy.

"Good morning," she said cheerfully. Cheer was inevitable for Susan, especially when she was surrounded by such great food.

"I haven't seen you around here before," the boy said conversationally to Susan, his accent one of an Irish bloke.

Susan nodded and glanced at him; he had dark, handsome features, though his ears were slightly too large of his head.

"Yes, well I go to Hogwarts, so I do not make it around here too often."

"Oh, I see," the boy said gazing at Susan, who stood uncomfortably for a moment.

"You don't look like you'd go to Hogwarts," the boy commented, presumably on Susan's physique.

Susan made an awkward face, then examined herself quickly.

"Well, I do. I'm a seventh year. Did you go to Hogwarts? Surely I would have known you," she asked.

The boy shook his head and leaned against the glass counter.

"Nope. I went to a small magic school in Ireland," he said proudly, "My name's Dylan."

"Susan," she said curtly.

It occurred to Susan that Dylan was quite possibly flirting with her, and that was alarming. So, she frantically tired to make herself seem rude, or uninterested. Because surely she was, though cute boys always made her feel giddy.

Dylan looked at her apprehensively. He noticed her quick change in mood, but continued to pursue their conversation.

"It was nice meeting you Susan," he said kindly, his wide grin sparkling in the light.

Susan smiled meekly, "Nice meeting you too, Dylan."

"Can I get something for you?" He asked gesturing to the long glass case that conceal dozens of pastries and breads.

She nodded enthusiastically, her eyes lusty.

"Oh yes," she said expressing her desire to indulge herself.

Dylan laughed at her enthusiasm.

"What will it be, then?" He asked.

"Alright, well please don't judge me by this, but I will take: two of those raspberry tortes, uh one custard filled doughnut, three cream cheese danishes, a triangle of baklava, oh and an assortment of those macaroons, and lastly one of those cinnamon rolls," Susan said with truly no shame.

"Is this for here or to go?" Dylan asked jokingly, causing Susan to blush.

"Trust me, this is not all for me," she said winking playfully at him.

"Right, I believe you," he said placing Susan's treats into a large, pink box for her.

Susan waited patiently for him to pack her purchase and noticed that a few Hogwarts students were wondering the streets.

"That will be five galleons," Dylan said to a distracted Susan.

She quickly turned to face him and dug into her pockets for the round, gold coins.

"It's a good thing I brought some extra money," Susan said as she handed him the coins.

Dylan nodded — his grin was contagious — then handed Susan her pink box.

"Have a wonderful Holiday, and be sure to enjoy your treats," he said with a wink.

Susan's cheeks flushed and a warmth spread over her face.

"Uh, thank you," she said grabbing the box, "I'll try."

Hurriedly Susan walked out of the warm bakery and onto the cool Hogsmeade streets.

----------

Susan walked up and down the main street of Hogsmeade, eyeing _Tomes and Scholls, _the town's book shop. Heaving her pink box of pastries along with her, Susan approached the window. It too had an elaborate display of books. Some were bewitched and had moving pictures, others had intricate pop-up photos, and in the corner of the animated display was a stack of muggle books, looking dry and dull compared to the others.

Susan smiled to herself as she gazed at the titles; _The Scarlet Letter, The Hobbit, 2000 Leagues Under the Sea, Hamlet, Slaughter House Five, Gone With the Wind _and a tatter copy of _The Bible _were stacked lonely beside the other magic books_. _

She thought for a moment about the books. There was a unique variety encased in the display, though she knew those titles were buried somewhere in her bookcases at home. But perhaps that would be a good present for Remus, since it was not too personal of a gift, whilst still being personal.

Staring at the books she bit her lip in thought and decision. Decisions were always tuff, but when she shifted her eyes to the wall beside the shop Susan froze. Her heart began to pound and she became nervous. It had been almost two months since Sirius Black had broken into the Hogwarts castle, but he still scared her greatly.

A large poster was stuck to the wall and Sirius Black's animated face was plastered to it. The black and white photograph moved eerily as Black made aggressive, animalistic gestures towards the onlooker. Susan backed away slowly from the poster, unable to keep her eyes off of it, no matter how frightening it was.

"Watch it!" A voice called out to Susan, who jumped as she came into contact with someone.

"Oh, Merlin's beard I'm so-" Susan said as she turned around to apologize.

"-sorry?" She said questioningly, as she stared the stranger in awe.

"Oh, oh no, blood hell, please not you," the annoyingly familiar voice of Nymphadora Tonks said.

Susan rolled her eyes.

"Well, my day has just gotten better," Susan said sarcastically, "How've you been Nymphadora?"

Susan stared comically at the girl in front of her. Though Tonks was three years older than Susan, they looked around the same age, but Tonks was special. Tonks was a Metamorphmagus, meaning she could change her appearance at will, and since Susan's fourth year, whenever Tonks was angry as Susan her hair turned a reddish color.

"Don't call me that, Thoits!" Tonks demanded, her fists clenched and her usual brown hair turned red.

Susan chortled. "I'm glad to see I still have the same affect on you, Dora."

Tonks sighed and folded her arms across her chest.

"You know, I forgot how much I hated you," she said to Susan, who smiled in return.

"I guess I'll take that as a back handed compliment," Susan said clutching her box to her side, "I've missed having someone to fight with. No one is a fervent as you are, Nymphy."

Tonks raised an eyebrow at Susan.

"So, Dumbledore made you Head Girl?" She asked, noticing the golden pin that Susan had attached to the strap of her purse, not desiring to wear it on her coat.

Susan nodded smugly.

"Yes."

"Well, that was a mistake," Tonks countered.

Susan laughed, "Well, clearly he had enough sense to not make your Head Girl."

"You haven't changed at all," Tonks commented and Susan frowned.

Susan never liked Tonks and usually her slander did not affect her, but what she had just said did. It was true that Susan acted like a child when she was around Tonks and it was not appropriate, moreover, Tonks was just as uncivil to her as she was to Tonks. Susan felt like she had changed, like she had matured, although it may have been in a different way than what she showed Tonks. It was hard though, to be mature, when Tonks was antagonizing her.

"Sure I have," Susan said gravely, "Just not around you."

Tonks pursed her lips, "What ever gets you through the night Susan."

----------

Susan fumed with rage as she continued to walk down the snowy, cheery, Hogsmeade street. Her confrontation with Tonks had not gone too well, and she cold and frazzled about Sirius Black.

Quickly she passed by _The Three Broomsticks _eager to return to the castle, but saw Remus sitting at a table. She stopped and went back to look through the window again and noticed he was accompanied by four other students. Being curious, Susan stepped into the pub and was again engulfed by a comforting warmth, though this warmth was more foggy.

"Lisa, Cedric, Hermione, Ron, and uh professor Lupin?" Susan asked as she walked into _The Three Broomsticks _

"Susi, how nice of you to join us!" Lisa exclaimed as Susan approached their large circle table.

Susan, who looked overwhelmed, set her box of pastries on one of the seats and took off her jacket. Ron and Hermione beamed fondly at Susan and gave her a slight wave. Susan returned it graciously and smiled at Cedric before making eye contact with Lisa.

"Wow, I'm glad I got the invitation," Susan said jokingly, and sat down next to Remus.

Lisa raised her eyebrow suggestively to Susan, who blushed as she looked at Remus.

"So, how did you five get together...here?" Susan asked, confused about this strange meeting.

Everyone laughed lightly, while Hermione raised her hand and began to speak.

"Well, Ronald and I were here first, and then Lisa and Cedric came, though we did not sit together. Then professor Lupin came into the pub and we joined him, and Lisa and Cedric joined us," Hermione explained and Susan nodded in understanding.

"Lisa," Susan said excitedly, "You will never guess who I saw."

Lisa ran her hand through her long blonde hair and raised and interest eyebrow, before taking a sip of her butter beer.

"Who? That John kid?" Lisa asked with concern, noticing the urgency in Susan's voice.

Susan sighed and shook her head.

Remus tensed, "Did you see that boy?" Remus asked protectively, lightly placing his hand on Susan's knee.

Ron, Cedric and Hermione looked at Susan confused.

"No!" She said loudly, "Lisa I saw Nymphadora!"

Lisa looked shocked and slammed her mug down onto the wooden table.

"Eww, why was she here in Hogsmeade?" Lisa asked, her voice filled with as much contempt as Susan's.

"She said she was shopping, but who cares. I mean I know I don't," Susan said sardonically.

Remus looked at Susan strangely. She had told him about her contempt for Tonks in the fall, but he found it rather disappointing that she was still fervent about it. Sometimes he forgot that Susan really was still a child.

"Surely she is not that bad," Remus said, pipping into the conversation.

Lisa laughed, almost chocking on her drink.

"Yes, I may be biased, but sir, she really is not what you would call a sweet heart," Lisa said earnestly.

Remus shrugged his shoulder, and took a drink of his butter beer.

"Well, maybe you should be the more mature one Susan. Try and be civil with her," Remus offered and lightly squeezed her knee before retracting his hand from under the table.

Susan said nothing, but looked around the packed pub. Loads of Hogwarts students filled the area, along with groups of local residents enjoying a drink with their friends. But of course, while she was enjoying her time with Remus, Lisa and her other new friends she noticed Tonks enter _The Three Broomsticks. _

"Fuck," Susan muttered under her breath, and turned around to face the table.

She looked nervously up at Remus, who caught her gaze and smiled at her warmly.

"So, did any of you guys do any Christmas shopping?" Susan asked, hoping to distract herself from Tonks.

Lisa nodded and began to speak, but stopped abruptly.

"Bloody hell," she said quickly and leaned over the table, "She's here."

Susan sighed and gave Remus an ambivalent look.

"Oi, Tonks!" Lisa hollered at Tonks who spun around to look at Lisa.

Tonks looked annoyed, but approached the table, happy to combat with Susan.

"What do you want Sellers?" Tonks asked, facing Susan's back.

Lisa winked at Susan, then spoke.

"So, it looks like your following Susan, eh?" Lisa asked tauntingly, and Susan burned with embarrassment.

"Is that what you think Susi-Q?" Tonks asked Susan sharply, patting Susan's shoulder.

Susan turned to face her and shook her head.

"No, Tonks. Truly I don't really care," Susan said evenly, and Tonks shrugged.

"It's not like you to back down so easily."

Susan bit her lip and looked at Remus, who was examining their confrontation, then looked back at Tonks.

"Well, like I said, I've changed," Susan said solemnly, and stood up.

Tonks backed away and left to go sit with a friend she was to meet later for a drink, whilst Susan grabbed her box of pastries and put her coat back on.

"Uh, well, it was fun seeing you all," Susan said, as she pushed her chair in.

"Are you leaving?" Hermione asked, and Susan nodded.

"Have a wonderful Christmas Ron and Hermione. I have to go pack, because I leave tomorrow morning," she said and waved good-bye to the table.

Remus watched Susan walk out of the pub slowly and quickly jumped to his feet.

"I should go too," he said wrapping her grey, wool scarf around his neck, "I still have some papers to grade."

Lisa looked at him with an amused expression.

"Oh yeah?" She asked jokingly, though Remus did not find it humorous.

"Yes," he said seriously, clearly oblivious to Lisa's knowledge of his and Susan's relationship.

"Well, have a nice holiday, sir," Lisa said kindly, as Remus smiled and walked out of the pub.

--------

"Susan!" Remus called as he quickly trekked behind her.

Susan had almost neared the castle before he caught up with her. He noticed she still carried the large pink box and that she was moving slowly, presumably enjoying her solitude.

"Professor?" Susan asked as she turned around to see him.

Remus smiled at her, but refrained from touching her.

"Susan, you're leaving tomorrow?" He asked sadly.

Susan nodded and shifted her weight to her left foot, slouching a bit.

"Unfortunately, but Remus come to my house on Christmas Eve. All you have to do is dress relatively nice and come to my home. I can owl you if you like and we don't even really have to dance. Then we can talk from there and hopefully set up a date where we can meet in the city?" Susan said, offering her plan for the holidays.

Remus pursed his lips and stared at the ground below him.

"How about we stay in-touch Susan," Remus said slowly, watching Susan carefully.

She tried not to look too disappointed, though she really wanted to be with him over break. Quickly she looked around them; no one was there. So, she kissed him on the lips.

"That's fine," she said after backing away quickly, "We can owl each other and figure out the rest of our plans."

Remus began to walk towards the courtyard of the castle, and Susan followed. A group of dementors, the Azkaban guards, lined the inner walls of the yard and Susan walked as quickly as she could past them. Remus noticed her fright and followed close behind her, taking her hand as the entered the outdoor corridor.

"Those bloody things are almost as scary as him," Susan said squeezing Remus's hand tightly.

He furrowed his eyebrow as he looked at her; her face had gone pale and lip was quivering with fear.

"Susan," Remus said calmly, "Don't worry about Sirius Black, okay? I- I promise he won't hurt you."

Susan looked up at him and shrugged her shoulders.

"Yes, well I hope that's true," Susan said, then hugged Remus.

He hugged her back, and tucked them away into a crevice in the corridor.

"Remus," Susan said playfully, as he lead her into the secluded cubby, "I'm sure people can still see us."

Remus chuckled and kissed her lips. "We'll make this quick then," he said into between pecks.

Susan smiled as he kissed her, but relaxed into his kiss and kissed him back. Slowly she wrapped her arm around his bundled neck, pulling him closer to her, whilst he grabbed her waist.

Susan pushed Remus away. "Did you hear that?" She asked, hearing the sound of footsteps.

Remus shook his head and kissed down her warm neck, pushing her scarf away with his cold hands.

She squirmed, trying to release herself from his kiss, but it did not.

"No, really Remus," she said looking him in the eyes, "I have to go."

Remus frowned and kissed her one last time on the lips. Susan smiled and kissed his cheek, before peaking her head outside of the crevice in the corridor.

"It is clear?" Remus asked, as he walked him fingers up the back of her leg.

Susan laughed and shook her head. "Yes, but hurry."

The two scampered out of the nook quickly and Susan lightly nudged Remus on the arm.

"That tickled," she said referring to him touching her leg.

Remus chortled. "Well, you should go pack then," Remus said seriously.

Susan nodded and quickly saluted him.

"Yes, sir," she said and winked at him before she scurried off with her large pink box.

Remus watched her walk away, and his smile turned into a frown. For as much as he liked her, probably loved her, Susan so was young. Seventeen, sixteen years is a lot of time, and the truth was that Susan had a lot of growing-up still, and hopefully he could help her grow.

* * *

**The next two or three chapters will be the legit (ew i can't believe I just used that word) Christmas chapters. If you have any suggestions or are dying for something to happen just tell me in a review or message! I'm willing to please you, my lovely reader.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter and would love to hear your thoughts on it — feedback always motivates me to write :) Thank you for the reviews on the past couple chapters and I hope you all had a wonderful Easter! (but don't eat too much chocolate like I have)**

**love, teawithme**

**p.s. I'm still curious to know what you all think Susan looks like, so please tell me :) & if you read my story 'High Fidelity' you might be interested in going to my profile and taking my poll!**


	16. Home is—

Home is...

----------

Susan laid crying in her bed. Her laments could be heard from the opening of her bedroom window, though there was nobody there to her them. For the past five nights Susan cried herself to sleep—if you could even call it sleep—in fear of quaint desperation, or what Julia, her mother, called Jack Lanyon.

She met him the instant she stepped off of the Hogwarts Express—a piece of home she was not ready to leave—and loathed his presence since.

He was an austere man, though he had an aggressive vibe, but of course Julia saw only good in him. Moreover, Susan saw only bad.

He was tall and thin, though he did not look mousy, instead he seemed athletic; he played Quidditch perhaps. His eyes looked like dark-chocolate morsels and his head was adorned with thick, brown hair. That was about all Susan knew about him, or wanted to know about him. She had eaten dinner with her mother and Jack every night, but spent most of her day in her room reading, or in the town close to her home in Surrey.

But not only did Susan feel uncomfortable around Jack, she was anxious about Remus. The ball was on Christmas Eve, which was only one day away, and Remus had not sounded confident in any of his letters to her that he would come.

His letters though, they brought her some peace of mind.

Remus filled his letters with humorous anecdotes, and kind words to help cope with her situation, for he knew she dreaded her vacation.

Lying in bed Susan wiped her wet eyes and running nose and prayed. She prayed that her mother would come to her senses and that Remus would come to her rescue. But as she looked out of her bedroom window her heart sunk; the moon was growing—it was almost a full sphere.

Susan shut her eyes tightly in attempt to shield her eyes from the silvery light that spilled into her window. The moon had always been quite beautiful to her, but at that moment Susan was filled with contempt for the object that served as hell for Remus; for werewolves in general. Her feelings only made her yearn for Remus more though, just to hold him was all that she wanted.

----------

Susan awoke in a cold sweat, though she had not the slightest idea why. She had not had a nightmare, nor was she awoken by anyone. She groped frantically for the glass of water on her nightstand and sat up, trying to calm her breathing. The sky was a light purple outside of her window, and she could hear the song birds in the pine tree.

Sitting in her bed quietly, Susan heard the faint sound of someone talking. Having caught her breath, and having regained her composure, Susan stepped out of bed. She tied her mess of brown hair into a bun close to her neck and exited her room.

The sound was coming from her father's old parlor, which sat adjacent to her room. Walking on the soft pads of her feet Susan approached the door and put her ear close to the small crack.

"_Right, well tell them to come tonight then," _the voice of Jack Lanyon said to the anonymous person on the other line.

"_Yes, Julia is a pure-blood, why? She's quite passive, therefore you have nothing to worry about." _

Susan furrowed her eyebrow, as she listened to the conversation.

"_No, you can not have him come. I told Julia I would keep him away, besides her daughter's here," _Jack said boldly, his voice was getting louder.

"_Yes, I am going to ask her tonight, so I do not want anything too drastic to happen. Tell the others they can come, but if anything happens they'll all be fucked." _

Susan shook her head in confusion. The broken conversation was not exactly what she had wanted to hear, for it sounded dangerously pretentious.

"_Good. I will see you tonight at seven," _Jack Lanyon said and the conversation stopped.

Susan stood frozen by the door until she heard a loud slap from inside of the parlor. She quickly jumped and ran back into her room. Her door clicked quietly as it shut, but she heard the steps of Jack Lanyon pass her room.

Susan held her breath, as she slowly walked to her bed. The sun was just peaking over the horizon, as she looked out of her window, and her room was filled with a soft glow. But a cold draft spilled into her room from the creaks in her window, sending her into a cold and confused abyss.

----------

"Susan, love, please wake up!" Julia said, as she entered Susan's bedroom.

Susan opened an eye to look at her mother, but quickly shut it. The sun had fully risen and the reflection of the snow outside of her window blinded her eyes.

"But I want to sleep longer, mum," Susan said, while covering her face with her duvet.

Julia sighed, and pulled the covers off of Susan, leaving her only in her thin night gown.

"Susan, it is already twelve. You have only six hours until you have to be fully dressed for tonight," Julia said, as she looked at Susan sternly.

Susan rolled her eyes and plopped out of her bed. She unwound the bun that laid loosely by her neck, and headed for her bathroom door.

"Susan wait," Julia said, as she organized the objects on Susan's nightstand.

"Hmm?" Susan asked, lazily leaning against the bathroom door.

"Are any of your friends coming?" Julia asked.

Susan shook her head, knowing that she would have to pretend Remus was a stranger that was invited by another guest if he came.

"No, not this year."

Julia shrugged her shoulder.

"Alright, well your dress is hanging in your closet, when your ready for it."

Susan nodded and watched her mother exit her room, before entering her bathroom.

Slipping off her night gown, Susan stepped into her bath, and turned the faucet on with her toes. Warm water enveloped her body and she relaxed into the foaming bubbles. The calm fragrance of lavender played across the chasm of the tub; it was laced into the bubbles.

Susan sighed, and turned off the water as it met her breast. The conversation she had overheard earlier replayed itself in her head, though she did not know what it meant.

"_Right, well tell them to come tonight then," the voice of Jack Lanyon said to the anonymous person on the other line. _

"_Yes, Julia is a pure-blood, why? She's quite passive, therefore you have nothing to worry about." _

"_No, you can not have him come. I told Julia I would keep him away, besides her daughter's here," Jack said boldly, his voice was getting louder. _

"_Yes, I am going to ask her tonight, so I do not want anything too drastic to happen. Tell the others they can come, but if anything happens they'll all be fucked." _

"_Good. I will see you tonight at seven," Jack Lanyon said and the conversation stopped._

Jack was right, Julia was passive, though Susan did not know why that mattered. He had been trying to persuade someone into coming, or he was trying to affirm the credentials of his new 'partner.' Whatever it was he was talking about Susan felt uneasy about it. Especially because he mentioned her;_ he told Julia he would keep him away_. The only person Susan could think of was Fenrir; he was the only person Susan was truly worried about, well him and Jack.

Susan plunged her head under the hot water, trying to rid of her confusion. But who would be trying to bring Fenrir Greyback to a party? She had not the slightest idea, and she did not want to concern herself with his matters.

* * *

"Mum, please help me zip my dress," Susan said to her mom, as she slipped on her gown.

Julia, who was already dressed in an elaborate plum color dress, nodded her head vigorously.

"Susan, darling, you look wonderful in this dress," she said looking at Susan, who stood holding the dress up to herself in the mirror.

Susan smiled to herself, "Yes, it was a good pick mom."

Julia had bought Susan her gown in Paris over the summer. It was silk, strapless gown with an empire waistline that hosted a blush bodice that was beaded with gold. The flowing skirt below the cinched waist was a blush color that contrasted greatly with Susan's dark brown hair.

"Alright, put it on then," Julia demanded euphorically, she was anxious to see the dress on Susan.

Susan stepped into the dress and held the neckline to her breast, whilst Julia zipped the silk fabric together.

"What do you think?" Susan asked, looking at herself in the mirror—quite pleased with how she looked.

Julia turned to look at Susan from the front with a euphoric smile.

"You look stunning," she said simply.

Susan nodded and watched her mother as she searched for her wand.

"What are you looking for?" Susan asked, toying with the neckline of her dress.

Julia bit her lip and looked at Susan, "I need to find—oh, here it is," she exclaimed and grabbed her wand.

Susan raised an eyebrow, but dismissed her mother's quirk.

"So, how do you want your hair?" Julia asked Susan, who perked up at the question.

Susan thought for a moment, "Um, how about a loose curls."

Julia nodded in agreement and casted a quick charm on Susan's hair. In an instant Susan's hair fell in large barrel curls that cascaded down her back.

"Those are perfect," Julia commented and grabbed a pair of pearl earring from her bathroom counter.

"Wear these too," she said handing the studs to Susan.

Susan beamed at her appearance in the mirror and quickly put in the earrings.

"Am I good?" She asked.

Julia nodded, as she fondly looked at her daughter.

"I like how you did your makeup too. It's subtle, yet very flattering," she commented.

Slipping on a pair of golden flats, Susan made her way to leave the bathroom, but Julia stopped her.

"Perhaps, you'll meet Jack's son," she said as a second thought, as Susan began to leave.

Susan stopped and turned to look at her mother, "Jack has a son?"

Julia laughed, "Yes, of course. I thought you've already met him."

Susan shook her head. "When would I have meet him? He has not been to the house."

"Oh, no not here," she said quickly, "He said he met you at a bakery in Hogsmeade."

Susan thought for a moment, but then it clicked and her checks turned a fervent shade of red.

"Dylan?" Susan asked, "Was he spying on me?"

Julia laughed again. "Of course not, Susan. He works there, although he did say he saw you walking with a man," she said casually.

Susan gaped at her mother and shook her head.

"I with not with any man," Susan said, then turned to leave.

----------

Susan's heart raced as she sat on the edge of her bed. It was quarter to seven and guests were already arriving downstairs in the ballroom. She could hear them laughing a sharing stories in the foyer, though she was not ready to make an appearance; she was too nervous.

Had she know that by some chance that Jack had a son perhaps she would have been more careful about her trips to public places, but she did not remember being alone with Remus in Hogsmeade. But had Dylan seen them somehow Susan knew that should could not take the chance of him showing up at the ball, at least not undisguised.

Susan stepped off of her bed and grabbed her wand from her nightstand. She had to be on guard for Remus, even if he did not show up. She could not take the chances of him or her being caught together. In fact, the idea of her inviting him sounded more and more ridiculous as she thought about it. Although, just to see him would make her much better. Much better about everything from Jack to her mother, or even better about their relationship. It would show her he cared about her as much as she cared about him.

----------

"Hello, Susan," Dylan Lanyon greeted her, as she stood waiting in the foyer for Remus, if he showed up.

Susan looked at him strange, but decided to be polite.

"Hello, Dylan," she said meekly

"So," he said awkwardly standing next to her, whilst taking a look at her dress, "You've met my father."

Susan laughed at the memory that he was Jack's son. "Oh, yes I have met your father."

He grinned at her. "Do you like him?"

Susan shrugged her shoulder.

"I'm indifferent," she said smiling at him cheekily.

Numerous guests filed in through the door, as Susan stood waiting for Remus, but none of them recognized Susan, besides Dylan.

"So, that means no, correct?" He asked her and she nodded guiltily.

He raised his eye brow playfully and Susan rolled her eyes.

"Sorry, but he's just too austere, yet aggressive."

"Aggressive?" Dylan asked interestedly, "I have never heard someone describe my father as aggressive."

Susan nodded.

"Yes, well at first glance you wouldn't, but I heard him talking to someone and I guess you could say it was not a quaint conversation. Plus, he seems sneaky," Susan said stubbornly.

Dylan laughed at Susan's dislike. "Alright then, I guess that means you'll just have to dance with me."

"No, I am sorry, but I can't," She said pressing her back firmly against the wall, whilst folding her arms in front of her chest.

"And why is that?" He asked, begging the question.

She eyed him grimly, "Because I don't want to, and you're spreading rumors about me."

Dylan gaped at her.

"Rumors? What rumors?"

"Ones about me being with a man?" Susan said loudly, with much accusation.

Dylan thought for a moment, then smiled.

"Alright, well I did say that-"

"-Right, so I will not dance with you then." Susan said sternly, pointing for Dylan to leave.

"Fine, I'll leave, but don't think I will let you get away this easy," He said smirking at her, as he walked out of the foyer and into the ballroom.

----------

Susan could hear the loud music of the live symphony from where she was standing. She tapped her toe accordingly to the beat, as she waited for Remus to arrive, though she was beginning to think he would not come. Part of her wished he would not, so they would not have to worry about him being recognized, whilst her more self part begged for his presence. It was almost eight, most of the guests had arrived and dinner would be staring any moment, but Susan still stood firmly in place; waiting for him.

The music stopped in the ballroom and the sound of chairs and tables moving sounded through the foyer. Susan could hear her mother talking, thanking all of the guests for coming. She listened intently to her mother's speech and heard the claps that were made for her at the end, and Susan smiled.

Susan quickly turned her head, as she heard the entrance door open. She waitied, looking to see the person, though no one walked through the door. Curiously she approched the door and smiled jovially as she saw Remus bent over to pick up a flower he had dropped.

"Remus!"

* * *

Yes, I know it was short, but the next chapter is going to be long and exciting! Sorry I haven't updated in thirteen days, that's a new record for me. Things have been really busy; we have family visiting, I have loads of homework, sports, and friends to hang out with, but I digress.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I look forward to your comments (thank you for all of the review, I really appreciate them). If you have and suggestions please do tell me and have a nice weekend :)

love, teawithme


	17. When I'm Alone With You

...When I'm Alone With You

* * *

Susan ran—as fast as she could in her dress—towards Remus, who, like she had fantasized about, stood in the door way with a flower, waiting for her.

Remus embraced Susan as her body met his, pulling her close to him. The warmth of his body kept her bare arms from the cold as they stood in the frigid door way. Susan's eyes began to water, as she clung to his shoulders—wanting nothing more than to be near him.

Wiping her eyes quickly, Susan stepped away from Remus and shut the door behind them.

"I am so happy you came," she said gazing at him with a euphoric smile.

Remus stepped closer to Susan, and observed her appearance. "Susan, you look more beautiful, than any women I have ever seen."

Susan blushed and blinked the moisture from her eyes, as wave of pride and confidence surged through her veins when he called her a woman. But Susan realized their homecoming would have to be cut short.

"Remus," she said slowly, as she took his left hand in hers, "I am so happy you're here, but we have an issue," she said solemnly, leading him through the foyer to a more private place.

Remus looked at her strangely, unaware of their problem, but was not phased. She brought him into the small study by the entrance, and his eyes traveled curiously across the grandiose home Susan lived in.

"You never told me you lived in a mansion," Remus said lightly, as the two entered the room.

Susan chortled and let go of Remus's hand.

"Well, I don't usually talk to people about my family life," she said leaning against an oak card table that was placed squarely in the center of the room.

Remus grinned at her.

"Susan, this is for you," he said handing her a single coral rose.

Susan took the flower, and traced the soft petals with her finger tips, then looked at Remus.

"Why a coral rose?" She asked curiously, knowing that Remus would have a reason for which flower he gave her.

Remus thought for a moment, "Well, you see, traditionally the coral rose symbolizes desire; but that's not why I choose it. I mean it's not that I don't desire you, but I just thought that it was beautiful, compassionate, and jovial like you," he said with a slight blush.

Susan rushed towards him, and softly kissed his lips.

Remus put his arms around Susan's small waist and pulled her closer to him, kissing her deeply. Had she been able to stay like that forever, she would have done it, but she could hear the hum of the string quartet in the formal dining room—the dinner had begun.

"Wait," Susan said unwillingly, as she pulled away from Remus.

"You need to change your appearance," Susan said calmly.

Remus stared at Susan, who stood hopelessly in front of him. He looked down at his shirt— suddenly self-conscious—then gave Susan a hurt expression.

"Am I allowed to inquire why?" He asked.

Susan sighed, but nodded; it was only fair that he was given an explanation.

"It's a long story Remus, but basically Jack Lanyon has a son, who works in Hogsmeade and he saw me with you, though I don't know that he really did. Therefore, since there is a chance that he may have seen you and I, you really can't be here because my mother can not know about us yet," Susan said quickly.

Remus continued to look at her, though his thoughts were far from the matter of his appearance. Instead he was thinking of Susan, and how beautiful she looked in her dress, and how he would love to be able to just touch her.

Susan bit her lip as she watched Remus's reaction, which like usual, was tolerant, though she was unaware of what he would say.

"Alright," Remus said grabbing his wand from his pocket and eyeing Susan with slight disproval.

"I'm sorry Remus, you look extremely handsome in your tuxedo, but we can't take the chance now. Though I know this is my fault it just need you to bare with me," Susan said apologetically, however, she was curious to see what he would look like with an aging charm.

Remus looked down at his suit and smiled proudly at Susan.

"Thank you, love," he said kissing her quickly on the lips, then tapping the tip of his wand across his chest Remus looked ten years younger.

Susan stepped back from Remus, as his body transfigured itself, and smiled at the outcome.

"Remus," she said happily, "You're still so good looking."

Remus looked at her awkwardly, hoping that Susan would not become too attached to his younger figure, but felt good, confident in his old body.

"Yes, well thank you Susan, but the charm will only hold for about three hours," Remus said looking at the watch he wore on his left wrist.

"So, we have until around eleven thirty?" Susan asked, still observing the old Remus. He looked relatively the same though, his hair was much less dull, the color of his skin was less luminous and more tan, whilst the rest of his face looked less aged.

"Right, then we should hurry up, but one question," Susan said talking Remus's hand again.

He turned to look at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Did you have many girl friends when you were young?" She asked cheekily.

Remus tried to smile, but shook his head.

"No, not many people are like you Susan," he said squeezing her hand.

She looked up at him fondly, and brought his hand to her mouth, kissing it quickly. The sound of music filled their ears as they neared the large oak doors that barred them from the austere party. Susan looked up at Remus quickly, then grasped the golden handle and entered the party.

* * *

Dylan stood in front of the crowd of people in the ballroom. Around two hundred guests had come—all dressed in eloquent designer gowns and all were as stiff as their collars. The young man searched the crowd and eyed Susan, who had her arm draped across Remus's back.

"Good evening everyone," he said speaking with a robust voice.

Susan raised an eyebrow at his speech, and he kept glancing at her.

"I would like to dedicate a song to my father, Jack Lanyon, and his lovely partner, Julia Thoits," Dylan said and quickly flicked his wand.

Remus looked down at Susan, "Why does he keep looking at you?"

Susan shook her head, as she listened to the music. A soft, slow ballad sounded through the hall, and she saw her mother smile broadly at Jack before waltzing across the floor with him.

_Wise men say, 'Only fools rush in', but I can't help falling in love with you. _

Susan reverted her attention back to Remus, and grabbed his hand; joining the dance.

_Shall I stay, would it be a sin? If I can't help falling in love with you. _

Remus smiled to himself, as he held Susan close to his body and swayed peacefully to the calming music.

_Like a river flows, surely to the sea. Darling so it goes, something are meant to be. _

Nostalgia overtook Susan, as she listened to the music. It was the song that her father would sing to her as a child; the reason she herself loved music. It was a muggle song, but was as captivating as the works of any song she had heard in the wizardry world.

_Take my hand. Take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you._..

The music abruptly stopped, and everyone looked around.

"First, I would like to thank you all for coming this evening," the voice of Jack Lanyon said loudly.

"And I would like to take this moment to do something very special," he said capturing all of the attention around him.

Susan searched the floor for where he was standing, and hurriedly pulled Remus over to the center of the room. But it was too late. Just as she caught sight of her mother's lover he had already done it.

"Julia, will you marry me?" He asked, as she ascended onto one knee.

Susan's hands began to shake and her heart raced, as she watched her mother in formidable shock.

The expression her mother held was unreadable. Tears streamed down her cheeks and her lips were in a straight line, which direction they would curve, God only knew.

Remus watched the situation with as much shock as Susan, and he subconsciously stroked her shoulder soothingly.

"Yes!" Julia screamed gallantly, and the whole ballroom burst into cheers.

The austere mood of the occasion had shifted to a gregarious celebration, but Susan felt as if she was in a desolate room, filled with nothing. Her sight began to blur and hands began to shake uncontrollably.

"I need to leave," she said to Remus quickly between sobs.

* * *

He looked at her worriedly, as the music began to play again. She weaved her way through the crowd and disappeared through the large oak doors. He followed accordingly.

"I'm leaving," Susan said, whilst she magically packed all of her belongings into her trunk.

Remus looked at her sadly—his appearance was now back to normal and his face was hardened with age—he never wanted to see her like this.

"Susan, are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Remus asked anxiously, as he watched her pack all of her things.

Susan looked at him ardently and flung a handful of clothing into her trunk.

"Yes," Susan shouted at him, though her voice broke into sobs.

"I am leaving right now," she said using a shrinking spell on her trunk and placing it into her hand.

"Susan, you're still wearing your dress," Remus said observing Susan's state.

Susan shrugged her shoulder and grabbed a jacket from her closet.

"Look Remus, you don't have to come with me if you don't want, and you may not approve of my reaction, but you don't understand. Surely I could be mature about this and accept what is happening, but I can't repress my emotions any longer. I'm fuming right now and I need to leave this wretched house." Susan said hooking her satchel around her neck and shoulder, and placing her trunk into the main pocket.

Remus covered his face with his hands and nodded in understanding.

"Come," he said placing a hand on her back and pulling her to his chest.

"We can go to _The Leaky Cauldron _or something," Remus said lifting Susan's chin, and kissing her cheek quickly.

"Does that sound alright?" He asked and Susan nodded, as she clung to him.

* * *

"Good evening," Remus said kindly to the woman at the check-in desk.

The middle aged woman looked up at him, vaguely interested in having to work, and raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's almost good morning," she said dully, as she reverted her attention to an old edition of _Witch Weekly_.

Remus looked at the watch on his hand; it was quarter to twelve.

He gave an apologetic look to the woman, who clearly wanted to go home, but he did not blame her it was Christmas Eve.

"Hmm, I guess you're right. Do you have any rooms open?" He asked, looking nervously behind him.

The woman sighed, as she flipped the page of the magazine and nodded.

"Yup, it will be fifty galleons," she said scratching some illegible words onto a piece of wrinkled parchment, then grabbed an old key from a desk drawer.

"You take vault numbers, correct?" Remus asked, referring to the debit system most wizardry businesses offered.

The woman looked at Remus coldly and nodded.

"Great, than here is my number," he said writing his three digit number on a piece of charted parchment.

The woman examined Remus's writing, then handed him the room key.

"Thank you so much and have a nice holiday," he said smiling at her warmly.

Susan, who was still upset about her mothers engagement, stood waiting for Remus near the stairs. She nervously picked at her pink finger nails, and looked wearily at the setting around her. _The Leaky Cauldron _had been home to her once, though she never was too fond of it. The grim edifice made her anxious.

* * *

Remus opened the antique, wood door to the room cold room. Susan stood close to him, and watched his careful movements. She spoke no words, nor made any sound, but cried silently—taking special care to wipe her visible tears.

Remus entered the room with Susan close behind him, and he walked to the window to look at their view, or lack there of. While Susan stood near the large wooden bed post; her mind deep in thought.

She was again worried, and the anxious feelings were beseeching her moral for something less human. She felt vulnerable. Vulnerable, because she could not control the choices of the people that decided her fate. Perhaps, she would defy them and decide her own, but she too distraught. The dark make-up that had covered her lashes ran sadly down her cheeks and under her eyes, whilst her soft curls had fallen into slightly swooping pieces of hair.

"Susan," Remus said interrupting her thoughts.

She slightly jumped, but quickly looked at him, wiping her leaking eyes.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to talk about anything?" He asked, unsure of what he could do to help her.

Susan shook her head and sat on the edge of the double bed, slipping off her shoes.

Remus sat beside her, "You seem tired," he said placing a hand on her shoulder.

"I am," she said leaning into her body.

"Why don't you go change, then go to bed," Remus offered, moving his hand down her arm and to her waist.

"Do you mind if I shower?" She asked standing up and taking off her coat.

Remus shook his head and remained on the bed.

"Of course not," he said watching Susan as she enlarged her trunk and took out her nightgown.

"Remus," Susan said turning to look at him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes wet.

"Yes?" He asked kindly.

She bit her lip nervously, "Can you unzip my dress?"

Remus laughed nervously, but complied. He stood and found the small, metal zipper on the back of her dress and unzipped the teeth all of the way down her back. The fabric parted as her pulled the zipper down, and hung loosely around her sides.

"Thank you," Susan said, holding the top of her dress to her breast securely, and walking quickly into the bathroom.

* * *

Susan walked out of the bathroom with wet hair and a white nightgown on. She had cried in the shower, but could not frown any longer.

Placing her dress on top of her trunk, Susan tip-toed across the floor, careful to not wake Remus. Remus was laying down on the double bed still in his dress pants and shirt—presumably sleeping.

"Remus," Susan whispered softly, but he did not stir.

Slowly Susan walked over to the other side of the bed, and lightly crawled onto the plush mattress. Her tense muscles relaxed into the comfortable sheets and her eyes threatened to shut as she laid down.

"Susan?" Remus asked, stirring and turning to look at her.

"Yes?" She asked laying on her side.

Remus sighed—his mind still asleep—and moved closer to her. Susan watched him inch across the bed and felt as if butterflies had filled her stomach.

"Are you comfortable with us sharing a bed?" He asked unsurely.

Susan laughed and nodded her head quickly, "Of course I am."

"Good."

Susan smiled at Remus, who laid beside her, and traced the buttons of his shirt.

"Shouldn't you get out of these clothes?" Susan asked, slipping the top button out of it's hole.

Remus sat up and looked at Susan.

"No, it's fine I can sleep in this," he said pushing her hand away from his chest.

Susan gaped at him, "No you can't."

"Susan I don't have any other clothes with me," he said looking at her sternly.

She rolled her eyes and situated herself in front of him.

"Do you have an undershirt on?" She asked quizzically.

"Yes," he said dully.

Susan smirked at him and slipped the second button on his shirt out of it's whole.

"Do you have boxers on?" She asked eyeing the length of his body.

Remus thought for a moment, "No, I don't think so."

Susan smiled again and laughed at his blush.

"Do you have briefs on?"

"Yes," he said quickly kissing the tip of her nose.

"So, we're good then," Susan said quickly unbuttoning the rest of his shirt.

Remus shrugged his shoulder and watched as Susan carefully touched his body. It was dangerously close to the full moon, and he could tell that she was aware. He had not been particularly aggressive, but his gaze had been lustful.

"I'll let you take your pants off," Susan said jokingly, as she finished with his shirt.

"Thank you," he said, and quickly crawled off of the bed to unbutton his trousers.

Susan held her breath and watched the black fabric that had covered his legs dropped to the floor. Her heart began to race and her breath began to pick up, as he turned to face her.

"We should go to bed," Remus said, as he quickly went underneath the sheets.

Susan sat cross legged on top of the bed, thinking for a moment, then crawled next to Remus.

"You're going to bed already?" She asked, laying atop the covers.

"What else did you have in mind, Susan? It's already twelve thirty," Remus said yawning.

She grinned at him mischievously.

"Well," Susan said running a hand through her damp hair and relaxing into the top of the white sheets next to Remus.

"You know you've only kissed me once today," Susan said musingly.

"Only once?" He asked, and turned onto his side to look at her face.

She gave him a warningly look.

"Only once."

"Well, that's a sin, is it not?" He asked, looking her in the eyes and knowing what she wanted.

"I'd say so."

Remus laughed and breathed on Susan's neck, which was conveniently close to his mouth. She gave a soft sighed and leaned into his warmth, feeling the tingle of his lips on her skin. Remus kissed up her neck to the crook of her ear, where he slowly licked the delicate skin. Susan gasped and a chill of shivers raced down her spine, causing her hands to grope for something to touch.

Susan ran her hand through Remus's hair and pulled his lips to her own. He met her lips with an urgency she had yet experienced. They quickly parted their lips in allowance to explore each other, whilst Remus's hands explored Susan's thighs, pulling her across his lap.

"Get out of the covers," Susan demanded, as she tugged at the white sheets that covered Remus's body and he complied.

The thin white fabric of her night gown was hiked up above her waist, as Susan crawled back onto Remus's lap. This time Susan took the liberty of his exposed skin—kissing up his neck and taking special care to nibbled on the lob of his ear.

The moist touch of Susan's mouth on Remus's ear ignited him, and his emotions unraveled. Roughly he pushed Susan off of his lap and onto the soft bed, pinning his body atop of her own.

"Wait," Susan said as Remus's hand traveled up her thigh, and Remus suddenly stopped.

It was like he had been in a trance, and unsure of what exactly he was doing. He recoiled from his spot and sat ashamed on the side of the bed.

Susan's face fell, as she realized what had happened.

"Remus," she said crawling across that bed to wrap her arms around him.

"I'm so sorry," he said, holding his head in his hands.

"Please," she said soothingly rubbing his back, "Don't be sorry, Remus. Truthfully I want it, but it's not the time."

Remus looked at Susan, who looked at him sheepishly, and Remus nodded in agreement.

"Here," he said prompting her to sit up.

Susan hopped off of the bed and pulled down her nightgown, while Remus pulled the sheets of the bed half way down.

"Let me just hold you," he said grabbing her hand and guiding her onto the bed.

Susan smiled as she watched him situate himself under the sheets. There were faint white scars on his arms and she knew what they were from, and how her would feel about them, but she wanted to touch them.

"Can I touch your arm?" Susan asked unsurely.

Remus looked at her cautiously, but complied, "Sure."

Susan looked him in the eyes, then securely took his hand and traced a long white scar that trailed along his forearm with her soft finger. She could feel his muscles tense when she touched him, but she continued to explore his weathered body.

"How badly did they hurt?" She asked him, looking at a deep scar.

He sighed and thought for a moment.

"A lot," he said solemnly.

Susan let go of his hand and frowned.

"Susan, like I said I'm dangerous."

"No, you're not Remus. You're a wonderfully tender and tolerant man," Susan said moving her hand to her cheek, and kissing his lips.

Remus lightly pushed Susan's hand away, and looked her in the eyes.

"I just don't want to take you away from your family, from what you love." he said sadly.

Susan shook her head and laughed.

"Remus I don't want to be with my family..." she said quietly, "They're not what I love."

Remus pursed his lips.

"But you cannot jeopardize your home. Susan, your home is who you are," he said trying to rationalize with her.

"No," she said grabbing his hand again.

Remus sat up and stared at her. She sat crossed legged in front of him and squeezed his hand tightly. A sheet of brown hair fell in front of her face, covering her eyes. Remus slowly tucked the sheet of hair behind her ear and pulled her close to him.

"Remus," she said as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Hm?" He muttered into her ear, kissing it softly.

She swiveled in his arms and cupped his cheeks. Her brown eyes searched his face, comparing it to the younger face she had seen earlier. To Susan, Remus was beautiful. He was everything she had ever wanted in her seventeen years of life, though sometimes she questioned their age. Tracing his lips with her thumb her heart raced and she pushed her hand to the back of his neck.

"Home is when I'm alone with you," she whispered into his ear, and collapsed into his embrace.

* * *

**Damnnnnn, that took me long enough! Almost a month, can you believe it? I am so sorry I have not updated in such a long time, and I am sorry if this chapter was not fulfilling...but I hope you all enjoyed it!**

**I appreciate all of the hits I've been getting and you reviewers are the best. Like for real reviews inspire me to write : )**

**So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I look forward to read what you have to say! Again sorry for the slow updating, I promise I will update faster!**

**Love, teawithme**


	18. Oh, I Believe in Yesterday

Oh, I believe in Yesterday.

* * *

Susan awoke in Remus's arms—her long brown hair sprawled tousled across the white sheets of the cozy bed—as the soft, morning sun peaked through the dreary window curtains. She did not face Remus, instead, his hand was clasped securely across her hip and his constant breaths caressed her right shoulder. A smile formed upon her lips, as his rhythmic breaths lightly tickled her open skin, causing her to squirm slightly beneath his embrace.

A sigh escaped Remus's lips, and he pulled Susan closer to his body. Susan closed her eyes again, enjoying their closeness, and unable to refrain from seeing him she turned to face him. Carefully she shifted her body weight, but fell clumsily against his chest.

Another sigh escaped his chapped lips and his eyes fluttered open. Susan smiled, her fallen body still pressed against his chest, and lightly kissed his cheek.

"Good morning," she whispered into his ear, whilst running her hand through his sandy hair.

"Good morning," Remus whispered back into her ear.

Susan pushed herself off of his chest, and propped beside him on one of her elbows. Remus turned to face her, grabbed her left hand, and brought it to his lips to kiss it softly. Susan looked into his eyes—her heart swooning inside—and squeezed his hand.

"Happy Christmas," Remus said, as he remembered it was Christmas day.

Susan's eyes widened, and she quickly sat up in the bed. Her thoughts raced and her mind was unable to keep up. Three things stood out to her; she had forgotten the book she was going to give Remus at home, it was her first Christmas ever away from her family, and she still could not believe she had slept in the same bed as Remus.

"Susan—" Remus began, but she cut him off.

"Happy Christmas Remus," she said, jovially setting her thoughts aside.

Remus observed her behavior, knowing something was wrong, but played along with her. He sat up beside her and raised an eyebrow.

"So, what should we do today?"

Susan bit her lip—her mind deep in thought. What she really wanted to do was go and find Remus a thoughtful gift, but all shops were closed on the holiday. So, she pursed her lips scathingly and thought of what else she would want to do. Walk muggle London, go back to Hogwarts, stay in bed all day were among the things she thought would suit them best.

"Would it be bad if we laid in bed all day?" Susan asked, a cheeky smile plastered on her full lips. The strap of her nightgown trailed down her upper arm, incisively taunting Remus's desires.

Remus smirked and repositioned her lacy strap back onto her shoulder.

"I think that it would be appropriate for the morning at least," he said tracing strap with his calloused thumb.

Susan's smile eased and her eyes closed; his rough skin felt surprisingly soft and gentle against her own. Remus noticed her reaction and abruptly retracted his hand from her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" She asked, opening her eyes again and grabbing his hand.

He looked her in the eyes and shook his head.

"Nothing," he lied.

Susan raised a brow, as she traced the lines on his palm, then lousily dropped his hand.

Remus looked at her—his expression slightly annoyed—and raised his own more bushy brow at her.

"Why'd you do that?" He asked mimicking her her behaviors.

"No reason," she said with faux seriousness, but she could not suppress her smile.

Remus laughed and pulled her small frame to his body. She graciously wrapped her fair arms around his torso and buried her face into the crook of his warm neck. Remus rubbed small circles across her silky gown, the smooth fibers slipping beneath his coarse finger tips. A sigh of ecstasy sounded from her lips and she lifted her head to tenderly kiss his lips.

"I like it when you touch me," Susan muttered in between her kisses.

A sanguine blush spread across Remus's cheeks and Susan ran her long, thing fingers over his embarrassment.

"Are you blushing?" She asked.

Remus refuted her question, "No, it's just that the things you say Susan—they're so flattering."

"Flattering?"

Remus lifted her chin lightly with two fingers and kissed her lips, "You make me feel like quite the man."

A fit of laughter overtook Susan. She rolled across the bed, her stomach convulsing in excited spasms, as she gasped desperately for air.

"Susan?" Remus asked, his face even redder than before.

She shook her head at his call, and attempted to calm herself, but still smiled gallingly at him.

"Susan, what is so funny?"

"Oh, Remus," she said composing herself, and sitting up beside him.

He carefully pushed her capricious hair away from her face, and cradled her body to her chest.

"I'm glad I can make you feel like a man," Susan said softly into his ear, cupping his face her hands and kissing him chastely.

Remus grinned at her and kissed her back, but Susan pulled away.

"I only wish you'd let me feel like a woman," she said searching his sleepy face.

"What do you mean?" He asked, his face contorted in a confused way.

"You don't let me touch you," she cautiously.

"Well, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do," Remus said earnestly, his more protective side showing.

Susan looked at him harshly in the eyes.

"Yes, well you're a pretty competent man Remus. Therefore, you should know that I, Susan Thoits, would not do anything I did not want to do," she said meaningfully, her prose venomous.

Remus nodded in firm agreement.

"Yes, I do know that, but I also know that maybe we should not further our relationship this quickly," he said solemnly.

Susan continued to look him in the eye—a glint of hurt adorning her brown eyes—and nodded.

"Perhaps you're right," she said pensively.

"But know that I think I might really really like you," she said unsurely, while voiding eye-contact with him.

Remus sat still next to her—his chin clutched and his thoughts distraught.

Carefully, Susan glanced at Remus, but quickly looked away from him. His hair was messy and there was stubble growing around his mustache, but she still loved him. The scars that ferociously characterized his skin only gathered her adoring curiosity and helped her to appreciate the person he had become.

"Forget I said that," Susan said quickly, as she tried to change the subject.

"Tell me five things that I don't know about you."

Remus blinked several times before moving, then turned to look at Susan. She bit her lip apprehensively, waiting for what he had to say.

"Alright," he said clearing his throat.

"Five things that you don't know about me: by the time I was twenty-one all of my best friends were dead, it is hard for me to find a steady paying job, I am an only child, my favorite color is green, and I am enthralled with the muggle cinema. Now, tell me five things about you."

Susan sighed, but smiled at him slyly.

"Alright, let me think for a moment," she said chewing on her lip, "I don't really have any good friends, I have a fairly bad reputation among quite a few people in my year, being an auror is completely out of the question for me in my future, I wish my family was not wealthy, and I like dogs more than I like cats."

Remus listened to her with seriousness, but could not help but laugh.

"Is that true? You like dogs more?" He asked, smiling at her jokingly.

She nodded her head firmly.

"Yes, that statement is one hundred percent truthful."

"You do seem like a dog person, I mean, take myself for example," he said emphasizing the irony.

Susan kissed him quickly on the cheek, then hopped off of the pillowy bed. Remus watched her move swiftly across the small room; his mind wondering what happened to staying bed all morning.

Susan looked at Remus, and motioned for him to get out of bed.

"Come on, get dressed, because we're going into London," she said jovially.

Remus happily complied and hopped off of the bed to change.

* * *

"Do I ever look like myself?" Susan asked Remus.

He looked at her, as they walked down the cold muggle street and shook his head; her hair was an auburn color, her skin was pale, and she dressed in more formal attire.

"Not really."

She smiled up at him with her painted, red lips, "Good, but I should keep the glasses on, right?"

"Yes, that way I can do this," he said snaking his arm around her waist.

Susan wrapped her arm around his waist, and smiled at how perfectly they fit together. The two continued to walk down the street that was for the most part desolate, but strangely energized. Though the shops were practically all closed Christmas carols sounded throughout the streets, garlands of conifer branches hung from the gutters, and red bows adorned most lamp posts.

"Are you getting cold?" Remus asked Susan in regards to the brisk snowfall that surrounded them.

She nodded her head quickly, "Yes, perhaps we can find a small, cozy tea shop?"

Remus smiled warmly and pulled Susan closer to him, "Perhaps we shall."

Susan clicked her tongue and searched the street ahead of them for a shop. Her eyes narrowed through her faux spectacles and landed on a small shop a quarter of a mile ahead.

"Look Remus," she said pointing to a small shop on a corner, "I think that spot is open."

He nodded and followed Susan, as she took the lead. Her small, gloved hand clasped his own and pulled him down the street.

_A Quarter to Three _the sign read above the inviting shop.

"How clever," Remus said admiring the antique sign that was appliqued with victorian flowers.

Susan beamed at herself, and looked around the shop. Cobblestones aligned the store, the rustic windows were frosted from the cool air, and an enticing aroma could be smelt from outside of the entrance.

"It must be always be teatime here," she said approaching the front door.

A charming bell rang, as Susan and Remus entered the warm teashop.

"'Ello," a friendly voice greeted them from behind the counter, "Happy Christmas!"

Susan smiled at the young, muggle woman who stood readily by a stove.

"Happy Christmas," both Susan and Remus said together.

The muggle woman chortled at the sight, "Why is it that a lovely couple such as yourselves, are not at home with family at this hour?"

A crimson blush spread across Susan's cheeks, though she figured it was from the warm shop. Remus looked at Susan unsurely, but answered the you woman.

"We spent the night with our families and the frigid air has beckoned us for tea," he said, only partially lying.

The woman flashed her bright teeth in a genuine smile, "Alright, well what kind of tea do you fancy then?"

"What kind do you want Remus?" Susan asked him, her hand still gripping his.

He thought for a moment, and looked at the menu above the stovetop.

"Perhaps, chamomile with a hint of mint?" He asked Susan, who graciously nodded her head in approval.

"So, would you like a pot of that?" She asked, watching Susan's enthusiastic reaction to his offer.

"Yes, that would be wonderful," Remus said releasing Susan's hand to pull out a small pocket of money.

The woman pour a kettle full of water, and placed it on the gas range.

"How much will it be?" Remus asked—hoping he had enough pounds.

She eyed the couple with a straight face, but the edges of her lips twitched and blossomed into a smile.

"Oh, nothing dears. It's on the house," she said, shuffling through a drawer full of assorted teas.

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but the woman shook her head.

"Nothing you say will change my mind," she said happily.

Susan smiled as she watched Remus's reaction to the kindness, and leaned her head against him lovingly. He sighed defeatedly, and kissed Susan forehead quickly.

"If you'd like you two can find a seat," she said pointing to the poised sitting area, "I'll bring your tea when it's ready."

Susan smiled merrily and followed Remus to an antique, floral tea table.

"Look at how gorgeous this is," Susan said admiring the elaborate table top with her fingertips.

Remus nodded in agreement and observed the endearing trinkets that decorated their surroundings.

"If I dare say it, this shop is a lot nicer than _Madam Puddifoot's,_" Remus said with a laugh.

"Oh, easily," Susan agreed.

Remus nodded his head slowly, and looked outside the frosted window. Susan turned her head in the same direction, "What are you looking at ?"

Susan turned her attention to towards the counter, and saw the woman pouring the boiling water into a steeping kettle.

"Hello," the woman said, as she walked over.

Remus smiled fondly at her and cleared a spot on the table.

"Here is your tea, please enjoy," she said, and set the steaming kettle on the table.

Remus poured two cups of tea and handed a saucer to Susan.

"Thank you," she said sweetly, and immediately sipped the calming liquid.

They sat in silence for a moment, just enjoying themselves.

"Remus," Susan asked unsurely.

He raised an eyebrow in question, "Yes?"

"I do not want to bring up a sore issue, but I have a question," she said firmly.

"Okay go ahead."

"Earlier this morning, when you said by the time you were twenty-one all of your best friends were dead, what did you mean?" She asked quickly, watching his reaction intently.

Remus swallowed a hard gulp of tea, and shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Well, it means exactly what it sounds like," he said quietly.

Susan nodded, knowing it pained him to talk about it.

"I'm sorry, I should not have asked," she said barely above a whisper.

"No, it's fine. You see I went to school with Harry Potter's parents, Lily and James, and I saw good friends with Petter Pettegrew, and many other people that were murder during the first Wizardry War."

Susan's face fell, and she grabbed Remus's hand from across the table, "Again, I'm sorry."

"Susan, it's been a long time," he said, smiling lightly.

"I know, but still," she said sympathetically.

"But, that's not what you wanted to know, was it?" Remus asked Susan skeptically.

Susan's eyes widened defensively and she moved her hand away from his.

"Excuse me?" She asked, unsure if Remus was being accusatory, or picking fun.

Remus sighed, and pursed his thin lips.

"Yes, Susan, I was friends with Sirius Black," Remus said dryly.

Susan cooked her head sideways, unsure of Remus's behavior, "That was the farthest thing from my mind."

"Right, well now you know," he said ignoring her comment.

Susan shook her head in frustration, "I'm sorry, but did I miss something, Remus? Did I ask you about Sirius Black?"

"No, but Susan this is wrong," Remus said solemnly.

Susan looked around the room quickly, noticing that they were the only two in the shop, then let panic overtake her.

"Wait, what is wrong?" Susan asked, suddenly afraid to hear what he was going to say.

"Everything about this," Remus said placing his hands firmly on the table.

Susan eyed him clearly confused, "Please don't go on about this again."

Remus poured another cup of tea, but Susan pulled her cup away.

"It's just that you should be home with your mother, and I should be at Hogwarts Susan," Remus explained to her.

Susan huffed in frustration, "Remus I can't go home, and you know this! Why do you keep feeding this fire that clearly needs to die?"

Remus looked at Susan, who was on the verge of tears, and regretted bringing the topic up, but he felt responsible for her sadness. She watched him watch her, then covered her face with her hands—wishing she would not have asked him to join her for Christmas.

"Susan—" Remus began to say, but she held her hand up to stop him.

She slowly stood up, and buttoned up her green coat.

"I'm going back to Hogwarts, and I'm sorry about causing you so much trouble. Perhaps, you should not flatter yourself some much, and not take the blame for my misery," she said turning her back to him, and walking out of the teashop.

"Have a nice holiday," the young woman that worked behind the counter said, as Susan rushed out of the shop.

"Is she alright?" The woman asked Remus, who shook his head sadly.

The woman worriedly clasped her hands together, and clicked on the vintage radio she had on her counter.—hoping it would cure the awkwardness.

_Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Not it looks as though they're here to stay, oh I believe in yesterday..._

Remus sighed, instantly stood, roughly pushed his chair underneath the table, threw a handful of change on the table, and rushed out the door to follow Susan.

* * *

**So, my fabulous readers, here is an update. I hope you enjoyed it, and thank you for all of the reviews I have been getting (I truly cannot explain how much they mean). Woah and I hope you all are enjoying the summer weather :)**

**love, teawithme**


	19. A Vexed Valentine

A Vexed Valentine

* * *

"I don't even know what to say," Susan said solemnly, her body placed stiffly in front of Remus's desk.

He looked at her face, his warm eyes scanning her own dark eyes, searching for her real emotion—she tended to be pretentious.

"So, you're upset?" He asked trying to clarify their position.

Susan violently stood from the chair her body had been locked in, and stomped about the space before her. "Clearly," she rounded, her booted heel kicking the stone floor.

Remus shrugged his shoulder, his movements looked tired, and his body seemed weak. I tinge of sadness filled Susan's eyes—she remembered that the full moon had been the day after Christmas—but she quickly blinked it away.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way, Susan, but you have to consider my position. What am I to say if our relationship is revealed? It's not that I'm insecure about it or embarrassed; it's that it would ruin both of our reputations.," he said firmly, "And that is not what I intend to do. I care for you too much."

Susan nodded and swallowed an imaginary lump that had formed in her throat. She fancied a drink of water, but did not see a cup anywhere near.

"What are you looking for?" Remus asked, noticing she was rapidly scanning his office.

"A cup," she said as her eyes fell upon a small coffee mug on a small table in the back of the cluttered room.

Remus watched her curiously: she pointed her wand to the cup, muttered a charm, and took a drink of cool water.

"So," she said from the back of the room.

Remus did not turn around to look at her, but listened.

"Whatever we've had... it's over?" She asked, and a splash of water covered the white blouse she wore—her hands shaking fervently.

He turned to see her reaction, his brows furrowing and his face hardening in concentration.

"For now, yes."

Susan flung the small mug back onto the counter, and walked back to Remus's desk.

"For now? What do you mean by that?" She asked dryly, though her expression looked exasperated..

He sighed, becoming suddenly impatient with her, "I don't know, perhaps someday we can be together again."

Susan stopped moving about his office, and sat back down into the chair, trying to sort out her feelings. She thought she loved Remus, and now they were no longer going to be together. It was not that she was really sad, but more heartbroken. It was not like breaking up with a boyfriend, instead it was like mourning the death of a friend—of course it was sad, but mainly you miss being with them.

She closed her eyes and clasped her hands tightly around the arms of the chair.

"I just want you to know," she began, as unwanted tears leaked from her eyes, "that you've been really kind to me and I've really appreciated that. I don't know that our relationship will be practical in the future, but we'll see."

Remus nodded slowly, and watched Susan wipe the large, rolling tears from her eyes.

"Susan, I'm sorry that this is the case, but you understand, right?" He asked searching for some closure to their separation.

Susan stood from her chair and willed herself not to cry any longer, "Of course, sir," she said pushed the chair back to where it belonged.

Remus pursed his lips and cringed when she called him, sir.

"Susan, you can still call me-"

"Pardon me, sir, but I do not know that it is respectful to call a professor by their first name. A friend? Sure. A lover? Of course. But teacher? No, sorry," she said boldly, knowing that the degradation of their relationship would be the only way to get to Remus— otherwise, he was too rational.

The coy smile that played upon her lips as she spoke to him instantly faced when she turned to leave. Not only did the tips of her lips sink, but so did her heart. She hated that it was easiest to detest the people you loved. And she was not sure Remus would be too forgiving.

The door to Remus's office closed loudly with a 'click' and Susan could not contain her sobs. She knew Remus could hear her, but she did not care. She had begun to not care about a lot of things.

* * *

Approximately Two Months Later

"Wait," Lisa asked, as she followed Susan down the winding stairs that led to brightly decorated Gryffindor common room. It was February fourteenth and a blanket of youthful bliss had coated the frosted castle, but Susan was against any type of Valentine celebration.

"Did I miss something?" She continued to ask, her facial expression truly confused.

Susan jerked her head back to look at her friend, "What do you mean?"

"You're not dressed," she said referring to Susan's lousy attire. She wore a pair of slummy, faded jeans and a loose white t-shirt topped with an old house cardigan.

Susan shrugged her shoulders and continued down the stairs, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Lisa followed close behind her, but could not move too quickly in her heels and her tight, red dress rode up her slim thighs as she walked down the steep incline.

"Are you not doing something special tonight with, you know, him?" She asked, sighing with relief once she finished the last winding step, referring to Remus.

"Yup, you sure did miss something," Susan said, whilst jumping onto the plush, red couch that sat comfortably in front of a large fire place.

Lisa's jaw dropped, and followed Susan to the couch.

"You broke up?"

Susan nodded her head as if she were asking about the independence of the American colonies—it was fact and disappointment had already faded.

"Uh, yes Lisa...two months ago," she said slowly, for dramatic effect, "Besides we were never officially together."

She thought for a moment and nodded her head, "Two months?" Lisa asked, and Susan nodded in confirmation.

"Yeah, I guess you have been pretty cold towards him in defense class, and he does look at your differently. I swear every time you challenge him in class he seems really put out, perhaps he still..." Lisa said, but trailed off. Susan looked at Lisa strangely, her expression mixed with a little disappointment.

Lisa leaned guiltily against the couch arm and lightly touched Susan's shoulder, "I'm sorry. I guess we haven't really been able to talk lately with N.E.W.T.S and the holidays," she said sincerely.

"Lisa, please, it's fine. Go have a nice night with Cedric," she said lightly shrugging Lisa's hand from her shoulder and smiling at her friend.

Lisa nodded apprehensively, but turned away from Susan. She walked carefully out of the common room, making a loud clicking sound with each step she took, while Susan propped her feet against the couch arm and watched the burning fire.

Susan sat in the same position for an hour; an occasional crack, or pop from the fire would cause her to jump, but she mainly laid still. But there were, courtesy of the House Elves, the pestering Valentine decorations that floated throughout the common room, and they were especially fond of Susan. The little, laughing heart bubbles would taunt her, as if inquiring why she was alone of Valentine's Day, and poke fun at her disposition. An enchanted Cupid periodically flew over her position on the couch and threw a handful of sparkling confetti atop her face, causing her to burst out into a fit of cuss words. But Cupid did not cease, and Susan jumped off of the couch the fourth time he pelted her with glitter and charged at him.

"You insufferable, little baby leave me alone," she screamed as she chased the flying Cupid throughout the common room.

But he only turned and batted his dark lashes at her. Susan grunted in frustration and looked about the room to see she was the only person not out and enjoying the holiday—even the first years had taken the impromptu trip to Hogsmeade.

"You know what, Cupid? I'll leave just because I'd rather wander the castle, than be harassed by you. What do you know about love anyway?" She asked the enchanted baby, who flutter five feet in front of her.

But the baby said nothing, and giggled at Susan instead. Susan raised a frustrated brow and began to turn, but was met with a face full of glitter.

"Uuuuug," Susan screamed and stomped out of the common room.

* * *

The castle corridors were desolate, but Susan decided that she would make her daily rounds, although Dumbledore had specifically told prefects and head boy and girl it was not necessary on a holiday. But Susan did not consider Valentine's Day to be a holiday worth celebrating. Relationships, she thought, were extremely overvalued, especially relationships during school.

Susan gripped her wand in her hand, as she contently down the empty castle corridors. A cool draft spilled from each corridor window, but Susan gripped her sweater closer to her body and continued on her walk. The empty classrooms and dark hallways reminded her that she was indeed alone and a tight frown grew on her lips.

"Susan!" An excited group of voices sang, and Susan quickly turned to look around her.

Ron, Harry and Hermione hustled down the corridor to greet her.

"Why aren't you three in Hogsmeade?" Susan asked, probably the only other lonely souls in the castle at the moment.

Ron and Harry shrugged their shoulders, clearly uninterested in Valentine's Day, but Hermione smiled sweetly.

"Is it not true we could as you the same question?" She asked Susan, who looked taken aback.

Susan crossed her arms tighter around her body and shuffled her feet, "Well, I have head girl duties," she lied.

Ron looked from her to Hermione strangely, "Didn't Dumbledore say that head boy and girl along with the prefects had the day off too?"

Harry laughed at Susan's expression, but she just rolled her eyes.

"I take my job very seriously," she said, sounding like Percy Weasley.

"Bloody hell," Ron exclaimed, "You sound like my brother."

Susan chortled and flung her hands in the air, "I never thought I'd hear that."

"Well," Hermione said, "We were just on our way to professor Lupin's office, we'll probably have some tea and visit for awhile, would you like to accompany us?" Hermione asked, knowing Susan had nothing to do, but ignorant to her relationship with Remus.

Susan shook her head and took a large step backward, but bumped into something. Two large,strong hands grabbed her wobbling waist and secured her stance.

"Speak of the devil," Harry said, beaming at professor Lupin.

Remus lightly pressed his palms against Susan's waist, then retracted his hands.

"You were talking about me?" Remus asked, and Susan quickly stepped away from him, opting to be close to Hermione instead.

Ron, Harry and Hermione all nodded, "We wanted to go visit you."

Remus smiled, fond of his students, and nodded his head, "Of course. I was just going to grab some more tea from the kitchens, so if you'd like to join me?"

Everyone, but Susan agreed, and began to walk down the hallway.

"Susan?" Hermione asked, and Remus pursed his lips as he looked at her.

Susan moved her hands to the sides of her waist, she could still feel his touch, no matter how light it had been.

"Come with us," Hermione said with a wave, beckoning Susan to join them.

She shook her head, and gave hermione a sympathetic glance, "I'm sorry, but I-I have to go um c-complete my rounds," she mumbled, then turned to continue scanning the castle.

Hermione huffed and turned to walk to the kitchens, but Remus stood still watching Susan walk away.

"Harry, Ron, Hermione," Remus said quickly, "I need to go ask Miss Thoits a question, but would it be okay if I met you in the kitchens in twenty minutes?" He asked nervously.

The three students looked at each other and nodded, "Sure."

Remus nodded in thanks and turned to find Susan.

* * *

"Miss Thoits," Remus said loudly, after finding Susan down a corridor near his own office.

Susan turned to look, she had hoped he would come to find her, but she doubted her fantasy. But surely enough, he was there, walking briskly down the hallway in search of her presence.

"Hello, sir," she said quietly, watching his every step as he approached her.

"I just wanted to say that I am sorry. I should not have touched you," he said referring to when he touched her waist.

Susan did not say anything, but instead she continued to observe him.

He sighed and stood in front of her, "Why didn't you go out with your friends tonight?"

"Why would I? It's Valentine's Day, you need a date," she said blankly.

Remus grabbed her forearm and walked her into an empty classroom, to ensure no interruptions. Susan walked toward an empty desk and sat on the wooden top, while Remus stared at her solemnly.

"What can I do to make things okay between us?" Remus asked, his voice full of worry.

Susan, who's eyes were scanning the room, rested her gaze onto the tops of her feet, "Don't touch me, or talk to me, or Remus...I don't know. Perhaps, you should just leave me alone. I have way too much happening in my life right now and I don't have time to worry about you and how you feel..."

She did not mean to sound so cruel, but it was the only way Susan knew she could tell him how she truly felt. Though she had not the nerve to look him in the eyes, she could tell by his voice that he was hurt.

"So, did you ever care for me then?" He asked, still trying to understand what she was saying.

"You don't get it do you?" she cried.

"Remus, I love you. I have loved you for quite some time now, but no, you can't be loved because you have some insufferable inferiority complex. I'm sorry, but I don't have time to sit here and feel sorry for you, because you've done nothing wrong! You're so preoccupied with what you could do that you forget about what you can do! You're blind to all of the people around you that love you and care for you and want to make you happy. It's a lot harder being with you than you think, and not because of your lycanthropy. You push people away Remus, people that only love you, but you for some unfathomable reason are afraid of love."

He wanted to look at her with malice, but knew that what she was saying was true. Still, she had provoked some of his most fervent emotions.

"Oh, I get it. I'm the one with all of the issues, you've done nothing wrong. Everything you do is fine and you have it under control. Get real Susan, take precautions and look to see how things can effect you. It's not all about the present, you have to think of the future and the past too. Don't disregard what has happened and think it'll all disappear, because trust me, it won't. And how can you tell me that I don't love? How do you know how I feel about you or anybody else?"

"Do you love me?" She challenged.

Remus clenched his fists in rage, had could not believe that she would question his feelings for her, "Of course I do."

"Prove it to me then."

"What? How, you want to-?"

"No, Remus, surely you should know there is more to love than sex. If you love me show me in a different way. But we can't be together now. We both need to work some things out," Susan said, looking him in the eye.

Susan slid off of the old, wooden desk and walked up to Remus. She grabbed his left hand and brought it to her supple lips, softly kissing each of his worn knuckles.

"I'm sorry our relationship has become so difficult, and I'm sure things will get better," she said placing his hand back to his side.

Remus smiled down at her, placing both of his hands on her cheeks, cupping her face.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked her softly, whispering into her ear, and she nodded in regards.

His lips were not as cracked, or dry as they were the last time she kissed him, and her own supple lips formed comfortably into the kiss. Remus moved one of his hands to the back of her neck and the other to the small of her back, holding her closer to him than she had been in months.

"Don't you need to go have tea with Ron-" Susan began, but Remus interrupted her with another kiss.

"Harry-" she tried again, but Remus would not let her speak.

"-and Hermione?" She asked, and welcomed Remus's warm lips on her cool neck.

Remus nodded and hurriedly kissed to the crock of her neck, behind her right ear, then pulled her into a tight hug.

"Well, be on your way then," Susan said happily, not wanting him to break their embrace.

"Come with me?" Remus asked, holding her at arm's length.

Susan shook her head, "I can't, but I'm happy we've settled things for now."

"Me too, though know that I'll miss you," he said quickly kissing her lips one last time.

Susan smiled and kissed his cheek.

"I graduate in four months, so hopefully we'll make it," she said stepping away from him, though it took all the will she could muster to leave him there.

"If you ever need me for anything: to talk, drink tea or coffee, or anything else I'm here for you Susan. I love you," he said softly and Susan nodded, a few tears leaking from her eyes unexpectedly.

"Thank you, I love you too," she said, walking out of the door.

* * *

For the first time in months Susan felt happy, yes, she was not 'with' Remus, but she knew that once she was out of school they would make their relationship work. But of course, it would not be that simple.

"So, tell me, Miss Thoits," Severus Snape said, walking briskly behind Susan, trying to catch up to her.

Susan jumped at the sound of his haunting, low voice and turned to look at him.

"Tell you what?" She asked, unaware of what she wanted him to tell him.

"Have you done everything, but have sex with him?" He asked slowly, drawing out the question.

Susan stopped dead in her tracks; how did he know? Her heart raced and her cheeks flushed, she had never been so embarrassed.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said, and began to walk quickly down the corridor, in attempt to ditch.

But it was no hope, the sound of his billowing robes followed her closely.

"Perhaps, you should have put a silencing charm on your heated conversation," he said walking dangerously close to her.

"I didn't know you had it in you, Susan, to be so passionate," he said darkly.

"What are you going to do about it, Snape? Tell Dumbledore or something? You have nothing to prove and we have not done anything inappropriate," she said boldly, then quickly turned down an empty corridor to continue her rounds.

"That might be true, Susan, but would you want Jack Lanyon knowing you've been messing around with a werewolf?" Snape said loudly behind her, and Susan cringed.

* * *

**So, how did you like it? Please let me know in a review, or message, and feel free to make any suggestions. Also, I feel like I've kind of (excuse my language) fucked this story up in a way, and am going to go back to the past chapters and am going to fix somethings. So, once I do that I will let you all know and if it's something important you can go back and read :) I hope you are all having a wonderful summer so far and appreciate all of your reads and support!**

**love, teawithme**


	20. The Unveiling Map

The Unveiling Map

* * *

"Hermione," Harry inquired, as he examined an old piece of parchment.

The worn, crisp pages of the parchment formed an enchanted map that mapped out the castle, and tracked all of it's occupants.

Hermione, who was talking with some of the house elves, turned her attentions towards Harry, as did Ron, who was scavenging the counter tops for any sweets.

"What is it?" she asked, searching the sepia footprints that littered the map.

Harry bit his lip, afraid that he was crossing personal boundaries, but he was curious.

"Look here," he said pointing to two small names "Remus Lupin" and "Susan Thoits."

Hermione looked and noticed the two seemed to be talking in an empty classroom off of the east corridor.

"So?" She asked, her eyes wandering over the map, but there were not many people in the castle.

Harry shook his head, "Hermione, keep watching," he demanded and Ron propped his head on Hermione's shoulder.

The three watched for a few moments, then Susan stepped towards Remus. She stood in front of him, their names began to overlap, and unveiling assumptions filled the minds of the three students.

"You don't think-?" Ron began to ask, but Hermione signaled for him to quiet.

"The map scale might be off," Harry offered and Hermione shrugged her shoulders.

The two names then completely overlapped, and all three pairs of eyes widened.

"Perhaps I can talk to Susan about this later," Hermione said, unable to look away from the map.

"It could just be a hug you know," Ron said, referring to their close proximity.

Ron, Harry and Hermione looked at each other—their expressions alarmed and worried.

"Well, tea will be interesting," Harry joked and Hermione rolled her eyes.

* * *

Jack Lanyon was an austere man. He did not engage in the practice of tolerance, instead he enjoyed traditional thought. Pure bloods were supreme, half-bloods were tolerable, and muggle born wizards were inferior and incapable. But what he despised the most were half-breeds and werewolves, or what he liked to call "monsters." He was raised by his mother and father, was a member of the Slytherin house and partook in dark arts. Though he did not fall into the trap of the Dark Lord, he desired to be a lawful servant, but for the time being he worked diligently for the ministry.

Susan, though she would like to deny the fact that she was fearful of Jack, knew that he was dangerous. Perhaps not physically, but he could break her emotionally—he already had.

* * *

"So, professor, how have you been?" Hermione asked Remus, they were sitting in the kitchens, they had opted to visit there and a handful of house elves were graciously catering to them.

"I've been well," Remus said with a jovial smile, he was content with how he settled things with Susan.

Ron and Harry looked at each other, they noticed his unusual grin.

Hermione looked from Ron and Harry to Remus, "You seem happy."

"Well, how are you three? Keeping busy with your studies I'm sure," Remus asked.

Harry, Ron and Hermione nodded their head in sync, but did not say a word.

Remus looked at them strangely, then eyed the piece of parchment in Harry's hand, a glint of realization in his eye.

"Harry what is that?" He asked Harry, wondering if he would answer honestly.

Harry's eyes widened and he sat up, alter.

"Oh, um it's just a piece of parchment I have to use for potions," he mumbled, as he fumbled pathetically over his words.

Hermione kicked him sharply under the table, why would he need parchment for potions? Harry flinched, whilst glaring loathsomely at her. Ron watched the door of the kitchens intently in a hopeful attempt to leave the awkward situation.

"Hm, that's interesting," Remus said raising an eyebrow, Harry shrugged and Hermione held her head in her hands.

"Well, you three it's getting late," Remus said, though they had only been together for merely a half hour.

"Don't get into any trouble," he said and got up to leave.

"Good night professor," Hermione said in hopes to clear the tense air.

He nodded, and looked at Harry and Ron who waved goodbye.

* * *

Two weeks had passed and Susan realized, most unconventionally, that the N.E.W.T exams were nearing at an unpleasant pace. She had entered the year with an intent to fully prepare, but she was starting to question her potential. She knew that she was capable of achieving perfect scores, but the thought of studying sickened her.

Jack Lanyon, had been on her mind the past couple weeks. Just the simple thought of him eclipsed her focus and spoiled her concentration. But she knew she would have to focus, she would have to do well on her test, for then she could escape the throes of her mother and soon to be step-father. It was either that, or forever suffer.

"So, Susan," Hermione said, as she watched Susan flip restlessly through a thick volume of "The Remnants of a Broken Art: Wand Making" in the library.

Susan looked at Hermione, slightly annoyed, but nodded for her to continue.

"So, who is your favorite professor?" She asked, trying to weave her question into another.

"Um," Susan said, taken aback from the question.

"Why do you ask?"

Hermione shrugged her shoulder, trying to play off her interest nonchalantly.

"I'm just curious. You know, I'm just trying to plan out my classes for the future."

Susan bit her lip and thought for a moment.

"Oh, either, Professor Lupin, or Professor McGonagall," she said instantaneously.

"Yes, he is a very nice man," Hermione commented, forgetting the mention of McGonagall.

Susan nodded in agreement and smiled to himself, "I agree."

"Are you close with him?" Hermione asked.

Susan froze, shocked by her question, and gave a grave look at Hermione, who was staring curiously at her.

"U-um," she stammered, "W-what do you mean?"

An uncomfortable feeling overcame Hermione, and she stood to leave.

"What's wrong?" Susan asked, noticing Hermione's sudden change in behavior.

She looked at Susan, who stared strangely at her, and clutched her stomach dramatically.

"I don't feel well," she lied, and turned to leave, "I have to go, bad lunch. Bye."

Susan watched her leave the room and sighed with relief, she could finally study, because she could finally focus. But she was curious about Hermione was trying to figure out.

* * *

Harry walked down the lonely, dark corridor. His body was cloaked with invisibility, and he held his wand and map in his hands beneath his invisible shield. He was heading back from the kitchens and he nervously glanced down at Marauder's Map with each step he took. No names appeared on the map, but Harry felt something eerie, like there was something there.

Then, he froze, and pressed his back tightly against the nearest wall. His wand, which was ignited beneath his cloak, extinguished and he held his breath. No noise could be heard, but he swore he saw a name on the map. A name, he had heard during the holidays, one with which he thought to be deceased.

"Pst."

Harry froze again, this time concealed by nothing more than the blackness that surrounded him.

"I know you're there," the voice spoke, and Harry hurriedly folded his cloak over his forearm.

"Potter?" The voice of Snape sounded, as a dim light descended on Harry.

Harry's eyes widened in fear.

"P-professor," he stammered in acknowledgment.

"What are you doing out of bed at this time?" He asked, seemingly surprised to see Harry.

Harry looked around for an excuse, but made only a confused expression.

"I would like to know the same answer," the voice of professor Lupin bellowed behind him.

Harry turned and looked at both of his professors.

"I was just coming back from the kitchens," Harry lied, "I couldn't sleep."

Remus nodded in understanding, but Snape scanned Harry's body, eyeing the map he held in his hands.

"What is that Potter?" Snape asked, his hand extended.

Harry swallowed hard, and handed Snape the map.

"It's just a piece of parchment."

Remus eyed Harry suspiciously, then looked at Snape.

Snape read the paper with disgust.

"What is this boy?" He asked angrily.

"Let me see it," Lupin demanded and snatched the parchment from Snape.

A fond smile curved on his lips, but was eclipsed by a stern look.

"This is a Zonko's product, correct?" He asked Harry.

Harry, who sigh in relief, nodded fervently.

"Yes, sir," he said looking at Snape, who sneered at him.

"I just recently bought it over break."

"Very well then," Lupin stated, "You should be off to bed Harry."

Harry nodded and reached out to take his map, but Remus looked at him incredulously.

"Why don't you come with me? I shall be sure you make it back to your dorm room without any distractions."

Harry nodded and Snape glibly turned to leave.

* * *

She could not sleep—he had overcome her thoughts, yet again. Susan laid uncomfortably in her bed, as thoughts of what Snape had said roamed her mind endlessly, though she did not know exactly what he had meant. The mention of Jack Lanyon frightened her, and posed a series of unanswered questions: How did he know about Jack Lanyon? What would he tell him? And what did Snape have against Susan?

So, in forfeit to her thoughts Susan slid out of her bed, slipped on a pair of shoes, and walked out her dorm. The scanting feeling that she had could only be cured by one thing, one thing she knew she should not have done, but also knew it was necessary.

* * *

"Harry, where on earth did you find this?" Remus asked in outrage, as soon as they entered Remus's office.

Harry looked confused, "Sir, it's just a prank."

"_I solemnly swear I am up to no good_," Remus said loudly, as he pointed his wand to the piece of parchment.

Harry stared at Remus in awe.

"You think this," Remus said pointing to the map, "Is a joke, Harry?"

Harry said nothing.

"Harry, imagine if this were to be in the hands of Sirius Black."

Harry nodded in understanding.

"You have to be careful with objects like this," Remus said sternly.

"I know, sir. It's just that I saw something, or someone I thought to have been dead," Harry explained.

"Who?" Remus asked.

"Petter Pettigrew." Harry answered.

Remus's eyes widened and his grip on the map tightened, "But that's impossible."

Harry looked around the room slowly, avoiding Remus' gaze, "It's only what I saw, sir."

"Right," Remus said eyeing his office door, "You should be off to bed, and I expect you take no detours, for I shall know." He said holding up the map.

"Goodnight, professor," Harry said, as he approached the office door.

"Goodnight, Harry," Remus said, as he frantically scanned the map in search of the name.

* * *

_Yes, it has taken me approximately four months to update this, and yes I am sorry. But I have been extremely busy: applying to college, doing school work, enjoying senior year, participating in sports, and I enjoyed the end of my summer. I hope everyone is having an amazing fall, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Nothing too exciting happened, I know, but the next chapter shall be grand. So, if you would like to see what happens next please give me your feedback, because from now on I will be writing purely on motivation (aka the more reviews the more I write)—that is until I am accepted to college, because then I won't be so busy._

_Much love,_

_teawithme_


	21. Shortcomings and Eventual Strength

"I can't do this," Susan thought to herself, as she reached the Gryffindor common room and slowly turned to walk back to her dormitory.

...

"Excuse me," a small voice sounded from behind Susan as she quietly ate her breakfast. It was a Monday and Susan had been awake since 10 the prior morning working on her studies in the depths of the library, and resorted to the Great Hall for coffee and toast.

She quickly finished a sentence from the Daily Prophet she had been trying to read for the past five minutes and turned to see Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"Hello," Susan said, slightly surprised to see the three friends in the Great Hall so early in the morning.

"What brings you three here so early?"

Ron and Harry gave Hermione hurried looks, "We need your help," Hermione said quickly, as she silently observed Susan's tired appearance.

Susan pursed her lips and grabbed her goblet of coffee from the table.

"What's the matter?" She asked slowly, taking a large gulp of the hot liquid.

"You see, they sentenced Buckbeak, Hagrid's hippogriff, to death," Hermione said with much distress.

Susan stared blankly at Hermione, unable to concentrate properly, but recognized the urgency in her voice–she really need to get some sleep.

"Right, what do you want me to do about it?"

Hermione glanced at Ron and Harry, "Well, we were hoping you would be able to talk to Dumbledore, or even the Ministry to fix this."

Susan shook her head slowly, "I'm sorry, but if there was a trial involved, the verdict is final. I barely have authority over myself, or any of you, let alone any Ministry departments."

Hermione's face fell into a frown.

"Then who are we supposed to go to, Susan?" Harry asked, a hint of frustration in his tone.

Ron nodded in agreement, "Yeah, this a right injustice!"

"Look, I will talk to Dumbledore, but that is about all I can do," Susan said, shrugging her shoulder.

"I wish there was something that could be done, but you have to understand that not everything is fair, especially when people like the Malfoys are involved."

"Thank you," Hermione said, and turned to walk away.

Ron and Harry muttered their gratitudes and followed Hermione, but stopped as she did.

"You know Susan, what ever is making you this distraught is an injustice as well. Please, fight for yourself if nothing else," Hermione added, then continued on her way.

Susan sat with her goblet of coffee in awe–what was Hermione talking about? Had Susan changed so much as to be coined distraught, she was far worse than she admitted to herself. Surely, preparation for exams was not easy, nor was planning what would happen after Hogwarts, but those two things were common amongst her peers and everyone else seemed to be doing fine. It was worrying about her mother and her relationship with Remus that was stressful, because those two were matters of the heart, not the mind.

...

"Lisa, wait for me!" Susan called after her friend, as she made her way to defense against the dark arts.

Lisa turned around, happy to see Susan; someone she had not spent much time with lately.

"Hello darling, your hair looks smashing today," she said jokingly.

Susan playfully shoved Lisa with her arm, "please, you know I've been up for almost thirty two hours now."

"Yes," Lisa said, then looked Susan up and down, "and it's definitely noticeable."

Susan sighed.

"Perfect, and we're going to his class," she mused sadly, as they walked down the long, dark dungeon corridor.

"I thought you were over him," Lisa inquired, and affectionately leaned into Susan.

"Well, I am, but still...," she said, looking at Lisa for some form of knowing.

"I understand," Lisa said kindly, as they approached the dungeon door.

Susan stretched her hand out to open the large, wooden door, but stopped when she noticed a note.

"What's this?" Susan asked, looking at a scribbled note on the face of the door.

"Classes cancelled? Well, Susan you can go get some sleep now!" Lisa stated jovially, as she excitedly skipped away from the classroom door.

"But, why would classes be cancelled?" Susan asked, as she hurried to catch up to Lisa.

Lisa shook her head. "Do you think I care? It's Monday and I am done with my classes!"

"Okay, well I need to go talk to Dumbledore," Susan said, as they approached the stairs to the main part of the castle.

Lisa smiled, "alright, I'm going to go and find Cedric. Cheerio!"

Susan waved, as Lisa sprinted up the stone stairs to find her boyfriend.

"Wait," Susan thought to herself as she mounted her foot onto the first step.

"It's the full moon," she remember, then proceed to race up the stairs to find Ron, Harry and Hermione.

...

"Hermione!" Susan shouted, when she saw the girl exit the transfiguration classroom.

She had been anxiously waiting in the hallway, anticipating the end of the class, which she knew ended promptly at four.

"Susan, hi!" Hermione said, and briskly rushed towards her, evading the groups of 3rd years who were rushing towards their dormitories.

"Hello," Susan greeted her, and quickly eyed their surroundings.

There were a couple groups of students around them, but she thought they would be relatively safe.

"I need to talk to you."

Hermione nodded, "Did you talk to Dumbledore?"

"No," Susan said quickly, "I didn't have to."

"Okay," Hermione said, seeming slightly annoyed.

"I didn't have to, because I know how you can fix this," Susan said quickly.

Hermione shook her head, and looked around to find Ron and Harry.

"Susan, it's too late," she said, as she waved at the two boys who had just exited the transfiguration classroom.

"What do you mean too late?"

Hermione sighed, "They execution is today at quarter after four."

Susan furrowed her eyebrows, "Oh."

Ron and Harry accompanied the two.

"What's going on?" Harry asked, looking curiously from Susan to Hermione, who both exhibited solemn faces.

"Nothing," Hermione said sadly, "we were just trying to figure out what we had talked about earlier."

"Well, should be at least go and support Hargid after it?" Ron suggested, as he gently patted his pet rat, Scabbers, on the head.

Hermione looked at Scabbers with disgusted, but nodded, "Sure, that is probably the best we can do now."

Susan crossed her arms securely across her chest, "Hermione, come with me please. Harry and Ron, we will meet you done at Hagrid's."

"Listen," Susan said as she and Hermione walked away from Ron and Harry, "I did not have to talk to Dumbledore, because I know what we would have told you."

"Okay," Hermione, said as she continued to follow Susan.

"Look, I know about your time-turner, and well, I know that if you deem this an important enough event and such an immense injustice that you should use it tonight," Susan said quickly, paranoid that someone would hear them.

Hermione opened her mouth, ready to protest, but instantly shut it, for no words came out.

"But, how would I be able to do this? I mean, I would need either yours or Harry and Ron's help," Hermione, asked.

"They can help you, Hermione. You just need to put the chain around the tree of you."

"Have you ever used a time-turner before?" She asked, questioning Susan's logic.

She nodded, as they headed outside into the main courtyard of the castle.

"Yes, and I know just how dangerous it can be to meddle with time, but sometimes you need to take a chance Hermione."

"And what has given you this sudden spark of hope, Susan? Merely ten hours ago you told us to give up," Hermione asked, genuinely curious.

Susan smiled, "Let's just say, I am trying this new thing where I'm not only fighting for myself, but for others."

"Good," Hermione said, as they descended that stairs that lead to the grassy hill on the east side of the castle.

Ron and Harry stood under the stone tunnel that began the pathway to Hagrid's hut. Hermione quickly joined her two friends, as they looked out across the green grass and at the quaint pumpkin patch that Hagrid grew each year. Yet, Susan stayed back and observed from behind–weary of what might become of the next twelve hours.

Right, so 1) I am so sorry, it has literally been over a year since I have updated (please forgive me). 2) This is a short chapter that is slightly off from the books, but I really wanted to update and it is a set up for a really good really exciting next update. 3) I hope people still have hope in me and this story and will continue reading it (even though I am going to be updating slowly). 4) Thank you to anyone that is reading this, I love you I love you I love you :)

I hope all is well, and everyone is having a wonderful fall/almost winter!

-teawithme


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